The Cracked Die Podcast - Episode 89 - Rusty Nails

[00:00:38] Speaker A: Hello, hello, hello and welcome to the 89th episode of the Crack to Die podcast. It's me, your host, and GM, Sean. And what can I say, but eleven away from the big 100. I'm very excited about the episode 100 coming up now. It wouldn't be a Sean intro without a couple plugs, so let me get those out of the way. Coming up on July 31, 2021, you can check us out live on Twitch. We are doing another episode of Absalom in order. You can join us at Twitch TV, cracked die to join in all of our misadventures that are going on on that channel, on that game. It's been insane. Don't forget, if you watch that show, you can help affect the outcomes of the game with your bits. Giving us extra hero points, giving us channel points to get us to play a game of David angel streak freak, which will be super fun. And all of the bits that you donate go to a great cause. Every month we do a different charity to help them out. Also, if you'd like to, please come over to patreon.com cracked Die podcast and join our Patreon. We have two levels, a $2 a month level and a dollar five a month level. At the five dollar level you get to create a critical hit or critical miscard that we will put into our deck here and we will use. Also, we have a discord and it is one of the most aggressively welcoming groups I have ever met. We have a good time over on our discord, sharing memes, talking about recipes, sharing pet pictures. It's just a grand, wholesome old time and I highly recommend everyone join. Lastly, if everyone could take a moment on their podcatcher of choice and go down and leave us a rating or review. Every rating and review that you leave helps other people find us and helps make that mythical algorithm makes us look more popular. So anytime you leave a rating and a review for us, it helps us out immensely. Takes five minutes at most and it's completely free. And you are helping us out immensely. You have no idea how much those ratings and reviews help us out. Okay, like always, I've rambled on for about three minutes now. So let's jump to the table where we can find out if our heroes live, don't live. Who knows? It's been a very dangerous trip through book three so far. Hello and welcome to the 89th episode of the Cracked Die podcast. [00:03:51] Speaker B: Hooray. [00:03:53] Speaker C: You didn't interrupt me. [00:03:54] Speaker A: For once, I interrupted Robert. [00:03:58] Speaker D: Robert. [00:03:59] Speaker A: But before we get into Robert's turn, I have a question for everyone here. [00:04:03] Speaker B: Oh, boy. [00:04:04] Speaker A: This is a very vital, important question. What is the proper way to dress a hot dog? [00:04:15] Speaker C: Oh, Jesus. [00:04:16] Speaker B: A three piece suit. What are you talking about? [00:04:18] Speaker A: What goes on up? What goes on a proper hot dog. [00:04:22] Speaker E: Tube top. [00:04:25] Speaker B: Wanna keep it hot. Gotta put a tube top of daisy Dukes on it, Sean. The summertime, you gotta have it looking tight. [00:04:32] Speaker D: Checks out. [00:04:34] Speaker B: Is that what we're talking about? Is that we're doing today? [00:04:36] Speaker A: No. So. So for me, it's ketchup, mustard. [00:04:41] Speaker C: I don't know what's worse, this intro or Matt's soccer intro. Okay. More out of left field for the listeners. [00:04:53] Speaker A: I found Matt's soccer intro very interesting. I found, that being said, but as. [00:04:59] Speaker C: Far as context wise, like, I don't know which is less out of context. [00:05:02] Speaker A: For our poor listeners. [00:05:03] Speaker B: Sure, sure. [00:05:04] Speaker A: Okay, so I just. Christine and I just had hot dogs for lunch. [00:05:10] Speaker E: Hey, me too, Chris. [00:05:12] Speaker A: Christine only puts ketchup on her hot dog like a heathen. I, on the other hand, go, ketchup, mustard, relish, cheese, and mayo. [00:05:24] Speaker E: Mayo. Who puts mayo on a hot dog? [00:05:26] Speaker B: What the fuck are you doing to your hot dog, Sean? [00:05:29] Speaker E: I was with you in for mayo at that point. [00:05:32] Speaker C: You have a potato salad with some hot dog in it. [00:05:37] Speaker A: Like, I don't. [00:05:37] Speaker C: If I wanted to have a potato salad or something of that sort, I would just eat that and not pretend it was a hot dog. [00:05:44] Speaker E: Like, it sounded like he was going for a Chicago. And then you put mayo on it. [00:05:48] Speaker B: Well, no Chicago. It's got pickles on it. [00:05:53] Speaker A: Well, to be fair, I mix the relish, or mix the relish and the onions in with the mayo to kind of make it, like, a better place, like a coleslaw. [00:06:02] Speaker E: Well, she's not kidding. She's not kidding. You're literally one ingredient short of potato salad. [00:06:08] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:06:09] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:06:14] Speaker A: Okay, so apparently I'm the weird one here. [00:06:17] Speaker C: Yes. [00:06:18] Speaker B: Yeah. I mean, we don't all have to talk about what we put on our hot dogs to talk about that. We do not put mayonnaise on our hot dogs. [00:06:26] Speaker C: Like, I could do, like, a chili cheese dog. Okay, fine. But, like, when you literally have more topping than hot dog, you're not eating a hot dog anymore. [00:06:35] Speaker B: I mean, for me, if we're actually taking the answer to this question, it's typically mustard and kraut. Like, those are the two things I would put on a hot dog. Ketchup's fine. I'll put ketchup on hot dog. I don't care. Especially if there's no sauerkraut. But, yeah, I don't. [00:06:49] Speaker E: Chili dogs are acceptable. [00:06:51] Speaker A: Yeah, sure. [00:06:51] Speaker E: I like good chili on my hot dog, but let me. Everything you said in there was. Except for the mayo, like, the hot chocolate. [00:06:57] Speaker B: Hot chocolate. Let's put hot chocolate on there. [00:06:59] Speaker D: Oh, I quit. [00:07:00] Speaker E: The mustard, the relish, the onions. That sounded good. [00:07:03] Speaker B: Sure. That's all fine. I guess part of it is all, where are we doing this? Like, am I going to a restaurant and ordering it, or am I doing it at home? Because I want diced onions. [00:07:11] Speaker A: Okay, if you're going to a hot. [00:07:13] Speaker B: Dog, but I go to a restaurant that orders hot onions. [00:07:16] Speaker A: But, like, if you go to, like. [00:07:17] Speaker B: A Nathan's hot dog, something like that. Like, where someone's. It's like a hot dog restaurant. [00:07:19] Speaker A: Fairfair. Fair. [00:07:20] Speaker B: I'm not going to, you know, TGA Fridays or wherever the fuck people go to eat anymore and whatever. Still business and ordering a hot dog. [00:07:27] Speaker E: And this episode is being sponsored by the. By the doghouse on 13 in Wilmington. Unfortunately, they closed several years ago. But great footlong hot dogs. [00:07:41] Speaker A: Yeah, I just. Can you imagine going into, like, a Gordon Ramsay steakhouse and be like, yes, I'll have the hot dogs, please. [00:07:48] Speaker B: I mean, if it's on the menu, they can't really fault you for ordering it. Like, if you didn't want me to order. [00:07:52] Speaker C: If Gordon Ramsay has a hot dog on the menu, I would be curious. [00:07:56] Speaker E: Right? [00:07:57] Speaker D: I suppose. Yeah. [00:07:59] Speaker A: Speaking about hot dogs, you guys are in some. Hot. In a hot dog? [00:08:04] Speaker D: No, in hot water. [00:08:06] Speaker A: You're in a boiling bath of water. [00:08:09] Speaker D: I was gonna ask how you were gonna segue, and I guess that's what you did. All right, here we go. [00:08:16] Speaker C: The proper way to segue would have been to tell the story about how your father, the food safety inspector, loves nothing more than a dirty water dog. And by the way, not only are those in hot, dirty water, so are we. [00:08:27] Speaker D: Oh, Christine, this is why you're a writer. [00:08:31] Speaker C: Really? [00:08:32] Speaker A: You should be a writer or something. Yeah, I know. Okay, so when we last left, you guys had the. The nightmare is still stuck in a hallway. [00:08:47] Speaker B: That's awesome. [00:08:48] Speaker A: You guys had cornered a hag in the cor. You cornered a hag in the corner. [00:08:56] Speaker B: She disappeared. [00:08:57] Speaker C: I thought we cornered her in the. [00:08:58] Speaker A: Middle of the room, and then she disappeared. [00:09:01] Speaker C: Rude. [00:09:03] Speaker A: Now I need everyone but Matt to put earmuffs on, because I have to ask Matt a rules question. [00:09:08] Speaker B: Okay. [00:09:10] Speaker A: And I don't. I'm not. I don't want to peer peel back the curtain too much, but let's play a hypothetical game. [00:09:20] Speaker D: Go on. [00:09:21] Speaker A: Let's say hypothetically, a character casts ethereal jaunt as a spell, right? And it says you travel to the ethereal plane. Creatures can't see you. And you can move through things. On the material plane, you move at half your speed. That means, like, they're gone, they're not there. So you wouldn't hear or see or get a chance to spot them for being concealed. Right. Because you're on a different plane. [00:09:58] Speaker B: It depends if people have some way to perceive you on the ethereal plane. Because ethereal jaune also says you can't affect the material plane. And you can't be affected by the material plane except by force effects, abjurations originating there. So magic missile from the material plane can hit something on the ethereal plane. Assuming you could detect the person on the ethereal plane. [00:10:22] Speaker A: Okay, that's also. [00:10:24] Speaker B: I have a question. So again, rules court type question. [00:10:30] Speaker C: What? [00:10:31] Speaker B: What plane are we on currently? [00:10:34] Speaker A: Oh. Oh, crap. Hang on. I actually have that somewhere. [00:10:44] Speaker E: We are in the ethereal plane. [00:10:45] Speaker B: Well, there is one very important line of this spell. It is the last line of the spell. If you cast this spell when not on the material plane, it is lost. [00:11:00] Speaker A: It is lost. [00:11:00] Speaker B: So we went through a gate. And the last time we went through a gate, we were in this outside of time and space hallway thing. I don't know if this is a similar thing where we're technically not on the material plane anymore. It's a demi plane or a little pocket dimension. But if it is, you're in a weird little. Then ethereal joint doesn't do anything. And she's still standing in the corner. She may think she's invisible, which is a fucking hilarious thing, by the way, when someone thinks they're invisible or they're not. Because you can always see yourself even when you're invisible. So you never really know except by the reactions of other people. But anyway, she could have cast it, think she's invisible and tried to do something, but I don't know. [00:11:39] Speaker C: Which would be highlighted. [00:11:40] Speaker B: Yeah, I don't know. [00:11:43] Speaker A: No, that adds with oh, that'd be funny. [00:11:45] Speaker E: She like, stops fighting, checks her phone, looks at her messages. [00:11:48] Speaker B: She's like, pulls out a pipe just. [00:11:50] Speaker C: Like, man, I just can't breather. [00:11:53] Speaker A: So I'm glad you took this to rules court. [00:11:57] Speaker C: Dun, are we not in the material plane? [00:11:59] Speaker A: I'm going to read this. And, you know, this is player knowledge. Note that as with all way stations in Elseta's ring, this area is its own small demiplane. And travels to and from. It is difficult without using the portals that connect to golarion. [00:12:22] Speaker B: So this is its own. It is not the material plane. It is its own demiplane. So ethereal jaunt has no effect. She is still in the corner. [00:12:30] Speaker A: Well, so she's still in the corner. Or she can move, but she's not hitting the spell. [00:12:36] Speaker B: Doesn't. She may think she used two actions to cast ethereal jaunt. If we want to roll this back. She used two actions to Cath and Cheryl Jaunt. And then she has a third action to do whatever the fuck she wants, but which. [00:12:50] Speaker A: And she moved half her speed because she thought she was invisible. Okay. [00:12:54] Speaker B: Correct. [00:12:55] Speaker A: But she's not, so she's right there. That is a mat. Well, first off, everyone gets a hero point. Knife, sword, you're still holding onto that one hero point that carried over. So knife, sword now has two hero points. Saraya has one hero point. Brienne one hero point. And twin Talon has one hero point. And then I'm going to give you a second one for rules lawyering and pointing out my question. So there you go. You now have a 30 over hero point. [00:13:39] Speaker B: I'm just trying to keep it honest. Just like I gave you a third attack to maybe kill me with. It's got to go both ways. [00:13:46] Speaker A: Yeah, no, it's. It's fair. It's fair. All right, well then, knife, sword, it is your turn. You have three actions left. And you see this hag tiptoeing a la Scooby doo out of the corner going. They can't see me. [00:14:06] Speaker E: I'm gonna say, yes, we can, as I throttle the shadow of her horse. [00:14:11] Speaker A: Okay, how much damage are you keeping. [00:14:14] Speaker B: Track of how many rounds you've done this second or. [00:14:17] Speaker E: Well, yeah, cast it then. I toddled once. The second. [00:14:20] Speaker B: It lasts a max of 1 minute or ten rounds. So if it's still alive in ten rounds, then we have to. New plan. But. [00:14:28] Speaker A: Well, this is round four, and it's still trying to get out of this tiny hallway. [00:14:33] Speaker E: All right, I did that. And now I'm gonna. Chilling darkness at level five this time. [00:14:39] Speaker D: Very cool. [00:14:40] Speaker A: On to the horse or to the hag? [00:14:43] Speaker E: Oh, the horse. [00:14:45] Speaker A: Okay. [00:14:45] Speaker E: Well, no. Where's the hag? I can't. I can't see the hag. [00:14:49] Speaker B: She's. She's on the south end of the room. [00:14:51] Speaker A: She's right. Yeah, she's right. You can't see her. [00:14:58] Speaker E: Anyway. Okay, so the horse. Is that a hit 30? [00:15:03] Speaker A: Uh, this is an attack roll. So I need you to make a flat check. Just a straight up d 20 roll higher than a five. [00:15:11] Speaker E: Oh, no, I'll be using a hero point. [00:15:14] Speaker A: Okay, that was a natural one. [00:15:17] Speaker D: Yikes. [00:15:18] Speaker A: All right, so we're gonna say that you use the new hero point first. [00:15:23] Speaker E: There we go. [00:15:26] Speaker A: And then roll the exact opposite side of a one into a 20. So, yes, you hit Cole Nasher with a beam of chilling coldness. [00:15:40] Speaker E: Yeah. And that will be a plus. [00:15:44] Speaker A: Oh, my goodness. [00:15:45] Speaker E: Wait, no, it's because I tightened it. It's another two d six on top of that. [00:15:53] Speaker B: Is it also a signature spell for you? [00:15:56] Speaker E: It looks like it. [00:15:57] Speaker A: Okay, so that's 20 points of damage. [00:16:02] Speaker E: Yep. Okay, cool. [00:16:03] Speaker A: And as this blast hits this horror nightmare, you see wisps and tendrils of cold wrap around it and it disappears into nothingness. [00:16:17] Speaker D: Oh, boy. [00:16:18] Speaker A: Can I turn on the picture? [00:16:20] Speaker E: Its shadow longer than it existed. [00:16:22] Speaker A: No. Cole Nasher has been eliminated. You have one more. [00:16:30] Speaker E: Uh oh. [00:16:31] Speaker A: No, you don't. Kept it. And you all right, Brianna? [00:16:36] Speaker D: Ah, boy. Let's hope I roll a bit better this time as Brianna is going to follow the hag. Be like, oh, no, you don't. We're not done with you here. And she will swing up. Oh, I'm sorry, did I just roll a fucking natural 20? [00:16:57] Speaker A: Go ahead and draw your crit card, please. [00:17:01] Speaker D: Why do you sound so disappointed? [00:17:02] Speaker B: Let's follow her crit card. [00:17:04] Speaker E: That's right, Brian. Brianna's the named character. She gets a card. [00:17:07] Speaker D: I do? [00:17:08] Speaker A: Yeah. And it's high a drawing, which means it's gonna be quadruple, triple damage. [00:17:12] Speaker B: Only does triple damage. [00:17:13] Speaker E: Calm down. [00:17:15] Speaker C: Time to Romantrans day. Time to reunite. [00:17:23] Speaker D: It is from one of our patrons, although I'm not sure who it's from. [00:17:28] Speaker A: It should be on the bottom, right. [00:17:30] Speaker D: It's from Duke. Cool. [00:17:33] Speaker C: All right, Duke. [00:17:36] Speaker D: It is. Caste off double damage and you may blind one creature other than the target within 15ft for 1 minute. The blinded target may make a fort save on a critical failure. The duration is permanent on success. The creature is instead dazzled for 1 minute. On a critical success, they are dazzled for five rounds. The secondary target may make a two action interact action to remove the dazzled condition. [00:18:07] Speaker B: That's very cool, but there isn't a secondary target. Unless you want to blind one of us. [00:18:12] Speaker D: I mean, you're closest, Matt, so I'm just gonna choose. You kidding? Let's. Let's blind this lady. This hag lady. [00:18:23] Speaker B: I think it's one target. [00:18:26] Speaker A: Yeah, so you can't get the target, but you do double damage. What thank you, Duke. That's a really cool. [00:18:32] Speaker B: It would have been crit like that if they weren't in the room. But. But yeah, still double damage. [00:18:37] Speaker C: As you can always draw it again. [00:18:39] Speaker D: Okay, so double damage. [00:18:43] Speaker A: Yes. [00:18:44] Speaker D: Did I do that right? No, I didn't disregard. [00:18:47] Speaker A: Lol. [00:18:47] Speaker D: That would have been hilariously bad. 21 times. [00:18:51] Speaker A: 221 times two is 42 damage. Which is also, you know, the light. Answer to the light. [00:19:02] Speaker B: 42 damage. [00:19:03] Speaker A: Everything. She takes it. [00:19:07] Speaker D: Beautiful. [00:19:07] Speaker A: Boom. That was your first action. Would you like a second action? [00:19:12] Speaker D: Yes. [00:19:14] Speaker A: That was her second action. Would you like to make a third action? [00:19:17] Speaker D: Yeah. Can I take that role? I accidentally blooped at that. 33 as my second action? [00:19:24] Speaker A: Yeah, sure. Yeah, absolutely. 33 because it was a second attack. So that's good. 33 will hit. [00:19:32] Speaker D: Beautiful. Take an additional 20 damage. [00:19:36] Speaker A: Oof. I don't like that. [00:19:38] Speaker D: Well, you're just gonna have. Why? [00:19:43] Speaker B: Because forceful. The forceful trait. [00:19:46] Speaker A: Oh. [00:19:47] Speaker B: Every time you hit the same target, you do like one extra damage. It's like one more damage. It's not a huge amount of damage, but it's 21. [00:19:54] Speaker A: Ow. No, don't like. [00:19:57] Speaker D: Well, you just gotta have to. [00:20:00] Speaker A: Twin Talon. [00:20:02] Speaker B: Oh, bow. Okay, well, I'm going to. I mean, she's right here, so I guess I'll attack her. Oh, shit. Can I make a reaction to Briena's action? [00:20:16] Speaker A: Uh, I'll allow it. [00:20:18] Speaker B: Okay. Cuz it was to hurt her. Hit there. [00:20:21] Speaker A: Yes. [00:20:22] Speaker B: So I will take my reaction. Attack. [00:20:26] Speaker A: I'm so giving. [00:20:27] Speaker B: It's fine, it's fine. I'm gonna crit fail. I'm gonna wish I didn't do it. [00:20:30] Speaker A: I mean, I can only hope. [00:20:33] Speaker B: 33 that will hit. [00:20:35] Speaker D: Lovely. [00:20:37] Speaker B: Okay, so it is 14 plus seven sneak. So 21 damage. And it is cold iron. So any damage she takes extra from that. [00:20:49] Speaker A: I'm just not liking all of this stuff. It's sucks. [00:20:56] Speaker D: Okay, that's fair assessment. [00:20:59] Speaker B: I have 19 hit points left, so I'm not super sympathetic. I'm sorry. [00:21:07] Speaker A: I'm with metal. How much did you do? I'm sorry. [00:21:11] Speaker B: 21 plus whatever the cold iron weakness would be. [00:21:16] Speaker A: Okay. She was doing so well for so long and now she's not. Now it is your turn, Matt. [00:21:25] Speaker B: Thank you. So I am going to attack her. [00:21:30] Speaker A: Okay. [00:21:32] Speaker B: 30 flat footed Ac. [00:21:35] Speaker A: Flat footed. Good thing you reminded me about that. 30 will hit. [00:21:41] Speaker B: All right, so I'm going to enfeeble her one, which I think she already is from something. [00:21:48] Speaker A: Yes, she already is. [00:21:50] Speaker B: All right, well, in case that was from me earlier, I'm just going to re up that. [00:21:54] Speaker A: Okay. [00:21:55] Speaker B: And let's do some damage. So 14 on my normal, plus five sneak is 19. Plus whatever the cold iron weakness is. [00:22:07] Speaker A: 19. Cold iron is ten. [00:22:10] Speaker B: So 29. [00:22:11] Speaker A: 29 total. She's still there. [00:22:14] Speaker B: All right, I'm gonna attack her one more time. [00:22:17] Speaker D: More time, one more time. [00:22:20] Speaker A: You're gonna critical fail one more time. [00:22:26] Speaker B: It sucks. Sean. [00:22:31] Speaker A: You have two hero points. [00:22:32] Speaker B: I'm definitely gonna use one. [00:22:34] Speaker A: Oh, okay. Okay. Let me take one of those delicious hero points from you. Delicious. [00:22:43] Speaker D: I can tell. [00:22:44] Speaker B: All right, 26 versus her flat footed acoustical. [00:22:47] Speaker A: That will just regular miss. [00:22:50] Speaker B: Okay, so then for my third action, I'm going to step away from her, and Taysani dasani is gonna swoop around behind her so that she is flanking with Brianna. [00:23:09] Speaker A: Okay? I like that. I like that very much. [00:23:13] Speaker B: She's going to squawk and dance, and that will be it for me. [00:23:18] Speaker A: Okay? So, Saraya, so tell me if you. [00:23:24] Speaker C: Want to rule that it is out of range for what I would like to do, but I want to take one action to move up next to the hag. Take a second one to pick up my dagger from where it fell on the floor last time. I flung it teleconference phonetically and stab her with it. For the third action. [00:23:41] Speaker A: Uh, move, pick up, stab, step. Okay. Yeah, I'll let it go. That'll work. [00:23:49] Speaker C: Cause I am better with a weapon in my hand than with a weapon that I'm trying to use magic with. But it's still only a 27, and I'm sad. [00:23:57] Speaker A: That is a flam miss. [00:24:02] Speaker C: I rolled a ten. Is it worth it to try and do a hero point? [00:24:07] Speaker B: How close were you? [00:24:10] Speaker C: I probably need another four to hit. If the 30 is successful. Flat footed. [00:24:20] Speaker B: It certainly can't hurt. Right? You go for a miss to miss. [00:24:22] Speaker C: Yeah, that's what I figured. Let's do that one more try. [00:24:24] Speaker A: Because remember, we're not taking. [00:24:26] Speaker C: We're not doing. Yeah. [00:24:27] Speaker A: If I crit fail better of the two. Yeah, the better failure off the two. [00:24:32] Speaker C: Yeah. Oh, let's try this again. She's just so not used to using weapons. Oh, 36. [00:24:40] Speaker B: There we go. [00:24:40] Speaker A: Nice. 36. Well hit. [00:24:43] Speaker C: Much better. Alrighty, that's gonna be seven damage. Plus the cold iron. Cause daggers are not particularly. But still, with that coal iron bonus, I'm happy. [00:24:57] Speaker A: Yeah, it is. Now my turn. Matt. [00:25:04] Speaker B: Yes. [00:25:04] Speaker A: Oh, it's against what? Let's. What's your perception DC? [00:25:12] Speaker B: My perception DC? Yeah. Is it visual or not visual? [00:25:17] Speaker A: Visual. [00:25:18] Speaker B: 30. [00:25:20] Speaker A: Okay. [00:25:21] Speaker C: Methinks really bestie may sneaking up behind us. [00:25:25] Speaker B: It's possible. I mean, there's no cover for her to do that. But she could be invisible. [00:25:30] Speaker A: Yeah, she could be. [00:25:32] Speaker B: That would be a vis. That wouldn't be a vision based perception check. [00:25:35] Speaker A: Oh, that's true. Oh, you're right. [00:25:38] Speaker B: It'd be 28 if it's not visual. It's 30 if it's visual. [00:25:42] Speaker A: Okay, so 28. So it's. All right. Suddenly, from behind you, twin talon rusty may appears and strikes at you with a claw, which makes you. Does that make you flat footed? [00:26:00] Speaker B: No. [00:26:01] Speaker A: No. [00:26:02] Speaker B: Okay, well, I'll read the ability and you can tell me, but I don't believe so. Deny advantage. As someone who takes advantage of those defenses, you're careful not to leave such openings yourself. You aren't flat footed to hidden, undetected or flanking creatures of your level or lower. Or creatures of your level or lower using surprise attack. [00:26:22] Speaker A: It would be a surprise attack technically. [00:26:24] Speaker C: Or they are level or lower. [00:26:26] Speaker A: Okay, so you're not flat footed, but you see a claw come directly at you. 31. [00:26:35] Speaker B: That's a hit. [00:26:36] Speaker A: Okay, so this says it's an attack grab, which means I can make a grab if I want to. [00:26:44] Speaker B: Grab means if you take a second action, assuming they didn't move, then. [00:26:50] Speaker A: Oh, sorry. It's two d. Eight plus 13 damage plus grab. [00:26:55] Speaker B: Right. And grab just means you can make. You can spend an action to automatically succeed at a gravel. [00:27:02] Speaker A: Okay, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. Okay, so a 31 is a regular hit, you said. [00:27:07] Speaker B: That is correct. [00:27:08] Speaker A: Okay, so not terrible. You're gonna take 26 points of damage. [00:27:16] Speaker B: Any chance there's gonna be a liberating step happening? [00:27:19] Speaker D: Yes, absolutely. [00:27:21] Speaker A: So that's minus ten, I believe. 1111. So that's 1515 points of damage. All right. [00:27:34] Speaker B: And Twintown will take the opportunity to step twice backwards. [00:27:38] Speaker A: Okay. [00:27:39] Speaker B: Get out of her reach. [00:27:41] Speaker A: How far is that? 15ft. [00:27:45] Speaker B: Yeah, he, like, she, like, pops out of nowhere, hits him. He backpedals to the wall. Yeah, like ducking behind Brianna a little bit. [00:27:54] Speaker D: I mean, that's my job, right? [00:27:56] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:27:57] Speaker A: For her last action, she is going to step forward and say, leave my coven mate alone. And she's just gonna step there like. [00:28:12] Speaker B: We walked in and she attacked us. [00:28:14] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:28:16] Speaker A: Next up is her coven mate, who's looking real bad at this point. She is going to try and move five. [00:28:32] Speaker D: Nope. [00:28:33] Speaker B: We only have one reaction, so. [00:28:35] Speaker D: Yeah, I hate everything. [00:28:37] Speaker B: Well, I mean, you saved my life. [00:28:38] Speaker A: 15. [00:28:38] Speaker B: I appreciate that. 15 because Twintelle would be unconscious otherwise. [00:28:45] Speaker A: 20, step back there and then look at that pterodactyl. That pterodactyl is going to take a third level. Magic missile. Two, action. Magic missile. So, third level, me. It's heightened. It's not heightened at all. No, it's the first level. So heightened one, Tasani is going to take 13 points damage. Okay, knife, sword, it is your turn. [00:29:20] Speaker E: All right. It's a big person in front of me. [00:29:23] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. [00:29:25] Speaker E: Oh, interesting. They have the same name as I do. [00:29:32] Speaker A: Oh, Matt, I'm sorry, I forgot to ask you some very important questions. I'm sorry, Rob. Let me. Let me. Let me ask Matt this question. What type of. What armor are you wearing? [00:29:44] Speaker B: Leather armor. [00:29:45] Speaker A: Okay, then. Never mind. [00:29:47] Speaker B: All right. [00:29:49] Speaker A: All right, Rob, it's now yours. [00:29:52] Speaker B: Rusty. [00:29:57] Speaker E: I'm going to shoot tendrils of darkness from my fingertips at her. [00:30:04] Speaker A: Rusty may. [00:30:06] Speaker E: No, all teeth. [00:30:08] Speaker A: Alt teeth. [00:30:09] Speaker B: Okay, that's Rusty May for the. For all of our listeners. [00:30:14] Speaker A: No, that's Kalani. [00:30:16] Speaker B: All teeth is the one here because his name is over top of her portrait, overlapping her. That's why he said she has the same name as me. [00:30:24] Speaker C: Just. Did you just get the joke, babe? [00:30:28] Speaker D: I'm blond and juggling a lot. [00:30:33] Speaker A: Takes me a few minutes to figure things out. [00:30:37] Speaker E: So she needs to do a DC 27 fortitude save. [00:30:40] Speaker A: Okay? [00:30:42] Speaker E: I just remind everybody I'm a good character. [00:30:47] Speaker A: A DC what? Fort save. 27 fortitude. Big money. Big money. That's a middle money. 32. [00:30:59] Speaker E: Okay, so that's a success. So you'll take half damage. So three or four. I don't know how it breaks. [00:31:08] Speaker A: Oh, you roll your whole damage, and then we divide it by two. [00:31:11] Speaker E: I mean, I did. It's right there. Seven. [00:31:13] Speaker A: Oh, so we round up in this game. So four. [00:31:16] Speaker E: All right. And you miss out on the persistent bleed damage, which is really the fun of this, but that's okay. [00:31:24] Speaker A: She turns and snarls at you. Don't snarl at me. [00:31:28] Speaker E: A magic missile. Her face. [00:31:30] Speaker A: Okay. [00:31:32] Speaker E: Like flicking her nose. [00:31:33] Speaker A: Two points of damaging damages. [00:31:37] Speaker C: It's like hitting a dog with a newspaper. [00:31:39] Speaker E: No, no. [00:31:42] Speaker A: All right, Mariana, you gain your reaction back. [00:31:50] Speaker D: I don't know who to go for. [00:31:52] Speaker B: If you finish off Kalani, then she's done. But, I mean, I don't know. I don't know what the answer is, honestly. It's a tough call. [00:32:05] Speaker D: I said stop running from me. She says as she yet again swings and probably misses with a 28. [00:32:15] Speaker A: 20. Will. Miss. [00:32:18] Speaker D: Is she still, um, flat footed? [00:32:23] Speaker A: She is not flat footed. She is enfeebled. [00:32:28] Speaker D: Sounds lame. [00:32:30] Speaker A: You have a hero point? [00:32:34] Speaker D: Sure, why not? [00:32:35] Speaker A: All right. Delicious. Delicious hero points. [00:32:38] Speaker B: No, no, no, no. [00:32:41] Speaker D: All right. How's a 37? [00:32:43] Speaker A: Hey, that is a hit. [00:32:46] Speaker D: Beautiful. 17 points of damage. [00:32:50] Speaker A: 17 points of damage. She's holding on. [00:32:56] Speaker D: Cool. I rolled a 32. That'll hit for 18 points of damage. [00:33:02] Speaker A: Would you like to describe your kill? [00:33:04] Speaker D: I believe Brianna would try and make it as quick as possible, and she will step into her guard and swiftly lop off her head, since scimitar is a slashing weapon as it goes rolling onto one of the beds and lands on a pillow. [00:33:24] Speaker A: All right, dunk. [00:33:26] Speaker D: She'll then turn to rusty Mae and do the come forward motion. [00:33:34] Speaker B: Ooh, you gonna smite her? [00:33:36] Speaker D: You bet. [00:33:36] Speaker A: You okay? With a snap hiss from behind Brianna, a creature appears. [00:33:49] Speaker B: The shit is that? [00:33:51] Speaker C: What the. [00:33:52] Speaker B: It looks like a. I don't know what that is. It's a bug scorpion with bat wings. [00:33:58] Speaker D: It's a skeletal. I was gonna say, like a skeletal. Yeah, like you said, bat scorpion. [00:34:07] Speaker C: From a distance, it kind of looks like a winged facehugger. [00:34:10] Speaker A: Ooh, that's a good description. [00:34:11] Speaker D: All right. [00:34:12] Speaker B: These are all horrible descriptions in that it's horribly gross. [00:34:19] Speaker A: Oh, boy. So many choices. All right, so first thing that comes whipping at Brianna's face is a claw. [00:34:31] Speaker D: Bring it. [00:34:32] Speaker A: I will. It's already been brought. 35. That'll hit whack. As the claw hits you, and it does 15 points of damage. All right, then it's stinger flashes at you. [00:34:58] Speaker D: Okay. [00:35:00] Speaker A: Oh, that's a natural 20. [00:35:05] Speaker D: Cool. Cool. [00:35:06] Speaker A: I love this. 36. 36. Okay. [00:35:09] Speaker D: Mm hmm. [00:35:10] Speaker A: So while I'm drawing the crit hit card, can you also make a fortitude save for me? [00:35:15] Speaker D: With pleasure, because it's my strongest of the three. [00:35:20] Speaker C: Mm hmm. [00:35:21] Speaker D: That was a 38. [00:35:23] Speaker A: Oh, you succeed. [00:35:25] Speaker D: I critically succeed. [00:35:26] Speaker A: Then, uh, yes. You're good. You're critically succeeded. However you're taking. It's a piercing. The target drops. One item, it is holding. I'll. It says determined by the GM, randomly by the GM. So here's what we're going to do. We're going to flip a coin. On a one, it's your shield that's broken. [00:35:51] Speaker D: All right. [00:35:52] Speaker A: Or on a two. [00:35:54] Speaker B: What? [00:35:54] Speaker A: It will be your scimitar. [00:35:56] Speaker B: Yeah. Why is our shield broken? [00:35:57] Speaker A: Oh, no, I'm sorry. Your shield is not broken. The spikes are gone. [00:36:01] Speaker C: Right. [00:36:02] Speaker A: All right, so on a one, you drop your shield. On a two, you drop your scimitar. [00:36:06] Speaker D: You got it. [00:36:07] Speaker A: Flipping that coin. One, drop your shield. [00:36:12] Speaker D: I imagine my shield to be, like, strapped onto my arm. He must have, like, really walloped my. [00:36:18] Speaker A: Well, this is coming from the stinger tail, the scorpion like tail of it. [00:36:23] Speaker D: Okay. [00:36:24] Speaker A: And it just, like, rips it off to you. Yeah, but you still need to take damage, which is critical damage. [00:36:36] Speaker D: I don't like it. [00:36:38] Speaker A: You take 42 points of damage. 36 of that is physical damage. [00:36:46] Speaker D: All right. [00:36:46] Speaker A: Six of that is evil damage. [00:36:48] Speaker D: Oof. I don't know if I have negatives. [00:36:52] Speaker A: Or you do not, but I just want to let the listening audience know what's happening. [00:36:58] Speaker B: Yeah. So just a short note about alignment damage. If you are not the opposite of that alignment, you do not take it. [00:37:06] Speaker A: Oh. [00:37:07] Speaker B: So just for future reference, I mean, Brianna is good, Briana is good. So she would take evil damage, but if she was neutral, for instance, or evil, then she wouldn't take any. [00:37:18] Speaker A: Oh, that's interesting. That's good to know. So for its third action, it disappears. [00:37:27] Speaker D: Oh, you tricky bugger. [00:37:30] Speaker A: This hag. It has that leathery skin that you saw initially with black hair, no horns, protruding, long nose. And she is also large and she is going to first off move towards you. She stays, steps up onto that dais and swings at you. [00:37:58] Speaker B: Say, daisy, do you mean bed? [00:38:00] Speaker A: Yes. Okay, on the dais. On the dais. Uh uh. Oh, on the dais. All right. Swinging a claw at Serea. Oh my God, I think I missed. [00:38:13] Speaker C: What'd you roll? [00:38:14] Speaker A: I roll the 325. [00:38:17] Speaker C: That misses. [00:38:19] Speaker A: Oh. All right. She swings her second hand at the first one. [00:38:27] Speaker B: The minute hand with the hour hand. [00:38:29] Speaker A: Yep. 38. [00:38:32] Speaker C: That just barely crits. [00:38:33] Speaker A: Fuck you. Yeah, well, I rolled a natural 20, so. [00:38:37] Speaker C: Oh, it crits either way. [00:38:39] Speaker A: Yeah, it crits either way, so. Oh, but I needed to hit with both hands. Go. Alright, well let me draw this critical hit hard. [00:38:46] Speaker B: Does she have rending or something? [00:38:48] Speaker A: I mean, maybe. [00:38:50] Speaker C: What would that do? I'm unfamiliar with rending. [00:38:54] Speaker B: So typically if you have two attacks, if you hit with both of them, you then get a free amount of damage equal to the claw attack damage. [00:39:02] Speaker C: Oof. [00:39:04] Speaker B: Yeah, it's like basically a third attack for free if you hit two of them. [00:39:06] Speaker C: Yeah, that's rough. [00:39:08] Speaker A: So you're going to take some slashong. [00:39:13] Speaker C: Slashong? [00:39:14] Speaker A: Missing digits, normal damage. The target loses one d, four fingers on one hand and becomes clumsy one until subject of a regeneration spell or something similar. Ooh. [00:39:31] Speaker C: Ouch. [00:39:33] Speaker B: Wow. [00:39:34] Speaker A: So you are losing three fingers. So you're a clumsy one. Serea. [00:39:42] Speaker C: Uh huh. [00:39:43] Speaker A: It's okay. You don't use decks for anything, right? [00:39:46] Speaker C: Oh yeah, no, I don't. I don't use thrown weapons. [00:39:48] Speaker A: Oh yeah. [00:39:50] Speaker D: In any way you. [00:39:55] Speaker A: Can liberate her? [00:39:56] Speaker D: Sure. Let's, let's do that then. [00:39:59] Speaker A: All right. Yeah. So it's regular damage. So 22. So you take eleven points of damage. [00:40:06] Speaker C: Because I'm being liberated for eleven. [00:40:08] Speaker A: Yes. [00:40:10] Speaker C: I mean, this is the first damage I've taken, so. [00:40:14] Speaker A: And you may take a free five foot step somewhere. [00:40:16] Speaker C: I may. [00:40:18] Speaker B: You can actually take two of them? [00:40:20] Speaker A: Oh yeah, you can take two steps. [00:40:22] Speaker C: I'm just gonna take one step back against the wall. So I'm next to Tasani and hopefully out of range of everybody's reach. [00:40:29] Speaker A: Okay. And what type of armor are you wearing? [00:40:32] Speaker C: I believe I'm also wearing leather, but I. Let me check. [00:40:36] Speaker A: Boo. I don't like that. [00:40:39] Speaker C: Sorry. [00:40:40] Speaker A: Looking inventory. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Different. Different character. Sorry. [00:40:46] Speaker C: Okay. Yeah. It is studded leather. [00:40:49] Speaker A: Technically, twin Talon, you got hags to the left, hags to the right, and there you are stuck in the middle with them. [00:41:01] Speaker B: Yeah, we're kind of surrounded. Other than. Other than knife sword. [00:41:07] Speaker D: Back to back friends, man. [00:41:10] Speaker B: I know what I want to do, but I feel like nothing is a good answer. Like honestly. Like nothing that we do would be good. [00:41:18] Speaker A: So lay down. Accept your fate. [00:41:20] Speaker B: Yeah, I feel like. I feel like I might die. Like honestly. Okay, so twin Talon, let's just go try to prolong this fight as long as possible. [00:41:34] Speaker A: Don't forget you can always take one action to try and identify any of these monsters and or learn more about them and learning strengths and weaknesses about them. [00:41:42] Speaker B: I feel like every turn they take half my hit points. That's all I need know about them. [00:41:47] Speaker A: Fair enough. [00:41:48] Speaker B: Right now. So what I need to do is make a religion check because Twintalon is going to whip out the wand of heal and try to heal himself. [00:42:00] Speaker A: Okay. [00:42:01] Speaker B: But he needs to trick it since he is not a caster. [00:42:10] Speaker A: All right, so you're going to trick magic device. [00:42:14] Speaker B: Trick magic item is what the feed is. [00:42:15] Speaker A: Trick magic item. Sorry. Yeah, yeah. [00:42:18] Speaker B: So you figure out what the DC is and then cast this spell here. [00:42:24] Speaker A: It's. It's a wand of heal. Right? What level of it? [00:42:27] Speaker B: It's third level heal. [00:42:30] Speaker A: Okay. It's a duke. Do I tell you the DC? Yeah. DC 23. [00:42:34] Speaker B: Okay. Okay. Okay. Come on, twin Talon. [00:42:41] Speaker C: You can do it. [00:42:41] Speaker B: Oh, fuck. [00:42:43] Speaker A: You have a hero point. [00:42:45] Speaker B: I am. I'm gonna use it. [00:42:47] Speaker A: All right. [00:42:48] Speaker B: What did I roll, by the way? [00:42:51] Speaker A: You rolled a three. [00:42:52] Speaker B: Religion. Okay, so I make sure I rolled the right. [00:42:54] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:42:55] Speaker B: Skill. I'm not that it matters. Almost all my skills are. They're nearly the same. Except for the texture. Six. I still fucked fail. [00:43:05] Speaker A: All right. Okay, so you don't. You don't trick it. [00:43:09] Speaker B: Don't. I, like, have no more. I looked in the bag. [00:43:14] Speaker A: So you, like, you have on. On your. On your body, you have a potion? Healing potion, moderate and healing potion. [00:43:23] Speaker B: Okay, then I guess for my second action, I'm going to pull up the healing potion. And third action. Drink it. [00:43:30] Speaker A: Minor or moderate? [00:43:31] Speaker B: Moderate. Moderate. I have very few hit points left. I'm not messing around. So I rolled below average, but not bad. 24 hit points. [00:43:42] Speaker A: All right. [00:43:43] Speaker B: Which puts me at 28 hit points. Oh, boy. [00:43:48] Speaker A: You have one. [00:43:49] Speaker B: No, that's all my actions. [00:43:50] Speaker A: You tried. Oh, that's it. Okay. [00:43:52] Speaker B: And Taysani, she is confused. I don't know. She knows what to do. Does Brianna look like she's going one way or the other? Like, which way does it look like Brianna's gonna go? Is she looking like she's gonna go toward the hag or toward the scorpion creature? [00:44:14] Speaker D: Well, she just got rocked by the scorpion creature, so I feel like she's losing health and is starting to react more instinctively now. So she'll probably go towards the scorpion creature, I guess. Unless, if you want to tactically tell me to do something else. I don't know. [00:44:37] Speaker B: Um, Taysani's gonna start. All right, so Taysani basically did a loop around the hag. They just disappeared and started heading out the eastern door. [00:44:49] Speaker C: Interesting. [00:44:49] Speaker A: Okay, so next up is Saraya. [00:44:53] Speaker C: When we did the initial knowledge check on a hag, what were the weaknesses? [00:44:59] Speaker A: Again, the initial knowledge check on the hag weakness was cold iron. [00:45:04] Speaker B: That was specifically a night hanny. [00:45:06] Speaker C: Others. [00:45:07] Speaker A: Yeah, that was a night hag, specifically, yes. [00:45:11] Speaker C: Have alignment ampules, but they're doing evil damage. But I don't know if they are weak to good, then. [00:45:20] Speaker A: So, for the night hag, specifically, you found that they were immune to sleep, weak to cold, and resistant to mental damage. [00:45:31] Speaker C: Weak to cold iron or cold iron. [00:45:33] Speaker A: Yeah, sorry, cold. [00:45:35] Speaker C: That also changes strategy. Um, I mean, generally can't go wrong with fire, so I'm actually gonna do. I'm gonna do a knowledge check. Are these two the same creatures, Senna and rusty Mang? [00:45:54] Speaker A: No. [00:45:55] Speaker C: Okay. [00:45:56] Speaker A: Absolutely not. [00:45:57] Speaker C: Um, okay, what would it be to recall knowledge on Senna? [00:46:02] Speaker A: Senna? Christine, you can roll for me. Either society or society. [00:46:15] Speaker C: Helpful. [00:46:17] Speaker A: So, society. [00:46:19] Speaker C: 31. [00:46:20] Speaker A: 31. That is a critical success. You can ask me three questions. [00:46:26] Speaker C: Well, give me the basics. [00:46:27] Speaker A: First, chaotic evil, large hag, humanoid. This is an anise hag. [00:46:35] Speaker C: Spell that for me. [00:46:37] Speaker A: A n n I s. Okay. Anise hags are brutal torturers and murderers, delighting in the musical screams and tasty flesh of young creatures and those who are pure of heart. And his hags are the most direct of all hags, engaging in physical combat and using their chain shape ability to hunt rather than to infiltrate and betray humanoids. But an anise hag takes a grisly trophy from each kill and uses it to sow discord, sending the trophy to one of the victims loved ones in a way that implicates another family member in the murder. Also known as iron hags, Ana's hags have iron like yet flexible flesh that resembles edge weapons. And their own touch is the same as cold iron that burrows into the flesh of other hags. This allows them to bully their way to leadership in hag covens. [00:47:32] Speaker C: Okay, well, that makes the critical success even more apropos, given that I am missing fingers now. Yeah, okay. [00:47:43] Speaker A: Yeah. Weaknesses? No weaknesses. However, I will tell you that it is resistant to physical damage. Five. Except for bludgeoning because of the iron like skin. [00:47:58] Speaker C: That makes sense. Um, special attacks. [00:48:04] Speaker A: Oh, boy. Bonds of iron. Once per day, an anise hag can cause a cage built of cold iron fingernails to spring out of nothingness at a range of up to 30ft. Attempting an athletics check to grapple against her targets. 42 Dec. If the target has a weakness to cold iron, the anise hag needs a two bonus to this check. Unlike normal grapple, the anise hag doesn't need to be within reach and can move as she pleases. And a successful attempt lasts until the creature escapes, causing the cage to crumble into rust. And the creature can attempt to destroy the cage by attacking change shape. The head can take on the appearance of any medium female humanoid. This is how they moved into the room. Rend. Matt, you were absolutely right. Rend. The monster has to hit with two consecutive strikes of the listed type, which in this case is claw. And it will automatically deal the strikes damage to that enemy and it can grab. [00:49:06] Speaker C: All right, and I have one more question. [00:49:09] Speaker A: Yes, you do. [00:49:10] Speaker C: How many hit points? [00:49:11] Speaker A: So this is an elite anise hag. So it has 125 hit points. [00:49:20] Speaker C: Okay. All right, let me see what I want to do. Sorry. I am just running through my list of bombs here to see what's gonna be most effective. [00:49:34] Speaker A: You have a couple of options, I think. [00:49:35] Speaker B: Right. [00:49:35] Speaker C: Okay. Um. Okay, so my first action was knowledge check. Oh, wait, hang on. Hasn't said something that I can understand. Interesting. Uh, all right, I'll address that in a moment. Um, yeah. Okay. I'm gonna throw a. Grab a blight bomb out of my bag and throw it at Senna. Okay, it's a 28 to try and hit Senna. [00:50:09] Speaker A: 20. I'm sorry. 28 to hit Senna will hit. [00:50:13] Speaker C: Glorious. Okay, perfect. Alrighty. So she takes two d, six poison damage, two d, four persistent poison damage. Damage, and two poison splash. So let me roll the. We'll add our plus two. [00:50:25] Speaker A: Yes, please. [00:50:26] Speaker C: Roland. Roland Rollin. And I'm also going to be targeting, because again, I will translate Haznah Sachs message. So it's twelve poison damage on Senna. Okay, I'm aiming it so I do not hit the facehugger. The flying face huggeread with the splash. Okay, so that's one blight bomb down. I'm also going to throw one over to rusty May. [00:50:59] Speaker A: Okay. [00:51:00] Speaker C: Which I may end up regretting, but we'll see. [00:51:03] Speaker D: Hey, aoe damage, right? Keep going, baby. [00:51:06] Speaker C: Yeah, I know. Okay. I just don't. Crypt fail. Ooh, a 19. I think I crit failed. [00:51:12] Speaker A: Rusty May. 19 is a crit fail. [00:51:17] Speaker C: I don't think I've used my hero point this episode. [00:51:20] Speaker D: Yeah, I don't remember. [00:51:23] Speaker A: You did. [00:51:25] Speaker C: Oh, crap, I did. No, I remember that you did. All right, I did. [00:51:28] Speaker A: I did. [00:51:28] Speaker C: It was on one of the other attacks. That's fine. I will draw my crit fail card real quick. [00:51:34] Speaker D: Boo. [00:51:35] Speaker C: I know. [00:51:35] Speaker B: Boo indeed. [00:51:36] Speaker C: Boo indeed. But then I will if I'm dressing, hasn't I, Celestial? Would you like me to help? Crap. I provoke reactions as if I used a move action. The crit fail is called lower guard, but I think I am out of range. [00:51:58] Speaker A: You're not, but. Oh, no, none of them have a reaction. [00:52:01] Speaker C: Oh, sweet. I. Yes. If I'm going to respond to Hazmazak, would you like me to respond in celestial? [00:52:07] Speaker A: Uh, or you can just yell it out. How? What do you think you would do in this situation? [00:52:12] Speaker C: Well, I don't know who else speaks Celestial, and I cannot communicate to you and not the rest of the group. [00:52:21] Speaker A: Well, there's an audience here, so that's respond. So respond as you would. [00:52:27] Speaker C: Cool. Um, I will relate to the group that the strange scorpion creature is offering help in exchange for payment. [00:52:37] Speaker D: What kind of payment does it want? [00:52:40] Speaker C: And that's what I will ask it in return. Like what? What do you require? [00:52:45] Speaker D: How about it? Stop hitting me because. Holy shit, I'm bleeding. [00:52:49] Speaker C: 150 gold? Really? That's so normal. Why does it want that's so normal? [00:52:57] Speaker D: What? [00:52:58] Speaker C: What's it gonna buy? [00:52:59] Speaker D: I want to know. [00:53:02] Speaker B: It's going to be the devil titty bars to see some devil titties here. [00:53:08] Speaker D: I thought it was gonna be like, oh, my gosh, shoes. [00:53:09] Speaker C: I want these shoes. [00:53:10] Speaker B: Maybe like your souls. [00:53:13] Speaker C: 150 gold. Like, again, that is so mundane. I think she repeats it in that tone of voice. 150 gold. What? [00:53:27] Speaker D: She'll look at her compatriots, be like. [00:53:31] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, that's fine. [00:53:35] Speaker C: Even if we just, you know, even if it's only for now and we can fight it on its own later. [00:53:39] Speaker D: Let's do it. [00:53:41] Speaker B: I just know that if we don't get out of here alive, having all of our money isn't gonna help us. So that's there. [00:53:49] Speaker C: Yes. Fine. We'll give you the gold. [00:53:52] Speaker B: So if it wants to tie up the anus hag, then it can do that. [00:53:56] Speaker D: Anus hag. [00:53:57] Speaker C: That's why I asked Sean to spell it for me. Not gonna lie. So, yeah, fine, we'll give you the gold. [00:54:09] Speaker A: All right. So you'll have to see what happens on its next round. [00:54:15] Speaker C: Yeah, I figured this is a whole thing and a half. [00:54:19] Speaker A: All right, Rusty may is. It's your turn. Oh, that's me. That's me. See what I did there? Hey, knife, sword. [00:54:30] Speaker E: Huh? [00:54:33] Speaker A: What's your ac? [00:54:35] Speaker E: Over 9000. [00:54:37] Speaker A: Oh, that's a good number. How does a. Yeah, 42 hit you? [00:54:42] Speaker E: Yes, yes. Largely. It's illusionary, so. [00:54:46] Speaker A: Okay, I'm assuming that's a crit, right? [00:54:51] Speaker E: What is it? [00:54:51] Speaker A: Double the ten over your. [00:54:54] Speaker E: Yes. [00:54:55] Speaker B: You can see Rob doesn't usually get attacked. [00:55:00] Speaker E: Most people see they over 9000 and just give up. [00:55:03] Speaker A: Right. Well, this is a critical hit, so let me draw another. I've never drawn so many crit hit cards. Is this what it's like to be like you, Haya? [00:55:13] Speaker D: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:55:15] Speaker A: Oh, this is from another Patreon member. [00:55:18] Speaker C: Oh, God. [00:55:20] Speaker A: This one is from doombeard. [00:55:23] Speaker D: Hey, we like him. [00:55:25] Speaker A: All right. We like all of our patrons. We just not all. [00:55:28] Speaker D: I'm kidding. Ouch. [00:55:32] Speaker B: I. [00:55:32] Speaker D: What? [00:55:33] Speaker A: I'm kidding. I love you guys. So this is a hit. What type of damage? I want to say. Here's this one's called. I've been requested to sing it if I get through this. Let it go. Let it go. [00:55:51] Speaker B: Who requested. [00:55:55] Speaker A: Me? You slash the target across its hands, slash, tentacle, slash, claw, causing it to drop that hands content. The attacker chooses which hand, claw, tentacle, otherworldly appendage, etcetera, to strike. And any items on or in that hand are dropped and scattered 10ft in the direction the attacker of the attacker shot choosing. This includes not only items being carried, weapons, shields, wands, etcetera, but also gear in that hand, gloves, rings, etcetera. But not bracers or arm gear. If the creature has no gear, then the attack slows them as they cry out in massive pain in their extremity. So you are slowed one. I appreciate that doombeard put in a caveat of people not carrying things, but. [00:56:55] Speaker E: I have a banana peel, so. [00:56:58] Speaker A: And you are going to take critical damage. Oh, my go. [00:57:04] Speaker E: I'm dead. [00:57:05] Speaker A: I had two d eight plus 13. Okay, it's 58 points of damage. [00:57:14] Speaker D: Nope. [00:57:15] Speaker A: Mm mm. [00:57:15] Speaker E: That puts me down. Hey, guess what? I let off a noxious odor. [00:57:24] Speaker A: Hang on. What's massive damage rules again? [00:57:27] Speaker B: Double your starting hit points, I think. [00:57:29] Speaker A: Oh, okay. So you're not dead dead, yeah, but. Great. But greater than double your maximum. [00:57:35] Speaker E: Guess what just took effect. [00:57:37] Speaker B: Did we continue? [00:57:38] Speaker E: I'm covered in slime or something. I forget what the contingency was. [00:57:42] Speaker B: Oh, right, the necklace you gave her. [00:57:45] Speaker A: That's right. Your necklace goes off. [00:57:48] Speaker E: Yep. [00:57:49] Speaker A: Oh, my goodness. [00:57:51] Speaker B: Was it stabilized? Is that what it casts? [00:57:53] Speaker E: Yeah. [00:57:54] Speaker A: Yes. [00:57:55] Speaker C: That's awesome. [00:57:56] Speaker A: Beautiful. [00:57:57] Speaker B: Good thinking. [00:57:59] Speaker A: You are now you're dying. One, but stabilized. [00:58:06] Speaker E: And I'm covered in slime, I think. Is that. [00:58:09] Speaker A: Yes, you are covered in slime. [00:58:14] Speaker D: That is the important part. [00:58:15] Speaker B: It's like Sean eating a hot dog. That hag probably thinks this is delicious looking. [00:58:22] Speaker A: You're not wrong. All right, so that was her first attack. [00:58:28] Speaker C: Oh, Jesus. [00:58:29] Speaker A: Her second attack is going to be on twin Talon. And let's see how well she does this time. I'm gonna roll this one publicly. 33. [00:58:41] Speaker B: That's a hit. [00:58:43] Speaker A: That's a regular hit. [00:58:44] Speaker B: Yeah. 27 is my ac. [00:58:47] Speaker A: All right, you take 19 points of slashing damage. Cool. All right. And on her last action, I liberate you. [00:58:59] Speaker B: You are 20ft away. [00:59:01] Speaker D: Oh, never mind. Do nothing. [00:59:07] Speaker A: She's going to take one step. No, not there. She's going to slide over. One step. There we go. [00:59:14] Speaker C: Slide to the right. [00:59:16] Speaker B: Crisscross. [00:59:17] Speaker D: So glad we're on the same page. [00:59:19] Speaker A: All right, Rob. [00:59:22] Speaker E: Yo. [00:59:24] Speaker A: It's your turn. [00:59:26] Speaker E: I'm going to be unconscious. [00:59:28] Speaker A: Great. I tell you to roll to stabilize, but you already have. So that's good. [00:59:36] Speaker E: That's thinking ahead. [00:59:39] Speaker B: That was a good forethought, Rob. [00:59:42] Speaker E: I usually take a lot of damage. [00:59:45] Speaker A: You know what? I'm giving you one hero point for saving your own, but. [00:59:53] Speaker D: Nice. [00:59:54] Speaker A: Brianna, what's up? It is your turn, but before you get too excited, I do have to tell you, my timer went off, but I promised I would not end on your turn, so go ahead. [01:00:09] Speaker D: All right, so since we've got a agreement with Sparky McKinky boots. [01:00:16] Speaker B: That's definitely his name. [01:00:17] Speaker D: Why? It's its name. Yep. [01:00:19] Speaker A: You're welcome. He's been renamed. [01:00:20] Speaker D: Now I'm a step up. And, oh, man, I should maybe, like, stab myself with an adrenaline pack or with one of Surya's healing needle things that we've been working on. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. So I can battlefield medicine me because I'm not looking good before I do that, shouldn't I? [01:00:43] Speaker B: If you have an action to spare. [01:00:48] Speaker D: Why the heck not? So I will slap a hello kitty bandage on myself. [01:00:54] Speaker A: All right. [01:00:55] Speaker D: Before anything else. Aha. I do not succeed with a higher level one at 18, so I'll do it at the lower with a 50, which is just two d eight. [01:01:10] Speaker A: Correct. [01:01:11] Speaker D: Wasn't it plus something? 2d plus two? [01:01:13] Speaker A: No, no. If you crit, it's 48. At the higher level, you get the plus ten, plus 20, etcetera, etcetera. [01:01:21] Speaker D: Well, that was shitty. All right, well, I get four points of healing back. I gotta step up and I slash. [01:01:30] Speaker A: All right, let's. [01:01:31] Speaker B: Let's have the Abby slash. [01:01:33] Speaker A: Or let's see if you hit. Let's see if you hit. [01:01:36] Speaker D: Don't jinx me, Sean. [01:01:37] Speaker A: I legitimately concerned for everyone at this point. [01:01:42] Speaker D: How's a 23? [01:01:44] Speaker A: A 23 will miss. Regular miss. [01:01:51] Speaker D: That's fine. I'll just be here. I'll be up here. Do my job. All right, that works, you know. [01:01:59] Speaker A: Cool. So now it is. What did you call him? Bamboozle. Kinkyboots. Exe. [01:02:09] Speaker D: That's it. [01:02:10] Speaker A: Great. It's his turn. But like I said, my timer went off for the end of this episode a few minutes ago. And because I promised not to interrupt. [01:02:21] Speaker C: Haya, we're gonna find out what he does next week. [01:02:31] Speaker D: Well, take that, kinky boots. [01:02:35] Speaker C: Also, I made the joke to Sean, but for all my dark tower fans out there, Saraya loses her fingers. Jasper Disco did a chop how to cheek. [01:02:47] Speaker A: Thank you for listening to the Crack Die podcast. Background sound effects provided by sirenscape. Because Epic Games deserve Epic music, please visit [email protected] Pathfinder second edition, Age of Ashes adventure path are all copyright of Paizo Publishing. Please visit [email protected] for more information.