The Cracked Die Podcast - Episode 86 - Stuck In The Middle With You

[00:00:39] Speaker A: Hello, everyone, and welcome back for episode 86 of the Cracked Die podcast. My name is Matt. I play Twintallen on the show this week. We have kind of a short one. After doing all the editing, I ended up cutting out a bunch of stuff, either because it was just like, long pauses or there was some issue with the sound quality or there was some background noise that we couldn't take out that was overtaking, you know, what was going on. So I do apologize for the brevity of this one. I'm sure our next episode will be back to our normal length. Oh, sure, you say that's what they all say, but no, baby, I'm serious. This has never happened before. But anyway, just a few plugs before we get to the episode. If you like what you're hearing and you want to support the podcast, you can do [email protected]. cracked Die podcast or cracked podcast. One word. You can also check out our Twitch show at Twitch TV, Crackeddy. I am gming a group of four through the agents of Edgewatch Adventure path, a little thing which we like to call Absalom and order. We do that every three weeks. It's not this weekend coming up, but it's the weekend after. So please join us on July 10 for the next episode of Absalom and order. Also, we occasionally do other stuff on that channel. Recently, Brent and Shawn have been playing Crusader kings three. Who's Brent, you ask? Well, he's part of the cast from Absalom and order on Twitch TV, Crackedeye. And now, without further ado, episode 86 of the Crack Die podcast, stuck in the middle with you. [00:02:20] Speaker B: Welcome to the 86th episode of the Cracked Die podcast. [00:02:26] Speaker A: Hooray. [00:02:27] Speaker C: Wait, is that right? [00:02:28] Speaker B: Yep. [00:02:29] Speaker C: Holy cow. [00:02:29] Speaker D: It's just 86 this one, guys. [00:02:32] Speaker A: Wait, hold on a second. Is this the 86 episode? Like, we're 86 in the podcast? Is that what you just said? [00:02:36] Speaker B: No, this is episode number 86. We need everyone to keep listening after this one. [00:02:42] Speaker A: Okay? [00:02:43] Speaker E: Hey, this is actually episode 86. [00:02:45] Speaker D: What? [00:02:46] Speaker C: Hey, have we finally lined up? [00:02:49] Speaker A: I think it's gonna last this episode, but it's nice. It's nice. For once, just know that 14 episodes from now, I think if that's right, we episode 100, which. [00:03:01] Speaker B: Oh, boy. [00:03:02] Speaker A: Yeah, I don't know what that means. [00:03:05] Speaker C: Yeah. Does something happen at 100? I know other podcasts do fun things. [00:03:09] Speaker A: I know. Let's put that on. Shawn. Shawn. Make something good happen on 100. [00:03:13] Speaker B: Well, maybe if you guys behave really well, I'll, you know, give you some more faces. [00:03:21] Speaker C: No. [00:03:24] Speaker A: The gift that keeps on giving. [00:03:26] Speaker B: I guess it's a new meaning to the word facetime. [00:03:31] Speaker C: No. Get out. Get out. [00:03:35] Speaker E: I think he's just being superficial. [00:03:39] Speaker C: Wow. [00:03:43] Speaker B: Okay. So last time you guys went around and spoke to the rest of the families of the defaced people, you went to Morta's mortuary to get death masks made. You went to the great dream house to find out more about Dreamgate, which is the next portal, not some weird political thing. And they gave you as much information, which was nothing. You all got a beautiful, thoughtful gift, including warble got a beautiful, thoughtful gift from knife sword. And it is noon PM on Sunday the 8th of Rova, 4719 Ar. And what are you doing? [00:04:28] Speaker A: So, by my calculations, if I've been counting this correctly, the current project that is ongoing in the citadel is rebuild battlements. That takes a total of 28 days, and they have completed 14 days of it at this point. So we're 14 days away. [00:04:44] Speaker B: That is correct. [00:04:45] Speaker A: I. So unless something happens between now and the end of that twin talons vote would be to stay here, you know, help with the rebuilding, do whatever business we got around town, just kind of relax a little bit. And then once that is done and the next thing is started, then maybe progress through the dream gate and see what's on the other side of it and see how we can affect the. I don't know why I'm thinking reservoir dogs is the name of that cult. It's not the reservoir dogs. What the hell is it? [00:05:16] Speaker C: It is now. Never mind. [00:05:19] Speaker A: Sometimes your brain's just like, nah, I'm done. [00:05:25] Speaker B: You encounter Mister Pink? No. [00:05:28] Speaker A: Cut a zero. [00:05:31] Speaker D: Well, then, no, I think that's a good plan. [00:05:35] Speaker A: Yeah, we write out this, as much as it's an arbitrary number of days to hang out. Like, we write out this thing, we can, at least at that point, use the parties diplomacy to hire new workers, which will get us a discount as long as we do a good job of the hiring, which I think the DC for it is like 18 or 20. And I know Brianna has a diplomacy DC or a bonus of plus 14, so the chance of us failing is poor. Do you have a better diplomacy DC than that? [00:06:10] Speaker E: It might be 17. [00:06:11] Speaker A: Okay, great. [00:06:13] Speaker C: There we go. [00:06:14] Speaker A: I just like. Brianna is a champion, so I know she's got some charisma. It's something that she's decent at, but, yeah, if you have 17, that's great. My point is that it is very likely that we will crit on it, and if we do, that reduces the cost. [00:06:29] Speaker E: Okay, I'm just joking. She could crush me in a single blow. So I'm just. [00:06:34] Speaker C: Yeah, that doesn't mean I'm more diplomatic than you. [00:06:39] Speaker E: Threatening to crush me in a single blow would be very diplomatic. I would do whatever you told me to. [00:06:46] Speaker B: Roll diplomacy. [00:06:47] Speaker C: Okay. [00:06:48] Speaker A: Or else. [00:06:50] Speaker B: Okay. So you have 14 days. So you have two weeks to do whatever you want to do around breach hill. [00:06:59] Speaker D: Okay, well, I'm gonna make everybody some stuff because I can craft stuff. [00:07:05] Speaker B: Okay. Just let me know what you're crafting and we can go from there. [00:07:09] Speaker E: I'm gonna go around and sniff as many officials, town people that I can find to figure out if there's any more hidden bloodsuckers walking around. [00:07:19] Speaker B: Okay. [00:07:20] Speaker C: Them bloodsuckers. [00:07:22] Speaker E: Faceless. Uh, what were they? It was like a week ago. What is it? [00:07:26] Speaker A: Stalkers. [00:07:27] Speaker B: Faceless. [00:07:28] Speaker E: Faceless stalkers. Yeah. Thank you. [00:07:30] Speaker C: Faceless bonkers. Is that what I deserved, too? [00:07:33] Speaker A: That's what it is now. [00:07:34] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:07:34] Speaker A: So you got reservoir dogs, the cult, and faceless bonkers going around bonking peoples in their faces and draining all their blood. [00:07:43] Speaker D: Did I give everybody anonymous dog already? I forget. [00:07:48] Speaker A: I don't recall that you were talking about making them, but I don't know that we actually handed them out at all. [00:07:53] Speaker D: I think I gave everybody a healing potion was the first thing I made. And now everybody has an onyx dog. That's what Zareya does for two weeks. [00:08:00] Speaker B: Yep. Brianna, what are you going to do for the next two weeks? [00:08:04] Speaker C: I mean, I guess it'd be continuing to rebuild the fortress as best I can. [00:08:10] Speaker B: Okay. And after the first week, you get the morta, brings the masks to you. [00:08:18] Speaker C: Okay. [00:08:18] Speaker B: I hope you like them. [00:08:20] Speaker C: How do they look? [00:08:22] Speaker B: They look pretty good, actually. [00:08:25] Speaker C: This is quite impressive, Marta. Thank you so much. [00:08:28] Speaker B: Oh, it was nothing. [00:08:31] Speaker C: You are too modest, my friend. [00:08:32] Speaker B: Oh, thank you. [00:08:34] Speaker A: And, uh, what happened to the faces? Did those go to the. The dreaming palace? [00:08:39] Speaker B: Uh, yes. The priests of the great dream house came and asked for them when I was done and I happily gave them over. Well, not happily because people died. But I gave them over for the last rites and they performed them and then we buried them. And we think that it is. It should be all good to go now. [00:09:03] Speaker C: Okay, excellent. Thank you. Thank you so much. [00:09:08] Speaker B: No problem. [00:09:12] Speaker A: I'd like to at some point, talk to Saraya about Yelecha and guardian forms and the kind of minutiae of that kind of stuff. [00:09:22] Speaker B: Okay, yeah, go ahead. [00:09:23] Speaker A: So, Saraya, the. I don't know if you remember Yelecha, the bugbear that's living in the citadel? [00:09:32] Speaker D: Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. [00:09:33] Speaker A: So she agreed to be a guard here, and I realized that we don't have any guards here other than us. It's just the workers. So I was wondering if you would be okay, since your name is on the deed. With her being our captain of the guard, and also looking into hiring some more guards to, if nothing else, protect the workers that are here. [00:09:57] Speaker D: Are we funding our own private militia? [00:10:01] Speaker A: I mean, that's a different word, but yeah. I mean, sure, I don't know that we needed something so large as to, like, take over breach or anything like that, but something to defend the citadel should it be attacked when we're not here. Not be unwelcome, I'm sure. [00:10:17] Speaker D: Yes, I think that is quite a wonderful idea. And, well, yes, between Yelecca and the rest of the gods, I think that a wise choice for leadership. Will we need to outfit them with anything? [00:10:30] Speaker A: We will. I think that it would give them a sense of purpose and unity if there was a uniform for the guards, whoever choose to be a guard or, you know, a soldier, whatever you want to call them, here, to defend the castle. And we probably would need to give them some kind of basic equipment. Armor, weaponry, things like that. That doesn't have to be anything too fancy. [00:10:52] Speaker D: Likely some form of training as well. [00:10:54] Speaker A: Yes. [00:10:55] Speaker D: Yes, I think that's something we can certainly put together. [00:10:59] Speaker A: There is a training room here. Pond watcher punched those dummies for money. [00:11:02] Speaker D: That's true. Pond watcher. I wonder how he's doing. [00:11:06] Speaker A: Hopefully. [00:11:06] Speaker D: Well, uh, yes. Um. Shall we have her put out the notice? I mean, we don't exactly want to keep it a secret that it will be run by a bugbear, that might be off putting to some. [00:11:18] Speaker A: Well, I feel like if someone doesn't want to come here and work at the citadel because there's a bugbear, as a captain of the guard, maybe we don't want them here anyway. [00:11:28] Speaker D: Oh, no, I just. I just mean more in general of, you know, make sure they know what to expect so they don't arrive. And immediately, Leah, assume that a bug bear may be out of place. [00:11:37] Speaker A: Gotcha. No, that's. That's fine. I don't have any problem with that. Maybe we should. [00:11:41] Speaker D: All right. [00:11:42] Speaker A: Look over what she drafts up, though, before we send it out. I don't know that her tact is really. We don't know much about it, so who knows what she's gonna put if we allow her to just start putting up flyers? [00:11:54] Speaker D: Well, yeah, we could write something up as well, as we make mention of. [00:11:59] Speaker A: It, yeah, no, absolutely. I agreed. [00:12:01] Speaker D: Wonderful. [00:12:02] Speaker A: I would say you always wear very nice dresses. I remember when we first met you, one of the first things you did when you came into town was you got a nice new dress. [00:12:10] Speaker D: Well, yes. I hadn't been down for the mountain in quite some time at that point. [00:12:15] Speaker A: My point is that my fashion sense tends to be very practical. So if it were me, they would all just be wearing very practical black clothing. And I don't know if. I mean, if you have any opinions on that, but I certainly don't have any. Or if there should be a coat of arms here or anything like that, or any kind of flag that we should have. I don't know how far into the weeds you want to get on that. [00:12:39] Speaker D: I mean, I would think they would need some amount of practicality in the uniforms if they're intended to be a guard force. But an insignia of some kind, perhaps, maybe something that represents breechilla would be wise. [00:12:53] Speaker A: Okay. [00:12:53] Speaker D: And wherever I got the robes, I guess I can go talk to them about, uh, you know, getting, getting some uniforms worked up. I assume it was probably just going on the map. Crimson wood furs, maybe? [00:13:02] Speaker B: Uh, yeah, that's. That sounds good. I'm looking. I'm looking at the other, other locations because I forget what some of these places are, honestly. [00:13:11] Speaker A: Um, Shailen's smile is a temple to Shailen, who has artists. One of them might be a tailor. [00:13:20] Speaker D: Or at least someone who can make us an insignia for them and we can get that worked out. Yeah, you know, we can get the Brianna's family on, like, little badges or something and. [00:13:29] Speaker A: Yeah, order a bunch of soldado arms. I'm sorry. Hiya. What is the. What's your family shop's name? [00:13:39] Speaker C: Soldado arms and armor? I don't remember. [00:13:42] Speaker A: Okay. I don't remember. For whatever reason, I thought it was soldado and sons or something. [00:13:46] Speaker C: Probably. [00:13:46] Speaker B: Yes, it is. [00:13:47] Speaker A: Okay. [00:13:48] Speaker C: There we go. [00:13:49] Speaker A: I didn't know if that had changed. Um, anyway, yeah, when you asked her that, I thought. [00:13:53] Speaker E: I thought you meant Haya herself's family had an armor shop. [00:13:58] Speaker C: Lord, that'd be so cool. But no. [00:14:01] Speaker A: Why do you think I'm married her for all the free arms. [00:14:07] Speaker B: Crimson Wood furs is known for its high end haberdashery and tailoring. Gorgeous cold weather outfits and fine cobbling. [00:14:17] Speaker D: So hats, shoes and cold weather garments. [00:14:23] Speaker B: And, and clothing as well. [00:14:26] Speaker A: Okay. So yeah, I think crimson wood furs and some of the artists down at shell and smile there, I think we can get this knocked out. [00:14:33] Speaker C: That sounds lovely. Yeah. [00:14:34] Speaker A: All right, so, you know, Twintana would love to be in on the discussion if you go. Just to give his opinion on practicality of things. [00:14:42] Speaker D: Oh, yeah, totally. [00:14:43] Speaker B: Okay, so you guys head over to Crimson Wood, furs and Winthrop opens the door. Hello. [00:14:52] Speaker A: Oh, can we bring you lecha? What do you think? Sorry? Should we bring the wretch? You lecha? [00:15:00] Speaker D: Let's. Let's do it. Let's go ahead. [00:15:02] Speaker A: Okay, so we can have her. We can have him, like, make the uniform on her. [00:15:08] Speaker D: Exactly. She is the captain of the guard, so she will need something that's a little more specific and none of the more ostentatious. [00:15:14] Speaker B: He throws open the door and goes, hello. Hello. How may I help you? [00:15:22] Speaker D: Hello. Yes, we would very much like if you would help us with a project we're working on. You see, as we are refurbishing the citadel, we realized that with some of the threats that are bandying about, we might just need a force there to protect the workers and whatnot. And we would love to have you help us in making a uniform. [00:15:45] Speaker B: Oh, of course. And is this. He gestures to Yoletsch. [00:15:53] Speaker D: Yoleta will be the captain of the guardhouse. And she just gives that, like, one of those, like, smiles that's like. You got something to say about it? [00:16:01] Speaker B: No. Wonderful. And you see the color kind of drain from his face for a second. Then he. You see him kind of like, pick up. I've never designed something for someone in her stature. [00:16:16] Speaker A: She's quite tall. [00:16:17] Speaker B: Yes. Yes, that is it. All right. So he brings you all in and starts measuring Yoletta, and is like, oh, yes, we can do this. And we can do this. So what were you thinking? [00:16:31] Speaker D: Well, Yelecha here will be the captain of the guard. So her is going to be a little bit more, well, official. A little bit more, like I had said, ostentatious. Something that will mark her as the leader, but otherwise. And she'll look to twin talent. You're far better at practicality than I am. [00:16:46] Speaker A: She has people to fight in it, so nothing is going to restrict her movements. [00:16:51] Speaker B: So we cut to the montage of. [00:16:55] Speaker D: The designing and everything. [00:16:57] Speaker E: It must have a ton of hidden pockets. [00:17:01] Speaker D: Actually, not a bad idea. [00:17:04] Speaker B: You. First one you see comes out, looks like a poofy pants vest. Poofy sleeves in reds and blues and oranges. Very swiss guys guard looking. [00:17:15] Speaker C: Oh, geez. [00:17:17] Speaker B: What do we think? [00:17:18] Speaker A: Why, no, we don't want her to be a clown. We want her to be a soldier. [00:17:22] Speaker B: Oh, excellent. Excellent. So she. She goes back in. You see her come back out, changed again. This time it looks like something from, like, commando. It's just like a leather vest. Ripped, like, purposely ripped sleeves, really tight leather pants. [00:17:43] Speaker D: Something with dignity. [00:17:45] Speaker A: Yeah, not so. Not so much bondage or. Yeah, dignity. That's a good word for it. [00:17:53] Speaker B: Fine, fine. You see haircut go back in and change, and you hear grumbling the whole time. Comes back out. You see, like, calf high pants that are. That are tight around the calf and then loose up through the leg in a black with a peasant type shirt in reds and blacks and a belt to kind of pull it all together with satchels and whatnot. And then the piece de resistance. You see him flourish, a long black coat over her. He goes, how about this? [00:18:31] Speaker D: Can you move an edge? Do you think you could fight? [00:18:33] Speaker B: You see? You'll let you stretch about a little bit. I think this could work. [00:18:38] Speaker A: Why did you pick red and black? [00:18:40] Speaker B: Honestly? He mostly worked with the hell knights and the order of the nail, and that's the colors he has in stock. [00:18:48] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:18:48] Speaker B: Now, you could always ask him for different colors. [00:18:51] Speaker A: The design's good, but. And Twintelle will look at Sarah and be like, my feeling is we should probably change the colors to differentiate ourselves from the previous occupants of the citadel. [00:19:01] Speaker D: Oh, I would think so. [00:19:05] Speaker B: What colors were you thinking? [00:19:07] Speaker D: Are there, like, colors we know that are, like, breech hill colors? [00:19:11] Speaker B: Breech hill tends to use greens, blues, and golds. [00:19:16] Speaker A: Sounds good. [00:19:17] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:19:17] Speaker B: Okay. Okay. I can work with that. Give me. It will be about a golden outfit, and it will take some time to. [00:19:26] Speaker A: Make a golden outfit. [00:19:30] Speaker B: I only make the highest quality garments and use the most prestigious materials. [00:19:36] Speaker D: Does that include, of course, any repairs or things that may have to come up along the way? As, again, these are guards. I mean, again, her smile. Is that, like. There's no argument here, I'm sure. [00:19:47] Speaker B: Um. Well, um, as long as you provide me some good publicity about it. You sure? [00:19:54] Speaker D: I would be happy to share that you were the one that made our uniforms for us. Thank you. [00:19:58] Speaker B: Oh, excellent, excellent. [00:20:01] Speaker E: Surely for that price, we're talking about some sort of armor in the weave. [00:20:07] Speaker B: Well, I will make some boots and some fancy hats. I'm not really an armorer, you see. [00:20:14] Speaker E: Mm hmm. But you're charging like it's armor. [00:20:17] Speaker B: Good clothes, sir, are nothing cheap. [00:20:20] Speaker E: Yeah, they are. I go over there across the street and get a potato bag and wear it, and I'd be perfectly fine. [00:20:27] Speaker B: He kind of turns green at the thought of that knife. [00:20:30] Speaker D: Knife, sword. That's why he is agreeing to maintain them for that price. Lifetime of alterations and repairs. [00:20:35] Speaker A: Yes. [00:20:36] Speaker E: I'm just saying we want to maintain what's in them. I feel like that's more important. So they should have some protective qualities. [00:20:44] Speaker D: Well, we can talk to the stolen dottos about. [00:20:46] Speaker A: Yes, we do appreciate your concern for our guards. Yes. [00:20:50] Speaker C: I don't know if I'm even here. I thought you guys went off on your own. [00:20:53] Speaker B: Sure. I think you all decided to come, so it's fine. [00:20:57] Speaker A: Anyone was welcome. Twintana was interested in making sure that the uniform was functional. [00:21:02] Speaker D: We could make the argument that he should make the overcoats out of leather, but. [00:21:06] Speaker B: Yeah, well, the overcoat is kind of like the leader coat. All right, cool. [00:21:11] Speaker D: Yeah, whatever. [00:21:12] Speaker A: Fine, then. How many of these are we ordering? [00:21:16] Speaker D: Well, one with coat. Nine more without. [00:21:18] Speaker C: How many guards do we have? [00:21:20] Speaker A: I don't know how many we have. What did you say, Sarah? [00:21:22] Speaker D: Coat, nine without to start. [00:21:23] Speaker A: Ten, I guess. Is there any kind of discount if we order a certain amount? Number of them? [00:21:29] Speaker B: I will offer you a 50% discount for two things. Number one, of course, the publicity of brave adventurers such as yourselves, saying that, you know, you're using my garments. And of course, if you buy ten or more, we will, you know, work out that price. Also, as long as I know that these will be on order. I can make you one for now, and then you can come back to me with the. The rest of the order once you know more of how many you need. [00:22:03] Speaker D: That's true. Especially considering they'll need to be made for whoever's wearing them. We end up with goblins, with humans, with everyone will need vastly different measurements. [00:22:11] Speaker A: Fair enough. I say we will estimate an initial run of 20 of them. But we can't. As Saraya said, we don't know who these guards are going to be. People of vastly different sizes could be in those uniforms. So we don't want to have them made now? [00:22:26] Speaker B: No, no, absolutely. That makes perfect sense. [00:22:29] Speaker A: So you said 50% discount. So here is ten gold for 20 order of 20 uniforms. You can make your les now and we'll be on our way. [00:22:39] Speaker B: Excellent. Why, thank you. [00:22:41] Speaker A: Great. Sean, if you take that off of our. [00:22:43] Speaker B: I just did. [00:22:44] Speaker A: Thank you. And. Yeah, okay, I believe that is. That is all wrapped up. [00:22:50] Speaker B: All right. So the second week passes. You have help wanted signs posted around, and it's. You guys have finished the two weeks and the battlements have been rebuilt. [00:23:04] Speaker A: Fantastic. [00:23:05] Speaker E: If I get a chance, I'd like to get another. Was it 20 gold. [00:23:10] Speaker B: 20 gold. Yes. [00:23:11] Speaker E: And make an amulet for the captain of the guards. [00:23:13] Speaker B: Okay, so Yoletta now has a stabilizing amulethem. [00:23:20] Speaker A: Cool, cool. [00:23:22] Speaker B: What would you like to build next? [00:23:23] Speaker D: What are our options again? [00:23:25] Speaker A: The options are some walls have been damaged. The other things are infirmary, library, training facility, workshop, and upgrade defenses. And I know certain things. Shoot. I know certain things can't be built until other things are built. [00:23:40] Speaker D: Yeah, like I imagine we can't upgrade defenses until all the walls are fixed. [00:23:45] Speaker A: Right? Upgrading portions of citadel requires all basic repairs to have been completed. Okay, so then the options are to rebuild crumbled walls. Yeah, because that's the stuff we haven't done. [00:23:55] Speaker D: Works for me. [00:23:56] Speaker A: So we can start with the first one, which is the cord of the nail. Okay. Which actually has a big puddle at the end of it. That's where those turtle things were with the dead people on them. So, yeah, we need to make an organized labor check, which can be using deception, diplomacy or intimidation. Diplomacy comes without added risk. [00:24:16] Speaker B: And it's a DC 13, I believe. [00:24:19] Speaker A: Correct. Because we're just using workers. So, knife, sword, if you want to make a diplomacy check, see if you can organize some workers for us in town. [00:24:27] Speaker E: All right. Hear ye, hear ye. [00:24:31] Speaker A: Y'all want some? [00:24:32] Speaker C: So you have to go into town. [00:24:36] Speaker D: Y'all want some money? [00:24:39] Speaker B: And with a 23, he critically succeeded. [00:24:44] Speaker A: You're old. A six, by the way. [00:24:45] Speaker C: Of course. [00:24:48] Speaker B: So you have enough workers to come and work. It costs you five silver. [00:24:55] Speaker A: So the total it's gonna cost is twelve gold pieces, okay? For eight days, which is what the length of time is. So what I'd like to do is I'd like to give warble 50 gold as a bank. The first twelve goes to this. You know, if we're heading through the gate, that's what we're decided to do. We're not sure that we're gonna be back in eight days when this is done. [00:25:16] Speaker C: Probably not. [00:25:17] Speaker A: If we are, great, we'll take care of it. If not. Because I think we were gone two weeks last time. [00:25:23] Speaker D: Three. [00:25:24] Speaker C: Yeah, three. [00:25:25] Speaker A: Three weeks. Okay, so if we're not back, then just do the other two. So at least that way she has. Has some money to pay people. [00:25:32] Speaker B: Sounds good. So I've deducted the 50 gold from your thank you sheet. [00:25:38] Speaker E: So, um, can we have a team meeting? [00:25:41] Speaker A: Sure. [00:25:42] Speaker E: So, this, uh, body, stature, faceless guy is bugging me. [00:25:48] Speaker A: Why? [00:25:48] Speaker E: I'm wondering, could we set up for the. You know, just like, maybe in groups of two, go out at night and sort of, like, surveil. I don't know, near the guardhouse, places where we've seen them before and just make sure that nothing weird is going on. [00:26:04] Speaker A: I mean, we could have been doing that for the last two weeks. [00:26:06] Speaker E: I just thought of it. [00:26:07] Speaker A: Well, we're leaving. [00:26:08] Speaker C: Yep. [00:26:09] Speaker E: Oh. Well, let me go get the. Go get the backpack packed. [00:26:13] Speaker A: Okay. [00:26:15] Speaker C: You have a backpack? [00:26:16] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:26:17] Speaker B: Hmm. [00:26:18] Speaker C: Interesting. [00:26:19] Speaker D: Okay. [00:26:20] Speaker B: Okay. So you all prepare to leave, and you head down to the ayudara like last time. You just press the key, which is the star knife, to the gate, and it shimmers open. [00:26:36] Speaker A: All right. [00:26:37] Speaker D: Cool. [00:26:37] Speaker C: Okay. Are we ready? [00:26:39] Speaker A: Ready as we'll ever be. [00:26:41] Speaker B: And you all step through. [00:26:43] Speaker A: Step through the stargate. [00:26:44] Speaker C: Can we perhaps make sure there's not gonna be a blaze of fire meeting us on the other side? [00:26:51] Speaker A: Well, if the priests knew anything, which was debatable, they said that there would be, like, a sleepy time place on the other side of this, and then we would get to where we're going on the other side of that. So hopefully they were correct. [00:27:02] Speaker D: Hopefully. [00:27:03] Speaker B: So, as you step through, you see that this room is decorated with tiny, glowing points of light and scratched carvings of butterflies upon a short dais. At one end, between two hallways, are two delicate bare feet. Feet apparently carved from stone. Chunks of shattered stone around the dais hint at the fate of the rest of the statue. Nailed to the wall above the dais is a preserved corpse of a hideously ugly, gray skinned, horned woman. The wall behind her once bore a written message in flowing script, but it has been scratched out and replaced by a new phrase. [00:27:44] Speaker A: What what phrase is that? [00:27:46] Speaker B: It is in abyssal. If anyone reads abyssal. [00:27:50] Speaker A: I'm pretty sure I do, but let me double check. [00:27:54] Speaker D: Nope, not me. [00:27:55] Speaker A: No. Infernal is what I speak, not abyssal. [00:27:57] Speaker B: Infernal. [00:27:58] Speaker D: Yeah, well, there are certainly doors just behind this statue. I can see into one of the rooms. [00:28:03] Speaker B: Yes, you do see that there are two. There is two separate hallways. [00:28:08] Speaker A: So just to back up very quickly, there was a statue of, like, a something, and now there's a statue. Instead of this hideous horned woman, you. [00:28:17] Speaker B: See a statue, and you just see the feet of the statue. [00:28:20] Speaker A: Okay. [00:28:21] Speaker B: You also see that there is stone blasted everywhere. [00:28:24] Speaker A: Okay. [00:28:25] Speaker B: On the wall is a corpse, preserved corpse of a hideously ugly, gray skinned horned woman. [00:28:35] Speaker A: Okay. [00:28:35] Speaker C: Okay. May I go and roll some medicine to see how they passed? Or what exactly is medically happening here? [00:28:46] Speaker B: You may. [00:28:47] Speaker C: Okay, well, probably not too great. I rolled a 23. [00:28:50] Speaker B: Uh, you see some burn marks, but other than that, I mean, that could be either like you burnt yourself cooking some food or something strange happened. [00:29:01] Speaker A: Can we tell what kind of creature she is? [00:29:04] Speaker B: Yes, if you roll society. [00:29:08] Speaker A: Okay, tell. I got an 18 in society. [00:29:11] Speaker B: All right, not enough. [00:29:14] Speaker D: Damn it. I rolled a two. [00:29:16] Speaker B: I got a 17 also. [00:29:19] Speaker C: Clearly not enough. [00:29:21] Speaker B: Yeah, clearly not enough. [00:29:23] Speaker A: Anyone else have society 15? [00:29:25] Speaker B: No. Nope. You can't quite tell. [00:29:28] Speaker D: You know what? We all got a hero point this game. I'm gonna try. I got it. I got a freaking two. [00:29:35] Speaker B: Saraya is using her hero point now. [00:29:39] Speaker D: Do they go way between sessions? Because I didn't use my last session. [00:29:42] Speaker B: Yes, they do. [00:29:43] Speaker A: Use it or lose it. Poof. [00:29:45] Speaker D: Fuck. Got a four for a 19. [00:29:49] Speaker B: Still not enough. Maybe it's how peaceful you feel in this place. Maybe it's all the pretty lights and whatnot. [00:29:55] Speaker D: Does this relate to his secrets society, in any way that I may be able to roll it with occultism? [00:30:00] Speaker B: Nope. [00:30:01] Speaker A: All right, well, whatever's happening here, we need to get to the other side to reach the end of the gate. Looks like there's two doorways. Knife sword apparently has been drawn to the left doorway as he is sticking his head in the opening. [00:30:10] Speaker D: But I can see it to the right one, though. The lower one. [00:30:14] Speaker A: Okay, sounds great. [00:30:15] Speaker C: Up, gang. Just kidding. So I'll go with Daphne. [00:30:24] Speaker A: That's a closet. There's. Okay, it's fine, it's fine. Let's go north since north is technically left, and that is where kniveswort is headed. [00:30:35] Speaker B: Okay, so as you head to the north, you see that the. I'll let you move in there. The centerpiece of this room is tall statue of a willow tree carved from pale marble. Six oversized roots around the base of the tree resemble stone beds radiating out from the trunk, with just enough room to climb onto them beneath the statue's stone branches. Exit. Lead out from the opposite side of the room. And I need to make some rolls for people. [00:31:19] Speaker C: Oh, boy. It's probably fine. [00:31:22] Speaker B: Knife swords. Go ahead and stay right there. [00:31:25] Speaker E: You are taking into effect that any room with disco lighting renders me effectively invisible. Right. [00:31:34] Speaker B: Okay, so as you've all moved into the room, I'm gonna get everyone to stop right where they are. [00:31:39] Speaker C: Oh, no. [00:31:40] Speaker B: Everyone but Saraya notices that there is a. In the middle of this statue, there is a small disk shape indentation in the tree's trunk. [00:31:56] Speaker A: Can I inspect it further? [00:31:59] Speaker B: Uh, you could. [00:32:02] Speaker A: I'd like to. Okay. [00:32:06] Speaker B: Except for as soon as you all get to where you are standing on the map, which is Brianna and Saraya to the west, and twin talon and knife sword to the east, you see that this tree begins to come alive. [00:32:26] Speaker C: Oh, no. [00:32:28] Speaker B: And it is going to swing three branches at three different this combat. [00:32:40] Speaker D: So roll it. E four. [00:32:41] Speaker B: I guess this is a hazard that goes off when you move to particular places in the room, which you move to. It then gets to do its routine and then go. Then we can roll some issues. [00:32:56] Speaker D: So you're gonna roll a deep whoever doesn't come up. [00:33:01] Speaker B: Yes. So Surrey o one. Brianna tude quintalem. Three. Knife, sword. Four. Taisani. Five. And Jasper is six. Four is knife, sword. Does a 41 hit you? [00:33:24] Speaker E: If I were to say no, would you think I'm lying? [00:33:26] Speaker B: Yes. [00:33:27] Speaker E: Can I roll my deception to light of the GM? [00:33:30] Speaker B: No. [00:33:31] Speaker E: Then yeah, it hits me. [00:33:33] Speaker B: Ok, so you take 23 points of damage as this branch just swings at you. [00:33:48] Speaker C: Oh, geez. And I can't liberate him, can I? [00:33:52] Speaker B: No. [00:33:54] Speaker A: I hate this. [00:34:05] Speaker B: So you are also grabbed by the tree. [00:34:08] Speaker C: This is the worst. [00:34:10] Speaker A: So much the bad. [00:34:11] Speaker B: Yeah. So then it's going to to swing at. I guess I only have to roll a d five this time. Twin talon. [00:34:26] Speaker A: Okay. [00:34:30] Speaker B: Oh, that's dirty. Okay. I don't like this trap, though. 38 to hit you. [00:34:37] Speaker A: That is a critical hit. I mean, just like Seagull is a critical hit. Like, I don't understand what you mean. [00:34:45] Speaker B: 46 points of damage. Cool. And you are grabbed. And then it's going to constrict. Knife, sword, even or odd. [00:35:03] Speaker E: I'm odd. [00:35:05] Speaker B: Odd. Okay, so if it's odd, it'll hit. Oof. It will hit Twintellon even. It hits you. Wow. It constricts on you. Take. Make a fortitude safe. [00:35:21] Speaker E: Okay. 17. [00:35:25] Speaker B: That is a. That is a critical fail. Would you like to use a hero point? [00:35:30] Speaker E: Okay, there we go. [00:35:32] Speaker B: All right. Using that hero point, how about three more? Well, that's just a regular fail at this point. Which means you take 22 points of constriction damage. [00:35:49] Speaker E: Now. [00:35:50] Speaker B: Now let us all make that lovely, lovely initiative roll. [00:35:58] Speaker E: I got a 28 on initiative. [00:36:00] Speaker B: 28 for knife sword. [00:36:03] Speaker C: 20 for Brianna. Here we go. [00:36:05] Speaker B: 24 Brianna. [00:36:07] Speaker A: 35 for Twintalon. [00:36:10] Speaker B: 30. [00:36:10] Speaker D: 514 for Saraya. [00:36:13] Speaker B: Oof. And I roll the number. Twintalon, you're up first. [00:36:20] Speaker A: Okay, well, not a fan of being strangled to death by a tree, so I'm gonna try to escape. Okay, now if I remember correctly, it's either unarmed or acrobatics or athletics. I forget. [00:36:38] Speaker B: Make an unarmed attack against the DC of the effect. [00:36:42] Speaker A: Okay, so since this is an attack action, I kind of want it to be my 1st 122, 22 versus. [00:36:52] Speaker B: That is a fail. [00:36:54] Speaker A: I rolled a five, so I'm going to use a hero point to reroll that. [00:36:57] Speaker B: All right, get those hero points out of the way, guys. [00:37:00] Speaker D: We're hoping that you'll finally start awarding us new ones. [00:37:03] Speaker A: I rolled a five, which is the same thing. Okay, so still a huge fan of hero points. For my second action, I will try it again, I guess. Okay, this does have the attack trait, correct or no? [00:37:20] Speaker B: It does. [00:37:21] Speaker A: Okay. 25. [00:37:24] Speaker B: 25 will fail. [00:37:29] Speaker A: Okay, so this last action, he's going to give two actions to Tae sani. [00:37:33] Speaker B: Okay. [00:37:34] Speaker A: And is this a thing that's, like, attackable? Like, is it a monster or is it like a. Is it not that. [00:37:39] Speaker B: So it is a hazard. It. So it's technically an object. So it is attackable. It does have a breakpoint. There is also ways to disable it. [00:37:48] Speaker D: I was gonna say the dragon pillars and the Dahog illusion were hazards, right? [00:37:53] Speaker B: Yes. [00:37:54] Speaker A: I wish I would have had my hazard brain on. Then I would have just. I don't know if I could have disabled it while I was being grappled by it. [00:37:59] Speaker B: If it had the manipulate trait, you would have had to roll a flat check. But that's. That's it. [00:38:04] Speaker A: So if that's the case, then I won't give Dasani a thing and I'll try to just disable it. [00:38:08] Speaker B: Okay. So you can use athletics or thievery. [00:38:11] Speaker A: We use thievery. I'm a master. Thievery. [00:38:13] Speaker B: Okay. You can. You can attempt a thievery check. [00:38:18] Speaker A: Okay. 37. I have to make a flat check. Is that what it is? So you're telling me. [00:38:23] Speaker B: Yes, you have to make a DC five flap check. [00:38:26] Speaker A: I rolled a five. [00:38:27] Speaker B: Okay, so knife sword and twin talon get grabbed by these weird tendril like branches. And as twin Talon is grabbed, he kind of looks around and sees a weak point in the branch and he looks at it and he takes his dag. Do you have a dagger? I'm assuming you have a dagger, right? [00:38:48] Speaker A: Yeah, I have a dagger. [00:38:50] Speaker B: You kind of reach down, grab your dagger and throw it at the trunk of the tree and you hit it just right. And the tree kind of the limbs that were moving and waving about Sag and release both you and knife sword. And the trap has been disabled. [00:39:08] Speaker C: Nice. [00:39:09] Speaker A: Sorry, guys. I forgot I was a rogue for a minute. [00:39:14] Speaker C: It happens. [00:39:14] Speaker A: Yeah. We just haven't dealt a whole lot with traps. [00:39:17] Speaker B: With you disabling this trap. [00:39:20] Speaker A: We level up? [00:39:21] Speaker B: No, unfortunately. But we're gonna end it right here. [00:39:27] Speaker D: Oh, of course. [00:39:28] Speaker B: And we'll pick it up next. [00:39:33] Speaker A: So injured. [00:39:35] Speaker B: Thank you for listening to the Crack Die podcast. Background sound effects provided by sirenscape because Epic Games deserve Epic music. Please visit [email protected] Pathfinder second edition, Age of Ashes adventure are all copyright of Paizo Publishing. Please visit [email protected] for more information.