The Cracked Die Podcast - Episode 97 - Ship to Wreck

[00:00:38] Speaker A: Welcome to the 97th episode of the Cracked Die podcast. [00:00:44] Speaker B: Getting up there, huh? [00:00:45] Speaker C: So old. [00:00:49] Speaker A: Our episode numbers are almost to Matt's actual age. [00:00:52] Speaker C: Almost how? [00:00:54] Speaker D: I thought we established Rob was the oldest of us. [00:00:56] Speaker C: I don't know what we've established. [00:00:58] Speaker E: Only fourth dimensionally. [00:01:01] Speaker D: I've lost all track of everything. I just know I'm still probably the baby. [00:01:05] Speaker B: Yes. Yes, you are. [00:01:06] Speaker D: Yes. [00:01:07] Speaker A: Show off. [00:01:08] Speaker C: Before we get started, I'd like to wish everyone a happy September 16, because that's the date of today, very early in the morning when we're recording this. [00:01:18] Speaker E: It's hot out there for September, but sure. [00:01:23] Speaker C: Well, you know, global warming. [00:01:24] Speaker B: How about that thing in the news? [00:01:26] Speaker C: Yeah, that thing in the news. I can't believe it. And. Or I'm excited. [00:01:32] Speaker E: Could you believe how the Olympics went? [00:01:35] Speaker D: Okay, man, that country with all the gold. [00:01:39] Speaker C: Yeah, I think now's a good time. So I think maybe what we should do is we should just make predictions about things that are gonna happen. Can you believe the Olympics were canceled? [00:01:52] Speaker D: Okay, that sounds like it could actually really happen. [00:01:56] Speaker A: Oh, no, no. I can't believe the entire state of Illinois. [00:02:01] Speaker C: Uh huh. [00:02:02] Speaker A: Got phased into another dimension. [00:02:04] Speaker C: Yeah, that was rough. [00:02:06] Speaker A: That was weird. Yeah. [00:02:07] Speaker D: All those state lines that just kind of didn't lead anywhere. [00:02:10] Speaker A: Indiana is now waterfront property. It's really strange. [00:02:15] Speaker E: Thank God we all bought stock in jell O. I mean, could you imagine if we hadn't? We'd be poor like all the rest of the peasants. [00:02:22] Speaker C: Jell. Oh, yeah. [00:02:26] Speaker D: Yeah. That kool aid Jello merger was incredible. [00:02:30] Speaker B: Oh. Oh, no. [00:02:31] Speaker C: If they're not the same company, that's weird. I feel like they're the same product. One with just, like, one extra ingredient that makes it jiggle. [00:02:41] Speaker D: One has horse hooves in it. [00:02:43] Speaker A: Cool jell o sounds like a Doritos flavor. [00:02:46] Speaker E: Cool ranch jell o. I'm wondering if the tuna donuts at Dunkin donuts are still the best selling thing. [00:02:54] Speaker D: Oh, God. [00:02:55] Speaker B: Why? Just why? [00:02:58] Speaker D: Anyway, speaking of gelatin and pork products, these wild boars. [00:03:01] Speaker C: Yeah, right. [00:03:03] Speaker D: Look, that was a flawless transition. [00:03:06] Speaker A: I was in shock at how. How well that went. [00:03:09] Speaker F: Smooth move. [00:03:10] Speaker A: So when we last left, you guys were on the k, which is a fancy word for a dock. And we looked up to find out that twin talon could not calm these boars, which is dumb. I think we all agreed on that. [00:03:25] Speaker D: Just kind of what he do. [00:03:26] Speaker A: They decided to attack a bald Alyssa Edwards looking lady, decided to come up and try and stab our newest compatriot. Ooo. [00:03:36] Speaker D: Also, can I get a confirmation? Like, if the artist who did Scarlet triad sneaks. If she was your inspiration, I just want to know. [00:03:42] Speaker A: Ooh. Punched this scarlet triad member right in the stomach, and fire came out of her fist, which was a shock to everyone involved. And now it is Brianna's turn. [00:03:54] Speaker B: Cool. So seeing that this sneak is going after her new fighter friend and her squishies, she's gonna try and do something different. I'm going to be a dumb and probably step out of a threatened square. Does something happen to the boars? [00:04:12] Speaker A: No. No, they do not. [00:04:13] Speaker B: Beautiful. She's gonna continue moving and appear, and she's going to shove this person, okay. In the direction of the water. [00:04:24] Speaker A: Okay, go ahead and make an athletics check versus their fortitude DC. [00:04:29] Speaker B: Oh, I will. [00:04:30] Speaker A: Oh, you will, will you? [00:04:32] Speaker C: Apparently. [00:04:33] Speaker B: How's a 37? [00:04:34] Speaker D: Oh, damn. [00:04:36] Speaker A: That is a double crit. [00:04:38] Speaker B: You forget, I'm a master in athletics. [00:04:41] Speaker C: She's a master of disaster. [00:04:43] Speaker A: So I'm gonna say since you, you don't draw a crit card on this, but you do critical success, so you push them 10ft away from you, and. [00:04:51] Speaker D: I believe you can stride after. [00:04:52] Speaker C: Would you say that if it's a double critical, the difference between success and critical is 5ft? Maybe another 5ft. [00:04:58] Speaker A: Yeah, I was gonna say 15. I like that. [00:05:01] Speaker B: Okay. All right, all right. That's what happens. Briana steps back, charges flavor charges, and shoves this woman into the water, hopefully getting eaten by some toothy, toothy, grinning animals back there. [00:05:15] Speaker A: Would you like to stride after her? [00:05:17] Speaker B: What do you think, guys? Should I stride after her? [00:05:19] Speaker C: I mean, it depends if you want to keep fighting her. [00:05:20] Speaker B: Yeah, I mean, how deep is the water? Is she gonna be able to climb back up? [00:05:25] Speaker D: You're just gonna, like, hold her down? [00:05:27] Speaker A: Yeah, she kind of just got cannonballed backwards into the water. So it's gonna take her at least two actions to swim to the surface, depending on how good her athletics is. [00:05:36] Speaker B: To swim again, how tall is the key? [00:05:39] Speaker A: So the key is floating on top of the water. The water is deep enough to have a large. I keep wanting to call it a cruise ship. It is definitely not a cruise ship. [00:05:50] Speaker D: Are we talking like a. But it is a galleon. [00:05:52] Speaker A: I mean, it's like a galleon. Probably a galleon. [00:05:55] Speaker B: Okay. [00:05:56] Speaker C: It's draw significant. I think the question really is how far is the k or key above the water, correct? [00:06:04] Speaker A: I'd say at least 5ft. [00:06:06] Speaker B: Man, that's lame. [00:06:07] Speaker C: Well, I don't know that she could even get out of that. [00:06:10] Speaker D: Yeah, she might just have to, like, go to shore and come back if she's gonna do anything. [00:06:13] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:06:14] Speaker B: Okay, so I'm just gonna walk back towards where I was. [00:06:19] Speaker A: So Brianna goes, excuse me, mister boar. Yep. That is throwing up and sick right now. [00:06:25] Speaker D: Yep. [00:06:25] Speaker A: Moves over gently, shoves this creature 15ft into the water. Yep. And then walks back and goes, okay, where was I? [00:06:34] Speaker B: Pretty much that's exactly what she does. [00:06:36] Speaker D: And the fact Shawn says gently, and I'm imagining, like, the full on, like, shield backhand just sends her flying. [00:06:43] Speaker C: Yeah, she's got to go flying. I just imagine her, like, arms and legs flailing as she just goes over the edge. [00:06:48] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:06:49] Speaker A: Well, so this creature's full focus was on. Ooh. And then she just got blindsided by. She got t boned by Brianna. [00:06:59] Speaker C: Yeah. And the funny thing was, so people can't see this except us, but Brianna moved, like, in a j shape. So, like, like, as a knight would move. So she kind of, like, went down, pivoted, changed directions, launched this lady off. [00:07:13] Speaker D: A pier, and then closed the triangle to go back. [00:07:16] Speaker C: Yeah. And then just walk back. That's that. That was a lot of fun. That was a good turn. [00:07:20] Speaker A: All right, Saraya, it is your turn. [00:07:23] Speaker D: So I'm right behind Tasani, okay. And I'm gonna. I'm gonna cook up some boars, some, uh. [00:07:32] Speaker A: I'm sorry, you're gonna cook up some borscht? Is that what you said? [00:07:35] Speaker D: Boars? [00:07:36] Speaker A: Oh, oh, I heard borscht. I was like, you pull out the cauldron, you put some beets in there. [00:07:42] Speaker D: Exactly. 26 to hit the one that's right in front of Brianna. [00:07:45] Speaker A: A 26 will hit, cooking up some sick beets. [00:07:50] Speaker D: Oh, wow. [00:07:53] Speaker A: I'm so mad at you. [00:07:58] Speaker D: All right. [00:07:59] Speaker A: Okay. [00:07:59] Speaker D: 14 damage to start. Two persistent. And its body is taking two splash. [00:08:05] Speaker A: Okay, and what type of damage is this? [00:08:07] Speaker D: Fire. [00:08:07] Speaker A: Two fire. [00:08:09] Speaker D: Boys on fire. [00:08:11] Speaker A: All right. And you have one more action. One more action. [00:08:16] Speaker D: No, I don't think this applies. So I'm going to just double check with you guys for quick bomber. I can draw and throw in the same action. If I have a prepared elixir, can I draw and drink in the same action, or is it two separate? [00:08:28] Speaker C: I mean, it really depends on what the text says. If it's draw and throw, then I guess not. [00:08:33] Speaker D: That's what I was thinking. [00:08:34] Speaker A: Which is it says you interact to draw a bomb, specifically bomb, and then strike with it. [00:08:40] Speaker D: Oh, yeah, that's what I thought. [00:08:42] Speaker A: So that would be separate, unfortunately. [00:08:44] Speaker D: Okay, I'm just gonna make this this piggy's day even worse. And I'm going to make sure. So is it the one that's in front of Brianna or twin talon that is already, like, sick and is now on fire and everything? [00:08:58] Speaker A: The one in front of Brianna. [00:09:00] Speaker D: Perfect. I'm gonna make his day even worse, and we're gonna hit him with some poison. I'm gonna throw a light bomb at him. Does a 30 hit. [00:09:07] Speaker A: That is a critical hit. [00:09:08] Speaker C: Nice. [00:09:09] Speaker D: So my critical hit card, bomb or spell? If this is an electricity speller bomb, it is not. Any other bomb or spell deals double damage. [00:09:17] Speaker A: Okay. [00:09:17] Speaker F: All right. [00:09:18] Speaker D: Yeah. Two, d, six times two. Plus two, d, four. Persistent. Plus two, splash. [00:09:24] Speaker A: So two, D, six. You rolled. [00:09:26] Speaker D: Five times two is ten, plus three, persistent is 13. [00:09:31] Speaker F: Yes. [00:09:32] Speaker D: And then the other one takes two more splash this time. Poison. [00:09:36] Speaker A: So it takes ten first, and then it's two, d, four. Persistent. [00:09:40] Speaker D: Yes. Which would be the three. [00:09:42] Speaker A: And that's acid. [00:09:44] Speaker D: Poison. [00:09:45] Speaker A: Poison. Two, d, four. And then it's buddy takes how much squirrel? [00:09:53] Speaker D: Two. Poison, splash. [00:09:55] Speaker A: Two poison, splash. Okay. You have thoroughly made my head hurt, Christine. [00:10:00] Speaker D: That's what I'm good at. [00:10:01] Speaker A: All right, the last little piggy goes. [00:10:04] Speaker B: Wee, wee, wee, all the way home. [00:10:06] Speaker A: All the way up to. Ooh, ooh, ooh. [00:10:08] Speaker C: Does Brianna still have a reaction? [00:10:10] Speaker A: She does. [00:10:11] Speaker B: Yes, I do. [00:10:13] Speaker A: All right, Brianna, a boar runs by you. Would you like to swing out? [00:10:17] Speaker B: Louise, you know, it's a. That's a 35. [00:10:23] Speaker A: Critical hit. [00:10:24] Speaker B: Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. I'm gonna take this crit hit card and read wide open. The target is flat footed until the end of its next turn. [00:10:36] Speaker A: Okay, so double damage. You do 32 slashing. [00:10:42] Speaker B: There you go. [00:10:44] Speaker A: So that's a thing. [00:10:46] Speaker B: You're welcome. Carry on. [00:10:49] Speaker A: Limps up to in front of oo and will take a bite at oo to start, and a 25 will miss oo. And then we'll take a bite at Saraya. Its movement is long, and it critically fails a natural one. [00:11:18] Speaker B: Haha. Oopsie. [00:11:20] Speaker C: What card did you draw? [00:11:21] Speaker D: Yeah, what'd you draw, buddy? [00:11:22] Speaker A: 33. 33. This would be a melee. [00:11:27] Speaker C: It would be unarmed. Sean. [00:11:28] Speaker A: It would be unarmed. Oh. It's called stop hitting yourself. You hit yourself instead of the target, so it tries to bite you and winds up biting its own tongue for 19 points of damage. [00:11:44] Speaker B: Woof. [00:11:45] Speaker F: Winter winner chicken dinner. [00:11:47] Speaker B: Indeed. [00:11:48] Speaker D: Winter winter bacon dinner. [00:11:50] Speaker A: All right, so the boar in front of Brianna that is sickened, flat footed on fire, and poisoned. [00:12:00] Speaker B: Smells good nature here. [00:12:01] Speaker A: Mm hmm. It's going to attempt to bite Brianna. All right, let's see how well I miss this. 124 versus your 31 is a miss. [00:12:13] Speaker C: Yes. [00:12:13] Speaker B: Yes. Clangs off my shield. [00:12:16] Speaker A: Second attack. [00:12:17] Speaker B: Oh, that is a net 20, though. [00:12:19] Speaker A: It's a net 20. So it's a critical hit. Oh, my goodness. It's barely a critical hit. [00:12:26] Speaker C: It's only a critical because you rolled a 20. [00:12:29] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:12:29] Speaker A: Yeah. Because otherwise it's just a 31, which is your ac, correct. Oh, well, at least it doesn't have a name. You got rid of the only named person. So 32 points of damage. [00:12:42] Speaker B: All right. [00:12:42] Speaker A: And the last attack is going to try and snap at twin talent. Does a eleven hit you? [00:12:50] Speaker C: That critically misses Shaunae. [00:12:54] Speaker A: At first, you fall unconscious until you wake up at the end of your. [00:13:00] Speaker B: Next round, heavy v. So does that. [00:13:03] Speaker D: Mean it takes its persistent damage and cannot save? [00:13:06] Speaker C: Well, it says you fall unconscious until you wake up or the end of your next turn. So once it takes damage, it will wake up. [00:13:14] Speaker A: Oh, my goodness. Okay, so I'm going to move on. [00:13:18] Speaker D: No, he takes his persistent damage, doesn't he? [00:13:21] Speaker A: Oh, I know it's rolling. Hang on. Give it a second. [00:13:23] Speaker D: Okay. [00:13:24] Speaker A: All right, so it takes two fire damage and saves from the fire, then takes three poison damage. And then he rolled a seven, so he does not stop the poison. But he is now conscious again, but he is prone for poor piggy twin talon. Put it out of its misery, please. Right, okay. [00:13:52] Speaker C: I guess so. [00:13:53] Speaker D: We tried to help you, pig. [00:13:55] Speaker C: 36. Get this flat footed acrylic. [00:13:58] Speaker A: Ten higher is. No, that's a regular crit. [00:14:01] Speaker C: Regular crit. Okay. [00:14:03] Speaker A: Crit, yes. Not a double crit. [00:14:05] Speaker C: Okay. Grazing hit, normal damage. The target is Snowden. Stunned three. [00:14:10] Speaker A: And which pig was this? [00:14:11] Speaker C: This is the jacked up pig. [00:14:16] Speaker A: Normal damage and it's stunned three, which. [00:14:20] Speaker D: Means it has no actions. Next turn. [00:14:22] Speaker C: Correct. So that is my sneak attack damage, which is 46. I rolled a ten and then the actual damage from the weapon is 22. [00:14:32] Speaker A: So 26 damage will indeed keep kill that poor, poor, poor, poor. [00:14:37] Speaker C: Great. So now I'm going to attack the board directly in front of me. Okay. 29 versus its flat footed ac. [00:14:47] Speaker A: I mean, it'll hit. [00:14:48] Speaker C: Okay. [00:14:48] Speaker A: It'll just regular hit. [00:14:50] Speaker C: So that is 32 damage from that attack. [00:14:53] Speaker A: 32 damage. All right, one more action. [00:14:59] Speaker C: I'm gonna have Taysani come on, take two actions. Seisani is going to take a five foot flap to the west. So now the boar is directly in between ooh and Taesani. And then Tyson is going to hit the boar. Now that it is flat footed, I guess it's always. It was flat footed previously because of its. Because of Brandon's crit, but yes, she's just moving to flank. That's a 30. [00:15:24] Speaker A: That is a. [00:15:27] Speaker C: Okay. So that is 14 points of beak damage. [00:15:32] Speaker A: Okay. Knife, sword, you're standing on the shoulder of giants. Or. Ooh, your choice. Whatever you want to distinguish her as. [00:15:41] Speaker E: Okay, I'm gonna pull out my flask, take a nip of liquid alchemy, fire. [00:15:45] Speaker B: Oh, for fuck's sake. Take damage. [00:15:49] Speaker E: Yep. And fire a magic missile at the boar in front of me. [00:15:53] Speaker A: Right. [00:15:53] Speaker E: This will be a level three magic missile. [00:15:56] Speaker A: Oh, boy. [00:15:57] Speaker E: Seven damage. [00:15:58] Speaker C: Are you using one action? [00:15:59] Speaker E: No, I took. Pulled out the flask, I took a sip, and I fired a missile. That's three actions. [00:16:03] Speaker C: Okay, my question is, are you using only one action for the magic missile? [00:16:07] Speaker E: Yes. [00:16:07] Speaker C: Okay. And then so we roll damage for fire. [00:16:11] Speaker E: Yeah. [00:16:12] Speaker A: What? [00:16:12] Speaker E: I roll. [00:16:13] Speaker A: Not. Not a nip. I'm waiting till it's like. It won't all hit until you to drink enough of it. [00:16:20] Speaker D: I was just waiting for him to, like, take the two splash damage every time he took a sip. [00:16:24] Speaker A: So you're fine for now. [00:16:27] Speaker D: You're gonna finish the bottle and just burst into a flame. [00:16:30] Speaker A: All right, so the blood boar in front of twin Talon is really unhappy with its lot in life right now and is going to attempt to bite you. Does a 19 hit you? [00:16:45] Speaker C: That is a miss. [00:16:46] Speaker A: Cool. [00:16:46] Speaker C: It's not a crit by one. [00:16:48] Speaker A: And then it's gonna try again. And then a 22 also misses. [00:16:53] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:16:54] Speaker A: And then because I'm masochist, it's gonna take a bite at Brianna. [00:16:59] Speaker B: Sure. [00:17:00] Speaker C: Are you trying to kill it? [00:17:02] Speaker A: Oh, my God. Wow. [00:17:03] Speaker B: Well, I guess it's just my lot in life, but it is lower than my ac, though. [00:17:08] Speaker C: Correct. [00:17:09] Speaker A: So I rolled a natural 20, which gives it a 27. However, since a 27 will not beat your ac, it is a regular hit. [00:17:19] Speaker C: Yep. This is something we haven't, like, come up with before, just because we haven't had that big of a disparate for ac. [00:17:25] Speaker A: 21 points of damage onto Brianna as it bites into her owie. All right. Ooh, you're up. [00:17:33] Speaker F: Me, I am so annoyed because this lady just came out, took all my fun away, threw this lady off the side of the dock, and now I've got a boar in front of me, and I'm still raging, so. [00:17:49] Speaker A: Yes, you are. [00:17:49] Speaker F: I pull out my scimitar. No, my long sword. [00:17:52] Speaker A: Okay. You draw your weapon for one, and. [00:17:54] Speaker F: I strike at it. All right, we getting stuck hog tonight, kids. [00:18:00] Speaker D: 36. [00:18:01] Speaker A: That is a critical hit. [00:18:04] Speaker C: Nice. [00:18:05] Speaker D: I am, like, excited and terrified to see how much damage. This is gonna end up being. [00:18:09] Speaker A: Yeah. Oh, yeah. [00:18:11] Speaker C: This is slashing. [00:18:14] Speaker F: Slashing damage. Okay, cool. Normal damage. Critic target is. It's called hamstring. The target is not prone. The target is also clumsy, too. [00:18:22] Speaker C: Until healed, it's hamstring against the boar. That's fun. [00:18:26] Speaker D: Eight. [00:18:27] Speaker B: That is. That is fun. [00:18:28] Speaker E: Are you gonna let that pass, Sean? That was a blatant pun, but Heidi's. [00:18:32] Speaker A: New, so I'll let it. I'll let it slide. Yeah. All right, go ahead and roll your damage, please. So 23 points of damage. Would you like to describe how this is an x'ed boar at this point? [00:18:48] Speaker F: Sure. Since I'm really angry, I start screaming away and, like, oh, it's sticky. And I started sticking it and sticking it and sticking it, and then it just dies. [00:19:00] Speaker D: I mean, that's a good way to do it. Is any. [00:19:02] Speaker A: All right, you have one more action, if you would like. [00:19:04] Speaker F: Cool. Is night sword still on my back? He's on my shoulder. [00:19:08] Speaker C: He's in your backpack. [00:19:09] Speaker F: Does he, like, encumber me in terms of moving, or do I still have my same moving speed? [00:19:14] Speaker A: You still have your same moving. [00:19:16] Speaker F: All right, so I'm gonna move. I'm gonna move myself up next to this boar that is in front of Twintallen. [00:19:23] Speaker A: Okay. All right. [00:19:24] Speaker D: That knife sort of gets taken along, right? I love it. [00:19:29] Speaker A: Brianna, it is your turn. I just want to point out I'm not interrupting your turn or anything. You notice that there are sailors who were watching this fight. They are now jumping into the water and swimming away. [00:19:42] Speaker B: All right, good for them. They definitely should do that. But for right now, the three fighters are wailing away on this poor thing. Knife sword has also hopped up, and Surya's chucking stuff at it. Am I. Am I right? [00:19:56] Speaker C: Well, nice sword. Got brought along for the ride because he's in ooh's backpack. [00:20:00] Speaker B: All right, checks out. Well, let's try and finish this quick, because I'm not for arming animals, but it did take a whole bunch of bites out of me. [00:20:09] Speaker C: Nice. [00:20:10] Speaker B: 37 to hit. [00:20:11] Speaker A: Well, hiyadhe. [00:20:13] Speaker B: Yes, sir. [00:20:13] Speaker A: That's a double crit. [00:20:14] Speaker B: Oh, my. [00:20:15] Speaker A: Well, then click the critical button twice and pick the card you want. [00:20:19] Speaker B: All right. All right, let's see. [00:20:21] Speaker A: The only rule is, if you do draw a Patreon card, you have to use it. [00:20:25] Speaker B: Well, I think I don't have a choice in the matter, since one of them is called decapitation and it also does triple damage. And we know how much Brianna likes both those things. [00:20:37] Speaker D: I mean, it is kind of her signature crit. [00:20:39] Speaker B: It's true. [00:20:40] Speaker A: Go ahead and roll your triple damage, and I'll see if I have to make the fort. [00:20:45] Speaker B: Save if Brianna had a finishing move. [00:20:48] Speaker A: 14 times three, it's 42 points of damage. [00:20:53] Speaker B: And this poor boar, she steps up, she swings her scimitar back, which is built for this sort of hacking or slashing motion, for that matter, and cleaves its head off of his shoulders. And one fell swoop. Sanctuary, snack, and combat is over. Well, better do it quick. So it's not suffering anymore. It didn't seem to be doing well to begin with. [00:21:17] Speaker C: It's a shame. We needed to fight them, but it couldn't be reasoned with. I wonder who that woman was. [00:21:22] Speaker B: Don't know. She's in the water now. If you want to try and look over and help her up or talk to her, if she's still there. [00:21:28] Speaker C: Nah, it'll probably never come back. We should get on the boat. [00:21:32] Speaker B: Out of curiosity, Briana will kind of, like, peek over the side there, see if she's still floating about or if she went to shore. [00:21:40] Speaker A: You don't see her floating about, but as you look into the distance, you see the telltale signs of someone splashing and kicking and swimming away. [00:21:48] Speaker B: All right? I mean, so are the sailors. So. [00:21:51] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:21:51] Speaker B: Well, onto the boat we go, I suppose. [00:21:54] Speaker D: Let's go. [00:21:54] Speaker A: All right, so as you proceed towards the boat, you do see that there are some sailors still standing on the deck. Do you guys head up the gangplank? [00:22:07] Speaker C: Yeah, I mean, that's the only way on the boat, right? [00:22:08] Speaker A: Yeah. All right, what's the marching order? [00:22:11] Speaker C: I'm gonna let Brianna go in front of me, okay? Yep, yep. But I'll be close behind. [00:22:15] Speaker D: Probably somewhere in the middle. Probably behind twin Talon. [00:22:17] Speaker A: All right. Ooh, where do you want to go? [00:22:19] Speaker F: I guess I'll go in the back. [00:22:20] Speaker A: Okay. And knife swords riding along to sunny will be flapping next to you. [00:22:25] Speaker C: Yeah, sure. [00:22:26] Speaker A: Great. So gun walls shelter the ship's deck, where two thick masts rise, their sails neatly furled. Large wooden grates in the central deck provide access to the darkened hold. Below. You see three sailors on the deck with their scimitars drawn, and you see a creature sitting on a oversized stool near a door. This creature is purple with four sets of horns. Pretty gross looking. [00:23:01] Speaker C: So, do the sailors all look female? [00:23:03] Speaker A: No, their tokens are, but that's the generic token. But we have one male and two female sailors. [00:23:09] Speaker C: So if the women have sharp swords, would they maybe cut lasses? Please, just go away okay, I'm. [00:23:18] Speaker D: Oh, my God. [00:23:20] Speaker C: All right, I'm over here. [00:23:23] Speaker A: This is what the creature sitting on the stool looks like. A little less blood dripping from it. [00:23:28] Speaker C: Yes. [00:23:28] Speaker D: You know, so, like, rave time, Chernobog looks like diablo? [00:23:33] Speaker E: I don't know, but that looks like it could punish matt. [00:23:36] Speaker B: I give up. I'm out. Bye. [00:23:39] Speaker D: I mean, I was gonna give, like, points for the attempt, but, you know. [00:23:44] Speaker A: They have their scimitars drawn. They're pointing them at you as you approach the deck. [00:23:52] Speaker B: I guess we cannot have a civil discussion, ladies and gentlemen. [00:23:57] Speaker A: You see, the sailors look at you, and then look at the creature in the chair that stands up and kind of, like, pricks its neck and steps towards you. [00:24:12] Speaker B: All right, I guess I'm going to be smiting you first, then. [00:24:16] Speaker D: Okay, so we're doing this? [00:24:18] Speaker A: Well, oh, I mean, we can discuss things. [00:24:24] Speaker F: I'm just saying, right now, I would love to discuss some things. [00:24:29] Speaker D: Okay. [00:24:30] Speaker A: Because you're looking very easy. You all look like rather hardy specimens, and I will obviously easily beat all of you. You. So if you would like to make things simple, you can just join our groups downstairs, and we will take you away, and it will be quite simple and easy. Otherwise, we can do this whole fight thing, and you can all get hurt, and, well, that will lower your value. And then, of course, I get paid less. [00:25:11] Speaker E: I want to eat this guy. [00:25:13] Speaker D: Oh, you don't seem to understand how this works. [00:25:15] Speaker C: What groups are we able to be joined? [00:25:17] Speaker A: Oh, all of the. The ones we've already captured downstairs, but. [00:25:24] Speaker C: I guess like a chess club or anything. Fun slaves. Nah, I'm not really into that. [00:25:30] Speaker B: Yeah, sounds boring. [00:25:32] Speaker F: I'm not going to do that again. [00:25:34] Speaker D: We did find her tied up and gagged. [00:25:36] Speaker B: That is true. Well, I guess we have our answer, then. I do not deal with slavers. [00:25:44] Speaker A: Oh, that's a shame. I thought we were getting along so well. I thought we could make this quite easy, and we would just surrender. [00:25:52] Speaker B: I mean, we could. You could be the one to surrender. Nobody else gets hurt. [00:25:58] Speaker C: Also, do you know a guy with no eyes and bloody pants? He had, like, a blue coat on. [00:26:04] Speaker A: Oh, no. [00:26:06] Speaker C: Okay. [00:26:07] Speaker E: Yep. I'm gonna eat him. [00:26:09] Speaker C: Just curious. [00:26:10] Speaker A: That's a weird question. [00:26:12] Speaker C: Oh, we met a guy from the redfoot collective, or. Who are you again? Scarlet Triad. And that's what he looked like. And he came to town, was talking a lot of smack, ended up dead. Just curious if you knew him. [00:26:27] Speaker A: I don't know. Don't know him. Everyone I know has eyes. Unless I remove them and eat them. Well, I guess. I guess we're gonna do this. [00:26:38] Speaker B: I guess so. [00:26:39] Speaker A: He cracks his knuckles, kind of like stretches a little bit. Let's roll some initiative. The three pirates are looking between the two groups. Well, your group and this guy. And they're like. [00:26:57] Speaker E: Just cuz we're gonna do this doesn't mean we have to be uncivilized. Would anyone like a pre fight drink? [00:27:03] Speaker F: I would love one. [00:27:05] Speaker D: That is not for drinking. [00:27:07] Speaker B: Maybe for them it is anything. [00:27:10] Speaker D: I prefer a real drink. Pour this fight out for ten. [00:27:14] Speaker A: All right, so let's go down the order. Christine, what is your new and initiative? [00:27:19] Speaker D: 30. [00:27:20] Speaker A: All right. Haya. [00:27:22] Speaker D: 18. [00:27:24] Speaker A: All right, 18. [00:27:26] Speaker F: Heidi, who is at 18? [00:27:29] Speaker B: Do you want to go first? [00:27:30] Speaker A: Yeah. Who wants to go first, Heidi or Hya? [00:27:34] Speaker F: I'll go first. I don't care. Let's go do it. [00:27:37] Speaker A: Great. [00:27:38] Speaker B: Do it. [00:27:39] Speaker A: All right then. Matt, what is twin talons initiative? [00:27:48] Speaker E: I think Matt made a mistake because his is 36 and mine's 28. And obviously mine has to be higher than his normally. [00:27:56] Speaker C: Normally it is. [00:27:57] Speaker A: All right, so let us begin. Matt, we're going first. [00:28:06] Speaker C: All right. Twintalen is going to, uh, just kind of look to the three sailors and he'll kind of point to the ocean where everybody else is swimming away and I'll say, feel free to, you know, fuck off at any time. And then he is going to move in to the sailor in front of him. [00:28:30] Speaker A: Okay. [00:28:31] Speaker C: And he will attack her. They are flat footed to twin Talon. [00:28:36] Speaker A: Okay. Yep. They are flat footed. [00:28:40] Speaker C: That's a 32 to hit. [00:28:42] Speaker A: Oh my goodness. That is a critical hit. [00:28:44] Speaker C: Okay. Piercing nerve cluster, normal damage. Boo. The target is stunned too. Yes. And something I said before is incorrect. Precision is just whatever type of damage the original damage was, it isn't a different type. But if they're immune to precision, then sure they'll be into it. But like, it's not, it's not. Not physical, if that makes sense. [00:29:12] Speaker A: Yeah, no, that totally makes sense. But all of it does go through. They get hit for 29 points of damage. [00:29:19] Speaker C: And I would like to put debilitating strike on them so that they take an extra two d. Six damage from all of my attacks. [00:29:25] Speaker A: Okay. [00:29:26] Speaker C: And then I will attack them again. 27 to hit their flat footed ac. [00:29:31] Speaker A: 27 versus their flat footed ac. Now that will hit. [00:29:39] Speaker C: Okay, so that is 26 plus the precipitating, the debilitating strike, the precise debilitation does an extra ten. So 36 damage to that character in that attack. [00:29:55] Speaker A: They are bleeding terribly. [00:30:00] Speaker B: Ha ha. [00:30:01] Speaker C: And they're still. [00:30:03] Speaker A: They're still up. [00:30:04] Speaker C: Okay, ante. Shani will just come up and be next to me. [00:30:07] Speaker A: All right, next is this large purple creatures turn and it chortles and goes. Is a fine day when the slaves come to me and he will move up to twin Talon. [00:30:27] Speaker C: Yeah, I just assume this is gonna. I'm gonna get murdered here by this. Looks like it's a demon. I don't know what it is, but it certainly looks like a demon. [00:30:36] Speaker A: All right. Okay. Matt, can you please make a will save? [00:30:44] Speaker C: I will try. 30. [00:30:48] Speaker A: You succeed. So what everyone sees is you see a, like, ghostly image of twin Talon. Like, start to pull away from physical twin Talon, and then it snaps back into twin Talon. [00:31:09] Speaker D: Go down. [00:31:10] Speaker B: Not okay. [00:31:11] Speaker A: Twin talon feels like part of his, like, life essence was trying to be sucked out of his body. [00:31:18] Speaker B: Nope. [00:31:18] Speaker A: And it did not. [00:31:20] Speaker C: Didn't work. Great. [00:31:22] Speaker A: You are immune for 24 hours from that effect. Good food. All right, Soraya, you are up. [00:31:31] Speaker D: What kind of recall knowledge chip would I have to make for this lovely, horrifying creature? [00:31:38] Speaker A: Religion. [00:31:39] Speaker D: Anything else or just religion? [00:31:41] Speaker A: I can say religion in a different voice. Religion. [00:31:45] Speaker D: Okay, look, sometimes it's like any of the casting schools. I just wanted to check. I know religion's plus 13. Okay, this works well enough. [00:31:57] Speaker A: 15 is not. Wow. [00:31:59] Speaker D: I rolled a two. [00:32:01] Speaker A: Yes, but would you like to use your hero point? [00:32:03] Speaker D: I actually would because I really want to know about this guy. That's right. [00:32:11] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:32:11] Speaker D: Let's take that back. Religion. If I roll another two or one, I may just cry. [00:32:18] Speaker C: Rolled a one and a two. [00:32:20] Speaker A: Yeah. Rolled a twelve. [00:32:22] Speaker D: Okay, so 25. What do I know about him? [00:32:24] Speaker A: So this is a. All right, here we go. I'm going to try and say this properly. [00:32:38] Speaker B: Okay? Sure. [00:32:40] Speaker A: Kalvakis. It is a medium demon fiend who is chaotic evil. What would you like to know about this lovely creature? [00:32:50] Speaker D: Weaknesses. [00:32:52] Speaker A: Weaknesses it has. Oh, I missed it. There you go. Weakness. Cold iron. Ten. Good. Ten. And liberation vulnerability. [00:33:09] Speaker C: Liberation vulnerability. [00:33:11] Speaker A: Liberation vulnerability. What is that, Sean? Well, I'm glad you asked. [00:33:18] Speaker C: But we did ask. [00:33:19] Speaker A: I know. That's why I'm glad you asked. [00:33:21] Speaker C: All right. [00:33:22] Speaker A: Liberation vulnerability. The first time, each round that a creature escapes from the slaver, demons ensnare soul. Or the slave or demon witnesses a creature being freed from captivity or mental enslavement. The demon takes three. D, six. Mental damage. [00:33:42] Speaker D: Oh, so to take a damage when. [00:33:44] Speaker C: Twin Chelan succeeded, is it trying to save my soul? Is that what it was doing? [00:33:48] Speaker A: Maybe. [00:33:49] Speaker D: Cool. [00:33:50] Speaker C: Yeah. So, to Christine's question, did it take damage when that happened? [00:33:54] Speaker A: So I don't know. If it does, it says. [00:33:58] Speaker D: If it doesn't. If it doesn't get ensnared or someone goes free. Right? [00:34:02] Speaker A: Slavery witnesses a creature being freed from captivity or mental enslavement. [00:34:09] Speaker C: I thought there was something. [00:34:10] Speaker D: There was something very specifically about its ensnare soul. [00:34:13] Speaker A: A creature escapes from the slavered demons. Enslaved soul. All right. Yeah, you know what? You're right. It does. So I should roll three d, six, and it will take three d, six points of damage. [00:34:28] Speaker D: All right, so the recall knowledge was my first action. From a second, I'm gonna grab one of my unused batches of reagents, give it a good shake, and it a smooch, and chuck it at him. Checks out, because very specifically, what it does is. Well, number one, does a 35 hit the guy? [00:34:52] Speaker A: Does a 35 hit him? Yes, it does. Cool. [00:34:55] Speaker D: So it does one d, four damage. Two splash, and the damage is good. [00:35:01] Speaker A: Okay, I'm sorry. Say that one more time. [00:35:03] Speaker D: So, alignment ampoules, which is what I just made and am chucking. This glass sphere is divided into four quarters, each of which contains a different material aligned with good, evil, chaos, or law, such as having a few shavings from our holy relic, or dried flowers grow near the rift. When an alignment ampoule strikes a creature with a weakness to good, evil, chaos, or law, it deals the listed damage, which matches the creature's highest weakness. Damage is always based on the weakness of the initial target. So he takes one d, four good damage, plus the weakness. [00:35:33] Speaker A: Too. Good. Okay, so you're just doing one d, four, plus his weakness. Yes. [00:35:38] Speaker C: And it has a splash too. [00:35:39] Speaker D: It does have a splash. Two splash. I doubt that affects the sailors, but it does have the two splash on him. So it's a three on the die. Plus the two splash is five. Plus the ten weakness would be 15. [00:35:51] Speaker A: Yes. All right, she's gonna like neener. [00:35:55] Speaker D: Neener. [00:35:55] Speaker A: Brianna's eyes grow big as she sees the target. All right, that was one, two, and three for you. Knife, sword. It is your turn. [00:36:04] Speaker D: I would also just like to lean over to briana, because she is right next to me and be like, it is a fiend. It is evil. Go on. [00:36:14] Speaker A: Go on. Have fun. [00:36:16] Speaker E: Heheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheh all right, let me just check a distance here for a second. All right, that circle hit twin town. Oh. [00:36:29] Speaker C: Oh. Pops up. No, it does not. It also doesn't hit either of the people in front of me. [00:36:33] Speaker A: Yeah, we need to move forward 5ft. [00:36:36] Speaker C: Perfect. [00:36:36] Speaker E: Like that. [00:36:37] Speaker C: Perfect. Yep. [00:36:37] Speaker A: That hits everyone but twin talon into something. So you want to move it forward 5ft. [00:36:42] Speaker C: No you don't. It's fine. [00:36:45] Speaker E: Right, okay, the 31 hit them. [00:36:51] Speaker A: 31, I mean, yes, 31. It hits both of them or all three of them? [00:36:58] Speaker E: What excel is this? Oh, you're very familiar with this one. We just used it. [00:37:03] Speaker C: Oh, tentacles. [00:37:05] Speaker E: Yes. [00:37:06] Speaker C: So the deck of the ship erupts in tentacles. [00:37:09] Speaker E: Uh huh. [00:37:10] Speaker A: Yep. [00:37:11] Speaker E: I was gonna use gravity well, but then I thought that that would also affect the pat the prisoners underneath, and I didn't want to hurt them. [00:37:17] Speaker C: You just hear slamming into the ceiling. [00:37:20] Speaker E: Yeah. [00:37:20] Speaker D: Oh. [00:37:23] Speaker E: Look, a crack die podcast. [00:37:27] Speaker A: Okay, so wait a minute, I get to save it all or. No. Is it an attack? [00:37:33] Speaker C: It's an attack roll. [00:37:35] Speaker E: Yeah, it's tack roll. [00:37:36] Speaker A: Oh, this is versus our fortitude DC. [00:37:39] Speaker E: Yes. Not an attack, it's fortitude. Sorry, I hit the wrong side. The wrong spell open. [00:37:46] Speaker A: That's all right, that's right. That is still a hit. And a two regular hits. Okay, so they all are grappled now, right? [00:38:01] Speaker E: Yep. [00:38:03] Speaker A: It's grabbed and takes three d six bludgeoning. Okay, how much damage did you do? [00:38:10] Speaker E: 13. [00:38:11] Speaker A: Okay, so you kill the sailor in front of twin Talon. [00:38:15] Speaker E: Yeah. The tentacles rise up from the ground and one wraps around their neck and run. Wraps around their legs and just now they're two pieces. [00:38:23] Speaker B: Oh lord. [00:38:23] Speaker A: Oh good. [00:38:26] Speaker E: And I just, and then the tentacle like leans over and like brushes it in the demon's face. [00:38:33] Speaker B: Jeez. [00:38:34] Speaker A: All right, well then, so at this. [00:38:38] Speaker C: Point, Twintalon's gonna look at the one sailor who's not in the tentacles and just be like, told ya, just kind of shrug. [00:38:45] Speaker B: You can still plea. [00:38:48] Speaker A: Okay, so it is the, it is the sailor who is grabbed by the tentacle, screaming. This sailor attempts to attack the tentacle with its scimitar and misses. Tries again. Misses. We'll try one more time. [00:39:14] Speaker E: What is happening? [00:39:15] Speaker C: I'm trying to get rid of the tentacles. [00:39:17] Speaker A: Yeah. Wow. I rolled three tens in a row and they all missed. [00:39:22] Speaker C: What's the DC? That last one is a critical miss. [00:39:31] Speaker A: You can't use this weapon to attack until the end of your next turn. Weapon? Yep. The tentacle grabs the scimitar away from the sailor. The sailor that is over here, closer to the bow of the deck of the boat, decides to move away to the very bow of the deck, drops their scimitar, draws a short bow and will attempt to shoot. Twin talon range is 60ft. Okay, we're good. We're still in first range increment. [00:40:19] Speaker C: How close is it? [00:40:20] Speaker A: It's 50. [00:40:21] Speaker C: 50Ft. Okay. [00:40:23] Speaker A: Yeah. And the first range increment is 60 okay? Yep. So here comes the short bow. Does a. 22 hit you? [00:40:38] Speaker C: No. So twit's hell. Like, just kind of dodges as the thing whips. I think one, like, he flinches as it whizzes by his head. He's like, were you born stupid? [00:40:53] Speaker A: Ooh. It is your turn. [00:40:55] Speaker F: Mama's turn. Okay. All right. I think I want to do a thing. [00:41:07] Speaker A: That's good. [00:41:09] Speaker F: Um, do I recall these people as being the people who tied me up? [00:41:14] Speaker A: You notice the symbol on the sailors jackets as the same symbol as the people who did tie you up. [00:41:23] Speaker B: Cool. [00:41:24] Speaker F: So I extra don't like them. You know, that's not what. I didn't even have to pay for that, but that's not what I was signing for. Um, so I'm. I'm gonna do this thing. Where is it? [00:41:43] Speaker D: Can you just say, I'm, like, loving our new, like, kink positive hat orc. [00:41:48] Speaker A: By the way, this is the symbol that you saw on their arm that. On the people who tied you up. And this is the same symbol that is on the people on the boat. It is a triangle with. With a circle with three more triangles on top, like a crown. [00:42:06] Speaker F: It looks like somebody is having a party with a bowtie on their head or like, a big, fat bow on their head. [00:42:12] Speaker C: Yes. Yes. That is what it is. [00:42:17] Speaker F: Now, this is gonna make it really ominous, and it does not work on me. [00:42:25] Speaker D: Okay. [00:42:25] Speaker F: Scary demon party hat with a bowtie. I'm gonna do this thing where I sudden charge, which gives me. [00:42:37] Speaker A: You currently are not raging. Would you like to rage first? [00:42:40] Speaker F: Oh, yes, please. [00:42:44] Speaker A: Yep. There you go. You're raging. [00:42:46] Speaker F: I would like to suddenly charge them and I can stride twice and spend. [00:42:52] Speaker A: So them being. I would. [00:42:55] Speaker F: The blue character. [00:42:57] Speaker A: The blue character. [00:42:59] Speaker C: Okay, so she can get up. If she can go through Taesani and then go diagonally southeast, she can be out of the tentacles. Double move. And then attack. [00:43:11] Speaker A: Double move. Oh, yeah, she totally can. Can reach. Yeah, right there. Yeah. Oh, yeah, you're good. And then you may strike with either your fist or long. [00:43:26] Speaker D: Sometimes you just need to punch a dude. [00:43:28] Speaker C: Oh. [00:43:33] Speaker B: Yes. Girl 20. [00:43:38] Speaker D: Please tell me. Please tell me that's a double crit. [00:43:42] Speaker A: It is not a double crit. It is a regular crit. [00:43:45] Speaker D: Okay, that's still exciting. [00:43:48] Speaker F: Bludgeoning, correct. [00:43:49] Speaker A: Yes. And this is from one of our. [00:43:53] Speaker F: Hey, tweet. [00:43:54] Speaker B: Ooh. [00:43:55] Speaker A: It's from Mike from Perth. [00:43:58] Speaker B: Hi, Mike. [00:43:59] Speaker F: Thanks, Mike. [00:43:59] Speaker D: Little pearlsies. [00:44:01] Speaker F: This is called dislocated elbow. Target is sickened. Two and slowed. [00:44:05] Speaker C: One is this the second card that Mike submitted, I feel like he's got a different card. [00:44:10] Speaker D: No, no, but we do have, like, our, like, five Aussie listeners. [00:44:16] Speaker C: Okay. [00:44:17] Speaker A: They're not all the same. [00:44:18] Speaker C: I know. I thought I could have sworn it was Mike from Perth last time. Specifically. [00:44:22] Speaker D: Mike from Perth was. [00:44:23] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:44:24] Speaker D: I don't know. [00:44:25] Speaker A: Well, we. We are going through the cards a lot quicker when you guys just constantly crit, so. [00:44:30] Speaker D: Yes, we could have had shuffle and dimash. [00:44:33] Speaker A: Double damage. [00:44:34] Speaker C: That's right. Just kill got hit on me. [00:44:37] Speaker D: I just like the idea that, like, she just runs in and pulls like a Ronda Rousey. [00:44:43] Speaker F: For a 50. [00:44:44] Speaker A: Oh, 50 points. And the target is flat footed until the end of your next turn. Just throwing that one out there doesn't really matter because it's already flat footed, but. Oh. Ow. Okay. [00:45:05] Speaker C: Second two slowed. One. [00:45:06] Speaker A: Brianna, it is your turn. [00:45:08] Speaker B: Brianna is saying the amount of fun that oo seems to be having on the creature she is about to smite. Her compatriots would notice that there is like a. Like a glistening, like a. A tinkling sort of glow of. Of golden wings that seem to come from her as her eyes also kind of go gold for a moment and she says, you, creature, you need to be taken back to the depths from whence you came. And she will flank with. Ooh. And she'll take a swing, I guess, with her scimitar. [00:45:45] Speaker C: And he's flat footed anyway, so. [00:45:48] Speaker A: Yeah. Oh, God. [00:45:49] Speaker B: 33, critical hit. Beautiful. [00:45:51] Speaker D: Surya's just nodding sagely like, yes, this was. This is good. [00:45:56] Speaker B: Missing digits. [00:45:57] Speaker D: Oh, I got them. [00:45:58] Speaker B: Normal damage. Lame. But the crit. The target loses one d. Four fingers on one hand, it becomes clumsy. One until subject to a regeneration spell or similar effect. Let's see how. How many fingers this creature loses, shall we? [00:46:15] Speaker D: Nice to see that happen to someone else now, too. [00:46:18] Speaker B: Three. [00:46:18] Speaker C: Three fingers. [00:46:21] Speaker D: Thank you, Matt. [00:46:24] Speaker B: Normal damage. I have smote him. Welp, there you go. Extra four damage then. [00:46:31] Speaker C: And he's got the weakness to good, so you'll do extra on top of that. [00:46:36] Speaker A: So hang on. You do ten regular damage. [00:46:40] Speaker C: Correct. [00:46:41] Speaker A: And then you do six good damage. But it has a weakness to good. [00:46:47] Speaker B: So that's 16 plus an additional four. [00:46:53] Speaker A: Oh, boy. Okay. All right. How's everyone feeling? [00:46:58] Speaker C: I mean, I feel great. A lot better now that these two buff ladies are in here pounding the shit out of this demon. Creating on it. [00:47:05] Speaker A: All right, twin talent. Oh, it is your turn. [00:47:10] Speaker C: I would like to take a reaction. [00:47:12] Speaker A: Okay. Can you take it next week? [00:47:14] Speaker C: Oh, fuck you, Sean. [00:47:15] Speaker A: Also. [00:47:16] Speaker C: Yeah, that's fine. I'll do it next week. [00:47:19] Speaker B: That's it. I'm kicking Shawn out of this. [00:47:22] Speaker A: Thank you for listening to the crack Die podcast. 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