The Cracked Die Podcast - Episode 108 - History

[00:00:39] Speaker A: Welcome to the hundred and 8th episode of the Cracked Die podcast. [00:00:46] Speaker B: Woo hoo. [00:00:47] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. [00:00:48] Speaker D: 108. [00:00:50] Speaker B: And that was that. [00:00:52] Speaker E: Okay. [00:00:52] Speaker A: Yep. [00:00:53] Speaker E: That happened. [00:00:56] Speaker A: Yeah. I'm still shocked that you know where. Still doing this, chugging along. I'm still shocked people are listening. [00:01:04] Speaker F: I'm shocked how far behind you guys are. [00:01:08] Speaker B: Wait, now you're ahead of us. I'm confused. [00:01:10] Speaker F: This is podcast number 348. [00:01:13] Speaker A: Oh, boy. [00:01:14] Speaker E: Goblin years are really interesting. [00:01:16] Speaker B: I. Apparently. I was going to ask what our next milestone would be. Would it be 150 or would it be 200? What are we looking at here? I'm a look to the future kind of gal, so let's. [00:01:28] Speaker A: Yeah, no, I think it will be 200. [00:01:32] Speaker E: Okay. [00:01:33] Speaker B: All right. [00:01:34] Speaker A: I think 200 is our next major milestone. And I started to think, like, how many episodes are we going to have of this show? [00:01:44] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:01:45] Speaker A: So we're in book three. So we are halfway through the published. [00:01:52] Speaker D: Books when we finish it, right? [00:01:55] Speaker A: What? I'm sorry. [00:01:56] Speaker D: When we finish book three. Because there's six books. [00:01:58] Speaker A: Yes. And we are about roughly half ish way through book three. So we're at, like, the half of the half. [00:02:11] Speaker B: Okay. [00:02:12] Speaker A: And it's taken us roughly 108 episodes to get here. Now, as we go further along in the books, the combats are going to take longer, which I know is kind of a terrifying thought. [00:02:27] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:02:28] Speaker A: But that. I mean, I'm just looking at some of the stats in book six, and I'm like, oh, this will be a two round episode. Like, if we're lucky. [00:02:37] Speaker E: And then others be like, this is a 25 round. [00:02:40] Speaker A: Yeah. Just with hit point numbers and abilities and things like that. So I wanna know, what does everyone think our final episode total count will be? No. Price is right rules. $1 does not count. [00:02:55] Speaker B: Well, I think. I'm not understanding the question, but then again, I'm not very clever. [00:03:02] Speaker C: Do you think episode 436 is gonna be the last episode? Do you think episode 513 is gonna be the last episode? What number do you think is gonna be the last episode? [00:03:12] Speaker B: Number? Okay. Okay, thank you. [00:03:16] Speaker E: I'm gonna say a conservative 350. [00:03:19] Speaker B: Okay. [00:03:19] Speaker A: 350. Okay. I like that. 4400. [00:03:25] Speaker B: No, no, just 500. [00:03:28] Speaker A: Is this in common math or is this goblin math? [00:03:32] Speaker F: There's only one math I don't understand. [00:03:35] Speaker D: It's easy to win this when you make up your own numbers and then you're like, yeah, that was four. [00:03:39] Speaker B: That's true. I could just say blue and be done with it. [00:03:43] Speaker A: Right. [00:03:44] Speaker D: If you had established that your numbering system is different for 20 episodes. [00:03:49] Speaker F: Don't tell them how the trick works. [00:03:51] Speaker A: Matt. [00:03:52] Speaker D: Sorry. [00:03:57] Speaker B: Hmm. Okay, we've heard 350. I'll go 400. Why not 400? Yeah. Okay, maybe that's a bit much, but sure. [00:04:08] Speaker D: What do you think? [00:04:08] Speaker C: Id 429. [00:04:11] Speaker D: All right, im going to go with the math. And if we are really halfway through book three, then we should end at about 260 episodes. [00:04:19] Speaker B: Okay, see, this is why we have Matt around to be logic brain. Okay, so what youre saying is we need to pepper in a few more, like, beach episodes, and we dont win. [00:04:34] Speaker D: Anything by being correct. [00:04:37] Speaker B: Yeah, we do. [00:04:38] Speaker D: Oh, okay. I missed that. [00:04:41] Speaker E: Bragging rights and prestige. [00:04:43] Speaker B: Exactly. Thank you. [00:04:46] Speaker C: Haya's like, she gets it. [00:04:48] Speaker B: She gets it. [00:04:49] Speaker F: Wait, why did we buy a new minivan? Uh, I thought that was the prize. [00:04:55] Speaker B: Mm hmm. [00:04:56] Speaker A: You know, if we ever get to the point where we're like, first off, if we ever get to the point in the world where conventions are a thing again, and then if we ever get to the point where, like, we can go do, like, a live thing, you best believe we're getting a minivan and we're carpooling there. [00:05:15] Speaker D: That sounds gross. [00:05:17] Speaker B: Oh, it's gonna be horrible. [00:05:20] Speaker A: The combination of, like, cool ranch Doritos and slim Jim farts. Oh, it's gonna be. It's gonna be horrendous. [00:05:31] Speaker D: I just mean, like, the minivan part. Like, why not? I don't even know if they exist anymore, but why not, like, a full out conversion van? Like, those were, I remember in my youth, back in the 18 hundreds, those were a thing, like, where my friend and his sister and his sister's friend and their parents and I would go camping, and we'd go in the conversion van, and there was plenty of space for two adults and four preteens. [00:05:59] Speaker F: I'm pretty sure, according to YouTube, that they've all been converted into tiny houses and people are doing hash. Vanlife. [00:06:04] Speaker D: That is very possible. And it could be that just the 4 miles to the gallon they probably got has made them not viable as, like, a thing to produce. Yeah, but I remember those clearly. It's not a thing that you would want to drive around all the time, but for a long road trip, you know, minivan, I feel it's too small, too cramped. There's a way to stretch your legs out for a long journey. But I don't want a bus. Like, they were a cool, like, mid range. [00:06:30] Speaker A: I'm thinking we either go, and I'm gonna date myself here. We either get, like, a monkey's bus, like the tv show the monkeys, where we get a bus like that, or we find somehow a vw wagon and, like, the Grateful Dead, like deadhead fan style, roll into places. [00:06:51] Speaker F: What about I. What about we just go find, like, some kind of abandoned 1970s class a motorhome? [00:06:55] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. [00:06:56] Speaker F: Like a Winnebago with a big w on the side or something. [00:06:59] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. [00:07:00] Speaker B: I had a friend who did that for a Larp, actually. He, like, refurbished an entire old motorhome and would drive it up for larps. And it did help. That said, larp was a post apocalyptic style thing, so, you know. But, yeah. [00:07:18] Speaker A: And we'll name it ooze Wanabango. That's what we'll call it. [00:07:24] Speaker F: Don't take a black light in there. [00:07:29] Speaker A: Don't take any lights in there. [00:07:32] Speaker E: Okay, baby. We can just feel around. [00:07:35] Speaker A: That's right. [00:07:37] Speaker E: That's my ooh impression. [00:07:39] Speaker C: She gets me. [00:07:42] Speaker A: Okay. So when we last left, you guys had finally made it to the mysterious sunset imports. You spoke with the current owner, Sidrani Varsnil. [00:07:57] Speaker B: Bless you. [00:07:58] Speaker A: Thank you. And you found out that she was very unhappy that the scarlet triad had come to take over as well. You still don't like her, but, you know, she's in a kind of a tight situation. So she left and let you into the back room. However, you also did something that was absolutely amazing and you split the party. Oo and twin Talon went around back to try and sneak in and find out what was going on. They got in and found a large man with a club speaking with what looks like one of the same type of demon from the ship and started fighting there. Meanwhile, on the other side of this storage facility, knife sword, Brienne and Saraya came in and looked around and saw a giant. What you found out was a stone golem with lazarite infused into it. And that was blocking your path. No matter how you tried to get around it, it started to attack you. So now we're into this split combat where knife sword Brianna and Soraya are fighting the stone golem. Oo and twin Talon are fighting two people on the opposite side of the storage house. And there is a citizen tied up in the corner near Twintalen. And ooh. But before we get to this situation, we're gonna do something that I have done a lot of in this story, but I think is very important. We're gonna go back in time into a lovely little flashback. [00:09:49] Speaker B: Oh, no. I only say, oh, no, because I know I'm gonna have to find the sound now. [00:09:57] Speaker A: Yep. We're gonna go back in time six years to 40 713. And it is spring and we're going to see the lovely, beautiful, quaint little hamlet of breach hill. You guys remember Breach hill? Good, good, good, good. And there we're going to see a 18 year old Brianna. [00:10:27] Speaker B: Hello. [00:10:28] Speaker A: This is, you know, a little bit after your family has moved to Breech Hill. [00:10:35] Speaker B: Mm hmm. [00:10:35] Speaker A: And we see Brianna toiling away in front of the forge at Soldado and Sons Armory. [00:10:45] Speaker B: Fucking assholes. I mean, yep. [00:10:48] Speaker A: And we see her working in front of a hot, glowing forge, making some armor, when suddenly the bell to the front door of the shop tinkles and a man boy, a 19 year old man child. Teenager, 19, walks in. [00:11:12] Speaker B: A man child walks in. [00:11:14] Speaker A: Well, yes. Brianna, being the only one in the shop, quickly looks up, and the first thing that strikes her are these piercing green eyes. [00:11:30] Speaker B: Oh, boy. [00:11:31] Speaker A: And this young man, his cool baritone voice comes out and says, brianna, are you free for lunch? Now? [00:11:40] Speaker B: I do have a couple things to finish up before the calls get too cold, but I will certainly join you for lunch. Yes. [00:11:50] Speaker A: Excellent. I've made reservations for us over at the inn. [00:11:54] Speaker B: You didn't have to that. Thank you. [00:11:59] Speaker A: You're very welcome. It's the least I could do. And you see that his cheeks flush a little bit with embarrassment, as are hers. [00:12:07] Speaker B: I don't think you can tell whether or not it's from the heat from the forge or that she's actually blushing. [00:12:14] Speaker A: So they head off to the inn and have a lovely little lunch where the piercing, green eyed young man looks deeply into Brianna's eyes and asks, what do you think your plans are here? [00:12:34] Speaker B: As in this. This town or this lunch? Right now? [00:12:39] Speaker A: No, in the town. Do you plan on working at your family's shop forever? They obviously don't seem to. And he kind of struggles to find the right words. Respect your work. [00:12:56] Speaker B: Brianna will kind of sit back in her seat and frown as she's trying to piece together what she's been clearly feeling for some time. Don't know how to answer that. There's a part of me that wants to prove myself to them and be the one to take over the forge since frankly, I believe I'm the most competent there. I don't mean to sound arrogant. I'm sorry. [00:13:23] Speaker A: No, it's not arrogance when it's clearly true. [00:13:29] Speaker B: You are too kind. But there is a part of me that does Miss Corvosa and travel, and perhaps that is my future. And I do miss seeing my teacher, my paladin teacher of Sir Henry as well since we've left. But this is our life now. What are you asking of me? [00:13:53] Speaker A: Nothing, I just, you know, we just trying to. And he's obviously stumbling over his words and trying to figure out what he is actually asking. You look at him and you can tell that he's starting to trip over his own words. And something that was supposed to be an innocuous conversation has suddenly become more. [00:14:20] Speaker B: Well, what about you, Aurelius? What do you see yourself since you've come from Corvo? Set the. Here, follow me. [00:14:30] Speaker A: Well. And he kind of looks embarrassed. I appreciate what you've been teaching me in front of the forge. And there's no way I could ever hold a candle to your ability. [00:14:46] Speaker B: Oh, come on now. It's just practice. [00:14:50] Speaker A: I. And he stops and pauses and looks for the word. You know, my dedication and love of the order that was here previously before they left and two years ago and I had always dreamed of becoming a member of them. [00:15:10] Speaker B: Brianna will bristle a little bit because when they lived, or at least when Sheen twin Talon lived in Corvosa, they were under the thumb of another hell knight order. So she will not be as comfortable with this conversation as perhaps was intended. Oh, I did not realize that you had love for the hell knights. Please tell me more. [00:15:38] Speaker A: They've left though. And with my parents being older and running the inn, I fear that I will be stuck toiling this small town forever. Running it when they eventually pass or. I don't know, I'm just. The future seems like there's so much, the world seems so large and there seems so many things and there are so many heroes that exist out there that I just kind of wish I could become one. What is stopping you having to run this? And he gestures to the inn. [00:16:13] Speaker B: Wait, timeout, timeout. So he made a reservation at the inn, which is his family's place. [00:16:24] Speaker A: Yeah. Oh no, he was just totally trying to like trying to like seem like he's doing more. [00:16:31] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, all right, all right. [00:16:36] Speaker A: Cool, cool, cool. [00:16:37] Speaker B: That kind of guy. I love it. I feel like Brianna would know whether or not he had siblings, right? [00:16:47] Speaker A: Yeah. He is an only child. [00:16:49] Speaker B: Fun. And your parents wouldn't want, I don't know, your happiness first if they're so elderly and is it something that they want passed down from generation to generation? Is this something that perhaps you can sell to someone and you can be off and do your adventures perhaps have something to come back to? [00:17:15] Speaker A: Selling it would be possible. But it is such a. And he kind of looks embarrassed. Lucrative business venture that it would seem like a shame to get rid of it. [00:17:30] Speaker B: I almost wanna roast since. Bullshit. Well perhaps somebody can, I don't know, take care of it for you until you return. [00:17:42] Speaker A: Possible? Possible. And he kinda looks dejected and looks down into his salad that he's eating. [00:17:52] Speaker B: No. Aurelius, talk to me. What are you thinking? How can I help? [00:17:57] Speaker A: Well you said that you missed, you missed Carvosa and well like you said there's, there's a citadel. Citadel, varid, near there. And I was thinking if you wanted to take a trip over there and maybe I could see if they were taking on squires and or, or whatnot. But I know you have such a path with the hell knights that I don't. I'm just conflicted. [00:18:32] Speaker B: I do not know what you wish to achieve, what good it would do to learn about this order, especially for all the evil that they have done on the hurt that they have inflicted. Are you sure this is a path you wish to take? [00:18:50] Speaker A: The order, the law? And yes they're misunderstood I feel, but I don't know. You know when you grow up idolizing something or someone or, and that's what you dreamt of doing your entire life when then suddenly to have that dream up and leave for no reason. And then there's this hole. You don't know what to do. You're lost. For as long as I can remember living here in Breech Hill, the order of the nail was here. And wanting to be a part of that. Just seeing how well they helped us here and kept us safe during wars and, and everything. They were really our militia and our town guards. They were always so nice to us. And then you come in and tell me stories of horrendous horrendous things that other hell knights have done. It's just. His shoulders slump over. I just don't know. [00:19:58] Speaker B: Brianna will reach over and gently place a hand on Aurelius own and say if knowledge is what you seek. If you want to know why the. At least the order of harknights in Corvosa did what they did and how different it is to the order that settled here, then by all means I will take you. I will take you back home. Perhaps you can meet Flynn, my teacher and one of my oldest and dearest friends. Wutzy. Goodness knows how he's grown now. [00:20:40] Speaker A: And we are going to come back to this situation you've put yourselves into back at sunset imports. [00:20:50] Speaker D: That doesn't sound right. I don't think we put ourselves in anything. [00:20:55] Speaker A: So it is the stone golems turn. [00:20:59] Speaker B: Hey girl. [00:21:01] Speaker E: Hey. [00:21:02] Speaker A: And, you know, it's doing things, stopping. [00:21:06] Speaker E: Things, doing golem things. [00:21:08] Speaker A: Like. I don't know, it's its turn. So, so many things. [00:21:18] Speaker B: Mm hmm. [00:21:19] Speaker D: This is a good analysis. Paralysis and just not take a turn. [00:21:23] Speaker A: Yeah, there you go. Yeah. Okay, so ten foot emanation. [00:21:31] Speaker B: Oh, boy. [00:21:32] Speaker A: What, you guys don't like a ten foot emanation? [00:21:35] Speaker B: Yeah, it's just giving off light. [00:21:37] Speaker F: Maybe, but seems to be rude to emanate in a room full of people. I'm just saying. [00:21:43] Speaker D: Don't golems typically have nocturnal emanations? No. [00:21:47] Speaker F: All right, I feel like this emanation is premature. [00:21:53] Speaker A: I need Brianna and Saraya to make a fortitude save, please. [00:21:59] Speaker B: I don't. Oh, wait, no. [00:22:02] Speaker A: Fine, you can take full damage. [00:22:05] Speaker E: What is it emanating? [00:22:07] Speaker A: It is not poison. I'm so sorry. Okay, I need Brianna and Saraya to make a fortitude save. [00:22:17] Speaker B: Hmm. So I rolled a nat one, but my total is 22. [00:22:25] Speaker A: Okay, that is a double critical failure. [00:22:29] Speaker B: We do get a hero point. [00:22:32] Speaker A: Yeah, everyone has a hero point. Absolutely. Would you like to re roll that? [00:22:36] Speaker B: Yeah. Since fortitude is my. Oh, there we go. A little bit better. 30. [00:22:42] Speaker A: And what did Saraya get? [00:22:44] Speaker E: Oh, I got a two for a 20. I think I'm also going to hero point that. [00:22:49] Speaker A: Okay. Because that is also a critical failure. [00:22:51] Speaker D: What a way to start. [00:22:53] Speaker B: Good morning. [00:22:55] Speaker E: Hi, everybody. Um, how's a 34? [00:22:59] Speaker B: There we go. [00:23:00] Speaker A: 34 will succeed. A 30 will fail. [00:23:05] Speaker B: Hmm, that's fun. Interesting. Let's do it. [00:23:09] Speaker A: Okay, so if you save, you're going to take. So you're going to take nothing, Christine. [00:23:17] Speaker E: Okay. [00:23:18] Speaker A: However, Brianna, you are going to be slowed. [00:23:26] Speaker B: Oh, for fuck's sake. [00:23:27] Speaker A: For 1 minute. [00:23:30] Speaker B: So the rest of combat. [00:23:32] Speaker D: Ten rounds. [00:23:33] Speaker B: Ten rounds? [00:23:33] Speaker A: Yeah, ten rounds. Ten rounds. [00:23:36] Speaker B: Okay. All right, I'll keep track. Like, I'm already slow to begin with, so this is not too terrible, right? [00:23:46] Speaker A: That's not terrible. But the persistent damage. [00:23:50] Speaker B: Ouch. [00:23:53] Speaker D: Is less good. [00:23:54] Speaker A: Terrible. [00:23:56] Speaker B: Yeah, that is definitely less good. [00:23:58] Speaker D: It could be one damage, and then she rolls the 15 and that's it. So who's to say? [00:24:03] Speaker A: Right? Right. And it is necrotic damage. Just so gross, you guys know? And if you have anything that resists necrotic damage, then you can. [00:24:17] Speaker B: Don't believe I do. [00:24:18] Speaker D: I don't love necrotic damage. It's not like I'm a necrophiliac or anything. [00:24:23] Speaker B: Okay, I quit. Bye, grandma. I quit. [00:24:29] Speaker A: Okay. That was its first action. Oh. Now the good thing is I do have to roll one d four. [00:24:35] Speaker E: Oh. Until it can do that again. [00:24:37] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. Three. Three rounds. [00:24:41] Speaker B: All right. [00:24:41] Speaker A: Okay, that's great. Great, great, great. So I'm also gonna take a reaction. [00:24:47] Speaker B: Oh, boy. [00:24:48] Speaker E: If somebody took damage. [00:24:49] Speaker A: No, no, she hasn't taken damage yet, but she did become load. [00:24:54] Speaker E: No, no. [00:24:55] Speaker A: Hiya. [00:24:56] Speaker B: Yes, sir. [00:24:57] Speaker A: Can you please give Brianna another fortitude save? Here we go. [00:25:05] Speaker B: 37. [00:25:06] Speaker A: That is a regular success. Honestly, that is the worst of the two. And then this stone Golem, for its second action is just going to punch you straight in the face, Brianna. [00:25:25] Speaker B: All right. [00:25:26] Speaker A: Or attempt to. At least 33 will hit. All right, let's do some beautiful damage. [00:25:36] Speaker B: For fuck's sake. [00:25:38] Speaker A: 26 points of damage. [00:25:40] Speaker B: All right. [00:25:41] Speaker A: As the Stone Golem's fisthen lands squarely in your face. [00:25:47] Speaker B: Oof. [00:25:48] Speaker A: And for its last action, it's going to turn to Saraya and punch you. [00:25:54] Speaker B: Um, I can't because I haven't acted. Wait, no. Can I? [00:25:57] Speaker A: No, this you can. Yeah. We're in the middle of the. [00:26:00] Speaker B: All right, well, whatever. It rolls. [00:26:04] Speaker A: 24 versus Soraya's ac. [00:26:08] Speaker E: It does miss. My ac is at 24. [00:26:11] Speaker A: Boo boo. Okay, knife, sword, it is your turn. [00:26:18] Speaker F: Well, that happened fast. I'm trying to figure out would, um. I guess maybe mage hand. Would mage hand be sufficient enough to push that crate from behind the golem onto the golem? [00:26:28] Speaker A: Yeah, so that is a good question. I'll say. Yes. It is an athletics check, though. [00:26:38] Speaker F: All right, we're gonna go for it. So I'm going to. Okay. And I'm going to try to cast mage hand on that. On this crate behind him. [00:26:47] Speaker A: All right, give me an athletics check, please. [00:26:52] Speaker F: Is that part of the cast or is that separate? [00:26:55] Speaker A: That's to knock over the barrels. [00:26:58] Speaker F: Okay. Oh. Oh. Boyden. [00:27:02] Speaker B: What? [00:27:02] Speaker F: You get a 15. [00:27:04] Speaker A: So your mage hand pushes on the barrels and nothing happens. [00:27:11] Speaker B: Oh, no. [00:27:12] Speaker D: Now I have a question about that. Because he's using. He's not using his own physical strength. He's using mage hand. Would he get a bonus, like, if you're untrained, you'd still get your strength bonus, right? So would he get, like, his charisma bonus to it? And would that matter? [00:27:27] Speaker A: Knife, swords, charisma bonus is what, five plus five? So that would be a 20. It's still not enough to push it up. Okay, but that is a fair question. I appreciate that. Next up is the camera swings over to twin Talon. [00:27:48] Speaker D: So if you would refresh my memory, which is the one that we came in and fucked up. Was it the demon? [00:27:53] Speaker A: Yeah, the demon is real messed up at this point. [00:27:55] Speaker D: So twin Talon will continue the assault there. [00:27:58] Speaker A: Okay. [00:27:59] Speaker D: Against this flat footed demon, that's a 39 to hit. [00:28:04] Speaker A: 39 because it is flat footed is a critical. [00:28:10] Speaker D: All right, all right, here we go. Piercing ragged wound. The target takes 26. Persistent bleed damage in addition to taking double damage. So we'll see if this even matters. [00:28:23] Speaker B: Hell, yeah. Come on. Come on, Twintellon. [00:28:25] Speaker D: Okay. Plus, I can't imagine he doesn't have debilitating strike on him. [00:28:30] Speaker A: Yep. You definitely put that on him. [00:28:33] Speaker D: Okay, so that is base damage is 32. So that's 64 damage with the crit. [00:28:38] Speaker B: Whoo. [00:28:41] Speaker A: Okay, he's still standing. [00:28:44] Speaker D: Okay. [00:28:45] Speaker A: Ha ha. But there is blood pouring out of everywhere, so it's just a matter of. [00:28:52] Speaker B: Time is what you're saying. [00:28:53] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. [00:28:54] Speaker F: So wait, you're saying he's still standing after all this time? Yes, he's still standing. [00:29:00] Speaker D: Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:29:01] Speaker A: Better than he's ever been. That's a lie, though. True survivor, though. So this is a random question before Matt, you make your second attack, huh? Is it ichor or Ikor? [00:29:15] Speaker D: I would say ichor. Ichor. [00:29:17] Speaker F: Ichor. [00:29:18] Speaker A: Okay, so the reason I asked that is I was listening to another podcast, and they're like, what? And black, black. I core starts dripping. I was like, what the hell is Ikor? [00:29:28] Speaker B: I'm like, I don't think I've ever heard Ikor. [00:29:31] Speaker A: Right. Okay, cool. [00:29:32] Speaker B: Yes. [00:29:32] Speaker A: So as twin talon stabs in, opening up a gash in this creature's stomach blood, and ichor starts to pour out of them, what would you like your second action to be? [00:29:42] Speaker D: Um. Man, I wish I knew what his hit points were, but this is not how the game works, so it's probably better for me to finish someone than just to spread damage around. So I will attack again. [00:29:54] Speaker A: Okay. I mean, you don't have to. You could stab. Ooh. If you really wanted to. [00:29:58] Speaker C: I mean, I would prefer not to have that happen. [00:30:01] Speaker E: Please. [00:30:02] Speaker D: She just got all those cool temporary hit points. How's 34 to hit him flat footed? [00:30:06] Speaker A: 34 will hit. [00:30:08] Speaker D: Just regular. Regular people have stupid acs. That's what I have to say about that. [00:30:13] Speaker B: So I take it back. Sorry to interrupt. [00:30:17] Speaker A: No, it's fine. [00:30:18] Speaker B: I had to look, because I'm a language nerd. Apparently, the american English pronunciation is ikor and the british English is ichor. [00:30:29] Speaker A: Oh, so the proper way to say it is ichor. And then we here in the states go, yo, it's acor. Okay, got it. [00:30:39] Speaker D: All right. As a Canadian, I don't think you can just stand on that pedestal. [00:30:43] Speaker A: Let me just point this out. Again, I am the only one in my family born in the states. [00:30:49] Speaker E: Okay, anchor baby. [00:30:50] Speaker A: I am an anchor baby. [00:30:51] Speaker D: Are you hearing on an I corp baby? Anyway. [00:30:59] Speaker A: Anyway, how much damage did twin. [00:31:03] Speaker D: Talon do on that non crit that he just did? He did 42 damage. [00:31:07] Speaker A: So you know what's funny is your two hit is how many hit points he had left. He had 34. So you kill this slaver demon as. [00:31:18] Speaker D: You do say flavor demon or slaver demon? [00:31:21] Speaker A: Hmm. Slaver. [00:31:23] Speaker D: Okay. [00:31:24] Speaker B: I totally heard flavor too. [00:31:25] Speaker C: I got excited. [00:31:26] Speaker F: Flavor. [00:31:26] Speaker A: It's actually the Kool aid man. It's the Kool aid man demon. [00:31:30] Speaker E: Oh, I thought it was just the emissary to guy Fieri. [00:31:33] Speaker B: Yeah. Hell yeah. I thought it was flavor Flav. [00:31:37] Speaker D: I just thought. Yeah, I was thinking flavor flav. [00:31:39] Speaker A: As you. As this demon dies, you hear him yell donkey sauce. [00:31:45] Speaker B: Okay, great. [00:31:49] Speaker A: You have one more action. [00:31:51] Speaker D: Yes, I do. I actually have two actions. So for my first, I'm going to move twin talon up and around this dude to allow. [00:32:01] Speaker A: Ooh. [00:32:02] Speaker D: To be flanking because I don't think I'm going to hit with my third attack, but I can give it plus two. [00:32:07] Speaker A: Okay. [00:32:08] Speaker D: All right. And then with my last action, which has to be taken with my pterodactyl self, Taysani will start moving. Okay. Wherever 60 is. Yeah, that's where she's going. She's just trying to stay. She's trying to circle around. [00:32:21] Speaker A: All right. Ooh. Now that this, this guy is flat footed between you and twin talon, I don't like his chances. But it is your turn. [00:32:31] Speaker C: It is my turn. Let's fuck a bitch up. [00:32:34] Speaker A: Let's go. Because knowing. [00:32:41] Speaker C: She just like Spider monkey jumps onto his back. Like, watch out. [00:32:44] Speaker B: Just starts like hopping. It's fine. [00:32:49] Speaker C: And I guess that's what she'll do. She'll try to spider monkey jump right onto his back and just start punching him in the head. [00:32:55] Speaker A: Okay. [00:32:56] Speaker B: I love it. [00:32:57] Speaker D: Is she raging? [00:32:58] Speaker C: Oh, she should. [00:32:59] Speaker A: Of course she is. Yeah. [00:33:00] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:33:00] Speaker F: Okay. [00:33:01] Speaker D: I'm just. It's been so long since we played. I just don't remember. [00:33:05] Speaker A: Whole week. [00:33:06] Speaker D: Yeah, a lot of things have happened in this weekend. [00:33:08] Speaker A: 31 will hit a marsh. [00:33:12] Speaker C: 19. [00:33:13] Speaker A: All right. He takes 19 points of damage. [00:33:17] Speaker C: Yeah, let's try that again. [00:33:20] Speaker B: She can it. [00:33:22] Speaker C: Can. Can it be like scenically? Like, I really do like jump on his back and start like, pounding him in the head. [00:33:27] Speaker A: Yeah, I'm down with that. [00:33:28] Speaker B: Yay. [00:33:30] Speaker A: Although this is a human and you are a half orc, so you are taller. So you by you do jumping at him. Is just kind of like. It's less effective, but you are able to like, punch down on his head. [00:33:45] Speaker C: I'm so tall. So tall. [00:33:47] Speaker A: Who's gonna start the UFC? [00:33:49] Speaker B: I love it. [00:33:50] Speaker C: 19. [00:33:51] Speaker A: That will miss. [00:33:53] Speaker C: All right. But I'm just so excited. I just. So I just gotta hit him again. [00:33:58] Speaker A: Okay. [00:34:00] Speaker C: Why not? 25. [00:34:02] Speaker A: That will also miss. All right, so this person who you have started to punch in the head looks at you and grabs his great club and will swing directly at. Ooh, she's got wild eyes. [00:34:21] Speaker C: She doesn't care. [00:34:23] Speaker A: That is a 440 to hit critical. Ooh. [00:34:29] Speaker B: Oh, jeez. [00:34:30] Speaker A: So this club, this great club swings in, cracking. Ooh. In the ribs for 44 points of damage. [00:34:39] Speaker B: Yikes. [00:34:40] Speaker A: Now this great. This great club has the ability to shove. And then they're going to use another single action ability called pummeling Fury. Makes a great club. Strike and a kick. Strike. So second great club at Ooh. For a 22 and a kick with a 28. [00:35:12] Speaker C: Success. [00:35:13] Speaker A: All right. For another 18 points of damage. [00:35:18] Speaker B: Goodness, she's. [00:35:19] Speaker C: She's got wild eyes. She's just laughing uncontrollably. [00:35:25] Speaker A: Well, that's. That's their turn. They kick or they swing? Swing and kick. Saraya, the golem is in front of you. [00:35:36] Speaker E: It is indeed. [00:35:38] Speaker A: Just laid out some damage on Brianna. [00:35:42] Speaker B: Ouchy. [00:35:43] Speaker A: She does not look too good. She looks a little green in the gills, if you will. [00:35:48] Speaker E: Interesting. [00:35:49] Speaker A: You're. You're more concerned that she has gills than anything. [00:35:54] Speaker E: I'm gonna first say Rihanna, I'm sorry. And I'm gonna shove you. [00:36:03] Speaker B: No. Okay. Why? [00:36:06] Speaker E: Because I'm about to use a thunder and I don't want you to get caught in. Unless I can. Unless I can. Yeah. Every. Every creature within 10ft of space has to succeed on a fort save or be deafened. So unless you're okay being deafened for a turn. [00:36:24] Speaker B: I mean, what's the worst kid that could happen? Also, are you. I wonder, does your bomber ability work here? [00:36:31] Speaker E: Like if you splash is different than. Because it's sonic damage. [00:36:36] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:36:36] Speaker E: So there is splash damage, but there's also deafening bang. That's what I was looking up. So yeah, she's gonna take a couple steps back so she can. She's gonna step back about 10ft, which puts her just outside of the range of the thing, and then she's gonna throw a thunderstone lesser thunderstorm. [00:37:01] Speaker B: Where do you shove me to? [00:37:02] Speaker E: Um, I mean, if you're okay being. If you're okay being within the splash zone, as it were, or the boom zone. [00:37:09] Speaker B: I won't sure. [00:37:10] Speaker E: Um, my athletics is also one. I don't know if I could move you if I try. [00:37:15] Speaker A: That's also true. [00:37:19] Speaker E: And unfortunately, I can't be, like, Brianna. Move, and then, like, sit around waiting. [00:37:23] Speaker B: Right. [00:37:23] Speaker E: Um, does a 25 hit this thing? [00:37:27] Speaker A: 25 will miss. [00:37:30] Speaker B: It'll also miss Brianna, if that's the thing. I don't. [00:37:34] Speaker E: I don't have another hero point, do I? Damn it. [00:37:37] Speaker A: Nope. [00:37:38] Speaker E: Okay, so I moved. I threw one. I'm gonna try again and hope I roll higher than a seven on the die. [00:37:43] Speaker A: Okay, second thunder. Thunder. Thunderstone. [00:37:47] Speaker E: And. Nope, I rolled even lower on the die. Got me 18. [00:37:50] Speaker A: That is a critical. [00:37:51] Speaker E: I was afraid of that. [00:37:53] Speaker A: Please draw your card. [00:37:54] Speaker B: I'm working on it. [00:38:01] Speaker E: So, usually it's bomb or spell. This one just says spell. So would it be that arranged? [00:38:07] Speaker A: Let's do ranged. [00:38:09] Speaker E: You take a minus two circumstance. Penalty to range attacks until the end of your next turn. [00:38:14] Speaker A: Okay. Not terrible, not great. [00:38:17] Speaker E: It's called phantom wind, which just kind of seems to go with the theme of what we've all been talking about. [00:38:25] Speaker B: Mm hmm. [00:38:27] Speaker A: Brianna, it is your turn now. Remember, you are slowed, which means you redo one fewer actions. Exactly. So you only have two actions. [00:38:37] Speaker E: I thought that was stunned. [00:38:38] Speaker B: Hmm, let me check. [00:38:43] Speaker A: Oh, no, it's in the chat bar. You have fewer actions. Sload always includes a value. When you regain your actions at the start of your turn, reduce the number of actions you regain by your slowed value. [00:38:53] Speaker E: Okay, so, yeah, slowed and stunned are, like, annoyingly similar. Slowed is, like. [00:38:59] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:39:00] Speaker E: Stunned is you lose x many actions, and it could be over multiple turns. [00:39:05] Speaker A: Right. [00:39:05] Speaker E: Okay. [00:39:06] Speaker A: But since this is for a minute, you're gonna lose one action for the next ten rounds. [00:39:11] Speaker B: Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. [00:39:14] Speaker A: Right? It's really cool. I liked it. [00:39:17] Speaker B: I think all I really can do is just smack with my scimitar and raise a shield, and I'll keep taking the tanking. Cause that's what I'm here for. [00:39:29] Speaker A: That's what you do. [00:39:30] Speaker B: Okay, so I'm a smack with a 32. [00:39:34] Speaker A: That will hit. [00:39:35] Speaker B: Cool, cool, cool. That is 16 points of damage. [00:39:40] Speaker A: Okay. As your scimitar strikes into it. [00:39:46] Speaker B: Mm hmm. [00:39:48] Speaker A: It doesn't. The stone takes away some of the damage of that. [00:39:54] Speaker B: Yeah. I feel like this is gonna be a very slow chip chipping away situation. [00:40:01] Speaker A: What is your scimitar? Is there any properties added to it made out of anything special? [00:40:08] Speaker B: It is. I mean, it has a disrupting rune, if memory serves, but I don't think it's necessarily made out of anything. [00:40:15] Speaker A: Okay, cool. That's what I wanted to know. Any special materials? [00:40:19] Speaker B: Not that I remember. [00:40:20] Speaker D: Adamantine is what he's asking. [00:40:22] Speaker B: I wish, but no. Nor is it cold iron or whatever. [00:40:26] Speaker D: All right, blue steel. [00:40:27] Speaker B: Blue steel or. Yep. [00:40:29] Speaker A: And what is your second action? [00:40:31] Speaker B: Raise my shield. [00:40:32] Speaker A: All right, shield has been raised. Look, see, I'm skipping your third action because that's what the rules tell me to do this time. [00:40:41] Speaker B: Do I have to roll for something? [00:40:44] Speaker A: So you take damage, three points of damage, and you rolled a tendency to recover. All right, top of the round, this golem sees a target in Brianna and it is going to fist you. [00:41:06] Speaker B: Oh, consent please, sir. [00:41:10] Speaker A: 37. [00:41:12] Speaker B: Fuck me. [00:41:13] Speaker A: Yes. [00:41:13] Speaker B: It hits. [00:41:15] Speaker A: No, I guess so. It is 22 physical damage and eight negative damage. [00:41:25] Speaker B: I'm getting fucked up. What does my shield do? I know I have a reaction. [00:41:31] Speaker A: Yes, so your shield does a couple things. So remember you can snap off a slim Jim. [00:41:39] Speaker B: Yep. So I'm gonna snap off a slim Jim. Oh yeah. [00:41:44] Speaker A: You can snap a spike off of your shield and it will reduce the damage by six per spike. You have a total of six, five spikes. Yes. Thank you. [00:42:00] Speaker B: And does the, remind me, do the spikes cause damage? [00:42:04] Speaker A: They do not unless you shoot them. [00:42:07] Speaker B: Lame. [00:42:09] Speaker A: You can reduce all that damage to nothing. Basically for this turn let's, let's keep. [00:42:15] Speaker B: A couple of them on. I don't mind taking some damage. [00:42:17] Speaker A: Okay. [00:42:18] Speaker B: See if I can, if the spikes do any damage to it later. [00:42:22] Speaker A: Yeah, okay. [00:42:22] Speaker B: I don't know. [00:42:23] Speaker A: So you reduce. How many spikes would you like to break off? [00:42:26] Speaker B: Two. [00:42:28] Speaker A: Two? [00:42:29] Speaker B: I don't know. [00:42:30] Speaker A: So that's gonna reduce the 30 by. [00:42:32] Speaker D: Twelve, plus the hardness of the shield, right? [00:42:36] Speaker A: Minus the hardness of the shield, which is six. So that's twelve damage split amongst you and the shield. So that means you take six and the shield takes six. [00:42:48] Speaker B: Okay. Does that take the shield to know? I see the HP now. Nevermind, we're good worker. [00:42:55] Speaker A: 24. So 24 minus six. [00:42:59] Speaker D: How many points does the shield have? [00:43:01] Speaker B: 24. [00:43:03] Speaker A: The shield has 24, so the break threshold is twelve. [00:43:06] Speaker D: So to be clear, I do not think you split the damage between you and the shield. I think you and the shield take the remaining damage. [00:43:14] Speaker A: Is it shield block that we're looking at? [00:43:16] Speaker D: Correct. [00:43:17] Speaker A: The amount of damage equal to the harness? You and the shield each take any. Ah, yes. Okay, good. No thank you. [00:43:24] Speaker D: Well, that being said, if they both take the damage, the shield breaks. So. Hi, would you like the shield to maybe take some more damage so that you can continue to use it? I mean would you like to, would you like to break one of the spikes off. Sorry, I misspoke. [00:43:40] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:43:40] Speaker B: Yes. I would rather break it spikes off before I break my shield. Although I thought I had something that I can, like, repair. In combat, stupidly quick repair is a. [00:43:57] Speaker D: Feat. [00:43:59] Speaker B: Which I have. You can take 1 minute to repair an item. If you're mastering crafting, it takes three actions. If you're legendary, it takes one action. [00:44:05] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:44:07] Speaker B: So I can spend an entire round just quickly fixing my shield to bring it back in the fight. So that's something to keep in mind. [00:44:15] Speaker A: I guess you're an expert. And don't forget, you also have a second shield on your back. [00:44:20] Speaker B: I do. [00:44:21] Speaker A: Okay, so you're gonna take three spikes off of it instead of two? Yep. Right? Yep. [00:44:27] Speaker B: Yep. [00:44:27] Speaker A: So then it still works out to being six each. You're good. Gravy. Love it. That was its first attack. [00:44:35] Speaker B: Oh, boy. [00:44:37] Speaker A: Let me just measure something. Okay. Second action is it's going to lumber forward 5ft, punching Saraya in the face, and I can't. [00:44:51] Speaker B: Fuck it. I. Okay, 37. I'm just gonna not defend myself and keep defending my friends. Cause. [00:44:58] Speaker E: No, it's fine. That is a hit. [00:45:00] Speaker A: Okay. [00:45:01] Speaker D: Is that a crit? [00:45:03] Speaker E: According to here, my ac is 28, so. No. [00:45:07] Speaker A: So you're gonna take 29 points of damage, okay. Which is broken down into 20 physical, nine negative. Okay. [00:45:16] Speaker E: I don't think I have any negative. [00:45:17] Speaker A: I don't think anyone has any negative blocking things yet, but it is knife, swords, turn. Speaking of negative things, real quick, what. [00:45:26] Speaker F: Is the bulk of the crates? Okay, all right. Well, that changes things. I'll just have to do something that Sean loves. [00:45:41] Speaker A: Oh, no. Do it. [00:45:45] Speaker F: Sorry, sorry. [00:45:45] Speaker A: Sean. [00:45:46] Speaker F: If you made the box later, I could've done something different. [00:45:49] Speaker D: So really it's your own fault, is what he's saying. [00:45:51] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. Where are you putting it? [00:45:57] Speaker F: Trying to figure. Yeah, there. [00:46:02] Speaker A: Oh, God. [00:46:03] Speaker D: Pterodactyl. [00:46:04] Speaker A: No, no, it misses. It misses Tisani. Okay, so I'm gonna make a reflex save to see if any. And I fail with a 24. So I move 15ft to the center. [00:46:23] Speaker F: Mm hmm. [00:46:25] Speaker A: Now, I'm also going to say that these crates topple because they're going to critically fail their save because they're inanimate objects and they're balanced precariously, as per the writing of this. So I'm going to make a reflex save and see if I avoid any of this damage. I should. For all intensive purposes, I should avoid some. If not. Oh, my God, I rolled a natural one. That is a critical failure. [00:47:03] Speaker B: You deserve it. [00:47:04] Speaker A: Now let me read it to you. [00:47:07] Speaker E: Exactly what these crates do. [00:47:09] Speaker A: Yes. [00:47:11] Speaker D: Both. Both the crates in the thing fly at the goal. [00:47:14] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:47:15] Speaker D: Awesome. [00:47:16] Speaker F: Just before where that happened, I just want you to know that when we walked into the room, I dubbed this guy Dave. [00:47:22] Speaker A: Okay. [00:47:23] Speaker F: Well named. [00:47:24] Speaker A: So. [00:47:25] Speaker D: Well, everyone gets critical. [00:47:26] Speaker A: Yeah. Everyone hits crit fails, so it doesn't even matter. So let me just read what topple crates does, and then we'll draw a crit fail card and see what happens. So you topple the crates towards a target within a 15 foot line. The falling crates deal. Three d, ten plus bludgeoning damage with a DC 26 basic reflex, save a creature that critically fails is also noct prone. Any squares where the crates crash down become difficult terrain. So I'm going to take six d, ten plus twelve damage. Oh, my goodness. So that's 44 damage, minus anything that it can avoid. Well, not avoid. So it's gonna take that much damage, and it's going to fall prone. Oh, my goodness. Knife sword, hero point. Yeah, because you just saved up. All right, you have two hero points. One which will carry over. [00:48:32] Speaker F: Nice. [00:48:34] Speaker A: Now, the downside, I guess if we want to call it a downside, is there is now difficult terrain. And I'm going to put x's in those difficult terrain spaces just so we know where. Okay. Because that difficult terrain will definitely adversely affect Brianna right now. That was only two actions. Mm hmm. What would your third action? [00:49:01] Speaker F: Well, I mean, I can't break with tradition, but. [00:49:04] Speaker B: Magic mizzle. [00:49:07] Speaker A: Okay. [00:49:08] Speaker F: We'll be doing that at level five. One action. [00:49:14] Speaker A: Okay, so 1212 damage. This is evocation force and a cult. Okay, so. Whoo. There's a lot of stuff to. To read. Nothing. It. No damage goes through. [00:49:29] Speaker F: Oh, okay, so it. [00:49:30] Speaker A: Yeah, I misread. Sorry. Next up is twin Talon. [00:49:37] Speaker D: All right, twin Talon's gonna come in with some stabs like you do. [00:49:42] Speaker A: Do you. Do you have to? Do you have to, do you have to? [00:49:46] Speaker D: I do. I do. Like, one thing on this podcast that stab people. Good. [00:49:51] Speaker A: So you give morale boost to goblins having a crisis of faith, I guess. [00:49:57] Speaker D: 28 versus his flat footed ac. This one eyed guy. [00:50:00] Speaker A: Well, that is a hit. [00:50:01] Speaker D: All right, so that's 26 damage. And I'm gonna give him the debilitating strike of an extra two d six damage on all my attacks. Okay, then I will attack him again. Okay, that was a 27 to hit. Assume that still hits. [00:50:17] Speaker A: That will hit. Yes, because it is one higher. [00:50:20] Speaker D: All right. And that does 35 damage. [00:50:23] Speaker A: Jesus. Okay, he's still alive. [00:50:29] Speaker D: And come on. [00:50:31] Speaker A: Go for that third one. You can do that. Come on. One more. [00:50:35] Speaker D: And with my last action, I am going to battle medicine. [00:50:41] Speaker A: Okay. [00:50:43] Speaker D: And. And I'm going to call to across from me. [00:50:50] Speaker C: Yes, sir. [00:50:51] Speaker D: I'm be like, hit me. And. [00:50:54] Speaker A: Oh, no. [00:51:01] Speaker D: Medicine. [00:51:03] Speaker A: Yes, it is a medicine. Check. [00:51:04] Speaker D: She's gonna roll medicine. Got a 16, which, because I'm just trained, 15 is my only option anyway, so that's fine. [00:51:11] Speaker A: Yeah, that's two d, eight healing. [00:51:14] Speaker D: That's 16. I'll take it. [00:51:16] Speaker A: She's okay. [00:51:18] Speaker D: If you could apply that healing, Sean. Thank you. [00:51:20] Speaker A: I did, unfortunately. [00:51:21] Speaker D: All right, that's it. Oh, wait, no. And Taisani goes, oh, to Sonny. [00:51:26] Speaker A: Well, she will go, but not quite yet. [00:51:29] Speaker D: Okay. [00:51:31] Speaker A: Because he will go next week. [00:51:36] Speaker D: What a weird spot to end the episode. [00:51:38] Speaker A: Sure, why not? [00:51:39] Speaker B: Oh, for goodness sake. [00:51:42] Speaker A: Thank you for listening to the Crack Die podcast. Background sound effects provided by sirenscape. Because Epic Games deserve epic music. Please visit [email protected] Pathfinder second edition, Age of Ashes, adventure Path are all copyright of Paizo Publishing. Please visit [email protected] for more information.