[00:00:38] Speaker A: Hello, hello, hello and welcome to the 105th episode of the Cracked Die podcast. I'm your host, NGM Shawn, and well, well, here we are, episode 105. I still can't believe we've made it past episode hundred and people are still here with us. And I appreciate it so much. You guys don't even know. Now, if you were on our Twitch stream this past Saturday, November 13, you noticed that we did not play Absalom in order. Instead, we played our game of everyone is David Angel street freak. And that was super fun. I hope you've had a chance to watch it and enjoyed it. Now, this Saturday we're coming back to our normal shenanigans with another episode of Absalom in order. 01:00 p.m. eastern standard time at Twitch TV. Crackdai for our next episode of Absalom and Order, come on over and hang out with us and see what mischief we get up to now. It's getting close to the holidays here in the states and everywhere. However, I just want to let everyone know that next Thursday, November 25, is thanksgiving day. But do not worry, we have an episode already recorded ready to drop and give to you, our lovely listeners. So if you need a few minutes to tune out from your family because things are getting a little heated, please don't worry. You'll have an episode from us on Thanksgiving. With the holidays coming up so fast, maybe it's time to give that special someone a Patreon tier. That's right. You can check out our
[email protected]. thecracked die podcast. Take a look at some of our Patreon levels. We have one of the most disgustingly welcoming discord communities out there, and I highly recommend joining at the five dollar level just to hang out with that discord group. They are amazing people. You know who you are and just come hang out with us and the wonderful community that is growing around our show.
All right, let's get to a fabulous roleplay episode of the Crack Die podcast. Episode 105. Let's go to the table. Welcome to the hundred and fifth episode of the Cracked Die podcast.
[00:03:13] Speaker B: Shoop.
[00:03:13] Speaker A: Shoop.
[00:03:16] Speaker C: Great, we're all here.
[00:03:19] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:03:19] Speaker B: Why does Sean sound so exasperated?
[00:03:21] Speaker C: I don't know. It's early, man.
[00:03:24] Speaker A: It's early.
[00:03:24] Speaker C: Another hour to go.
[00:03:25] Speaker A: Oh, gotta get that blood flowing. So how's everyone doing?
[00:03:29] Speaker D: Grand?
[00:03:30] Speaker E: Doing great.
[00:03:30] Speaker B: Yeah. Yes. Can I complain?
[00:03:33] Speaker D: Happy Thursday, y'all.
[00:03:34] Speaker C: Yeah.
Um, what episode is this? 105.
[00:03:41] Speaker A: You said 105.
[00:03:44] Speaker B: Hello.
Is this real life? What is?
[00:03:47] Speaker A: I don't know.
[00:03:48] Speaker B: What's happening or what's so funny here?
I just.
[00:03:53] Speaker A: Normally we have witty banter at the top of these episodes, and everyone's just like, so.
All right, 105. Let's do this. I guess we'll roleplay. I don't know.
[00:04:02] Speaker C: It is November 18 today. Today is November 18.
[00:04:06] Speaker E: Yep.
[00:04:07] Speaker A: I'm another year older a couple days ago.
[00:04:10] Speaker C: Happy belated birthday, Sean.
[00:04:11] Speaker D: Yay.
[00:04:12] Speaker A: Thank you. Thank you.
[00:04:14] Speaker E: How does it feel to be 18?
[00:04:16] Speaker B: Uh huh.
[00:04:18] Speaker A: 18 was amazing.
Now I just feel like a pile of bones grinding on other bones, slowly wearing away at the passage of time. But that's me.
[00:04:29] Speaker E: No, no, no. It's not just you. Believe me.
[00:04:32] Speaker C: At least this past weekend, we got to play Absalom in order. That was fun for me.
[00:04:37] Speaker E: Yeah, absolutely.
[00:04:39] Speaker A: I can't believe we finished book two already.
[00:04:41] Speaker C: Oh. Oh, Shawn, you sweet, sweet child.
[00:04:45] Speaker B: Sweet, optimistic.
[00:04:46] Speaker C: We're never finishing book two. We're never finishing book one.
[00:04:50] Speaker A: My favorite post that we had was you guys made some progress in the book today. Maybe you'll finish by the end of the year. Oh. Oh, you fool. You fool.
[00:05:01] Speaker B: Sweet summer child.
[00:05:03] Speaker A: Right? Well, let's play some age of ashes. Last time you guys managed to free everyone from the smokehouse, you had a grand party in your honor, and you met. Still don't know how to say this person's name. Not a surprise.
[00:05:23] Speaker E: Mm hmm.
[00:05:23] Speaker B: Mm hmm.
[00:05:24] Speaker A: Oh, also, sorry, random thought. Who wants to help me make a website that teaches you how to pronounce fantasy names? I think that is a million dollar idea. Copyright, crack die, podcast, trademark, whatever.
[00:05:39] Speaker B: Inspired by our extension, curse campaign, where Sean pronounces x u l g a t h as exigorth, not Zolgaf or Zoga.
[00:05:49] Speaker C: I can't see it. That's what it sounds like to me.
[00:05:51] Speaker B: That's. That's what it is. Yep.
[00:05:54] Speaker E: I love it. Shawn never changed.
[00:05:55] Speaker C: There is a thing, but on the topic of fantasy pronunciations, there was an article in, like, a dungeon or a dragon magazine, like, way back when where they went through all of the monster names.
[00:06:09] Speaker F: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Dungeon or dragons?
[00:06:13] Speaker C: Yeah, there were two different magazines that wizards actually Paizo actually put out for wizards of the coast. Way back in the day.
[00:06:19] Speaker F: I thought it was a game where, like, you're in a dark room and you have to figure out if it's a dungeon or inside of a dragon.
[00:06:24] Speaker C: That would be a different game.
You just invented a game, so trademark that shit. Get it out there.
[00:06:30] Speaker B: I'm pretty sure some of that has something to do with the game.
[00:06:33] Speaker C: Consentical, but could be. What is that? No, don't ask that question.
[00:06:38] Speaker A: No.
[00:06:39] Speaker B: It's a matchmaking card game where you and another entity are attempting to get it on and have fun. And you don't speak the same language, so you can't verbally communicate what you're into as dictated by your hand. And there are things like tentacle play and vore, but also things like cuddling and kissing.
[00:06:59] Speaker E: This sounds fun.
[00:07:02] Speaker C: So anyway, this dungeon ore dragon magazine, pronunciations for monsters. So all of the monster names that you've read but never heard, they were in there. And there's actually, you can find it online, which is why I know that the flying vampire he had things are supposed to be var. Guilty.
[00:07:19] Speaker A: Oh, oh, that's right.
[00:07:21] Speaker C: Cause there's a pronunciation guide. You can find it. Now, that being said, that was years ago. It's very specifically monsters. So a continuing living directory of fantasy names that have come out in different books would be very appreciated.
[00:07:35] Speaker A: You all met Haleka Shadeborn. H a l l e K A. Does that sound close enough?
[00:07:43] Speaker B: I think so. Sure.
[00:07:45] Speaker A: And he told you he was a Nadali's diplomat and he was looking to hire you to guard him on his trip to Ravnul at the same time.
[00:08:00] Speaker C: Did he talk to us about that?
[00:08:01] Speaker A: He did talk to you about. Well, he didn't talk to all of you about that. He talked to, I'm gonna say, brianna and Saraya about that because twin Talon was off talking to knife sword on a beach about life, liberty and the pursuit of goblin Hood. And u followed Jerlila, a cleric, to the he the temple of Sarenrae where Jer Lila was healing up the people who were extremely hurt from the attack on Cypress point by the scarlet triad. When ooh's advances were rebuffed, she left very upset, only to encounter a.
An errand boy that told her that there was a tent set aside for her where we had to fade to black.
[00:08:56] Speaker B: What I think it was described as diving headfirst into a pile of bodies.
[00:09:00] Speaker D: Oh, yes.
[00:09:01] Speaker C: So now that I think about it, like apple bottom and peaches, like, there's a lot of fruit involved in our descriptions of people's sexual encounters.
[00:09:10] Speaker A: Apple bottom jeans with the boots with the right.
[00:09:15] Speaker C: I see people horning for fruit. I guess my takeaway from that, there are some people that are like, fucking fruit. They force the rest of us into this cult that we're in now.
[00:09:24] Speaker B: Hi. What has Matt been drinking this morning?
[00:09:27] Speaker E: Orange.
Oh, no.
[00:09:34] Speaker B: He'S just looking at his glass now, like, hmm.
[00:09:38] Speaker E: Don't worry about it.
[00:09:40] Speaker B: It's fine.
[00:09:42] Speaker E: You're welcome, I guess.
[00:09:45] Speaker A: Hi, grandma.
[00:09:47] Speaker B: Hi, grandma.
[00:09:48] Speaker C: Hi, grandma.
[00:09:50] Speaker A: So that's where we left off. So we're going to wake up the next morning. Some people are hungover from drinking. Some people are emotionally hungover from pouring their souls out. Some people are just, you know, physically spent and wakes up on a pile of flesh as they probably just fell asleep in their tent.
[00:10:17] Speaker B: I mean, ooh, forgot to turn her swag off. Woke up covered in bitches.
[00:10:26] Speaker A: Yeah. So as you all wake up in your various locations around Cypress Point, you are all greeted with a warm breakfast hosted by the town again and innkeeper that has given you run of the inn that you are the only residence of is down at the bar when you wake up. And they have eggs and bacon and porridge and orange juice all. All set up for you with griddle cakes being made. It's a lavish breakfast as you all eat, as halaka shows up, knocks on the door, and the innkeeper waves them in. He sits down and says, have you any thoughts on my offer from last night? As he looks at Saraya and Brienne.
[00:11:17] Speaker C: Twintown's gonna look at who? At Sarah and Brianna, and look at this guy. Just. Just wondering what kind of offer he made.
[00:11:24] Speaker D: I don't know.
[00:11:25] Speaker E: So this gentleman has offered to.
[00:11:31] Speaker A: Pay.
[00:11:32] Speaker E: Us handsomely if we take them to their intended destination, which haya does not remember where it is.
[00:11:40] Speaker A: Rob Newell.
[00:11:41] Speaker E: Thank you.
This gentleman has offered to pay us to escort him to Ravnul.
He is an ambassador of some kind here on important business.
[00:11:57] Speaker A: Yes, I am a representative of the umbral court in Nidal. I was on my way to Contago to speak with the city's ruling silver council when I was captured here. I'm worried that the trip to Ravnul will be more dangerous than initially expected because of what has transpired here.
I would love to have you as companions and bodyguards to defend me on the way on that trip. And the whole time he's doing this, he's rubbing his finger along his jawline.
Yeah. So you guys made some. Some checks last time. I'm not sure if you remember, but. Nope, none of it was. It wasn't a magical, like, thing or any, like, suggestive thing. You didn't detect any magic on it? You couldn't tell if he was trying to cast anything? It looks more like of a nervous twitch or a.
Like an unconscious movement that he's making.
[00:12:58] Speaker C: See, I just figured he was fingering the edges of his skin mask.
Yeah, I mean, obviously his fake face. Washington? Unconsciously.
[00:13:06] Speaker B: Yeah. With all the festivities, we haven't had time to discuss it with the rest of our group, but I'm sure we can have an answer for you by the end of the day.
[00:13:16] Speaker A: Excellent. I'm planning on leaving as soon as possible to make my way there, as I need to speak with the silver court as quickly as possible to try and solidify our assistance, potential assistance, with them.
[00:13:38] Speaker C: So, um, Ravenel is a big place. Where are you trying to go?
[00:13:44] Speaker A: Uh, contago.
[00:13:47] Speaker C: And what do we know about the umbral court or the silver council or whatever?
[00:13:52] Speaker A: That is a very good question. Would everyone like to make a society roll, please?
[00:14:01] Speaker B: Ooh, 30.
[00:14:03] Speaker C: I rolled a two for an 1827.
[00:14:06] Speaker E: I rolled an 1816.
[00:14:09] Speaker A: Okay, basic information, let's start here. Nidal is one of the oldest surviving nations of Avistan, having been founded during the early years of the age of darkness, nearly 10,000 years ago due to an ancient pact made out of desperate necessity. It has been controlled throughout its entire recorded history by followers of a single deity, Zaun Couthon. It is a shadowy land of furtive whispers ruled by the immortal black troon, whose populace is closely watched by the clergy of the darkest. Least they stray from his heinous teachings. Anyone who rolled higher than a 15 will know that that's just basic nidal knowledge.
[00:14:59] Speaker C: Okay, and just to step back, Zon Kuthon is an evil deity. Correct?
[00:15:06] Speaker A: So, Zon Kuthon is known as the midnight Lord, the dark prince, the prince of pain.
Alignments that cleric alignments that worship him are lawful neutral lawful evil and neutral evil. Worshippers are generally sadists and masochists. Areas of concern are envy, pain, darkness and loss. The domains that he generally controls are darkness, death, destruction, evil and law. And again, that's kind of general knowledge. So, Saraya, you know, a bit more.
You know that Nidal regained its independence from Cheliax after the cellist civil war. That was roughly in 4606 Ar after reckoning. Just so you know, we are currently in the game in 4719.
[00:16:01] Speaker C: A little over 100 years ago.
[00:16:02] Speaker A: Yeah. And in real life, the current year is 4721.
[00:16:08] Speaker C: I think you'll find the real year is 2021.
[00:16:10] Speaker A: 2021 equals 4721 in the Pathfinder galarian calendar. Also, again, Saraya, you know, a little bit more. So, the umbral court. Very few Kuthites have been gifted by their God to be members of the ruling umbral court, but many more operate as umbral court agents, like this gentleman, on behalf of the government, both at home and abroad. These agents live quite openly in cities and work as consuls or diplomats.
Well, some work as spies or agent provocateurs who root out heresy and seek to purify the nation. Those who work outside of Nadal generally insulate themselves into positions of power where they can subtly steer policies in favor of their home country and glorify their patron gods. You also know that Nadal still has close ties with the nation of Cheliaks and tends to send magically trained users named shadow casters to support the infernal regime. And those are called the midnight guard. Is there anything else you would like to know?
[00:17:24] Speaker B: Christine, is there anything we want to know? Guys.
[00:17:27] Speaker C: So, I mean, they don't seem like they're good.
[00:17:30] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:17:31] Speaker B: So the guy that's asking us for the escort is coming from a different country to ally himself with Nadal?
[00:17:39] Speaker C: No, he's from Nadal, and he wants. And he wants to go to revenue, okay. To do whatever he wants to do there.
[00:17:48] Speaker B: Seems like insinuate himself into a position of.
[00:17:52] Speaker A: Well, he's very forthcoming with you, or appears to be very forthcoming with you, and it's like we're just trying to open trade negotiations to support each other, you know? Everyone, give me one more society role, please. Getting heavy into lore in this episode.
[00:18:07] Speaker B: Oh, yeah.
[00:18:08] Speaker C: All right, so this time I got a 23.
[00:18:11] Speaker B: 27.
[00:18:12] Speaker A: Okay, 14, not great.
[00:18:16] Speaker F: Uh, 22. But. I don't know, given my upgrading, I don't think I know this.
[00:18:22] Speaker C: This might be, like, the one piece of knowledge, you know, like, you've never heard of a doll before, but you're pretty sure you know this. Like, there's no context to you, but you might have that information, so.
[00:18:30] Speaker A: Ooh. You know, Rav Newell is also a chaotically evil city, so them working together, not. Not strange. It is.
[00:18:39] Speaker C: Now, hold on, sorry, hold on.
[00:18:41] Speaker A: For those of you who didn't roll a natural one.
[00:18:44] Speaker C: Sorry, I forgot that you rolled a natural one. I didn't mean to interrupt. I just was blown. I was like, I'm pretty sure there's a whole adventure path about this.
[00:18:50] Speaker B: Like. Wait a second.
[00:18:53] Speaker C: Sorry.
[00:18:54] Speaker A: It's okay. For those of you who didn't roll a natural one and roll above a 15, which is everyone.
Rav duel is a burgeoning confederation localized in the southwestern Avistan. Formerly the northernmost part of the archduchy of Cheliax. The archduchy of Ravenul seceded and became an independent country in 4717. Ravenule is a land of chaotic good. They have a confederation government. Main deities in the region are Desna and Shalen, you know, it's a. It's a travel. It's a port city.
[00:19:34] Speaker C: Mm hmm.
[00:19:35] Speaker A: So travels, you know, luck. All of that is important here.
[00:19:39] Speaker C: Yeah, no, I get that Shalen and Desna, for a chaotic good city, would be important.
[00:19:45] Speaker A: So, you know that it is very.
It would be interesting to have Nadal and Rav Noel.
[00:19:53] Speaker B: Yeah. The diametric opposites in trade negotiations.
[00:19:57] Speaker A: But again, yeah.
[00:19:59] Speaker C: So. But I do think it's interesting that these two. The lawful evil country of sadomasochism, which I do find interesting that sadists and masochists worship the same deity, which I think is good, actually, you know, pair off, and. And the chaotic good country being trade partner is certainly interesting.
[00:20:23] Speaker B: Yeah, that's gonna be a fun little cultural flash.
[00:20:26] Speaker C: We'll take you just to watch. Just to watch the negotiation.
[00:20:30] Speaker B: Yeah. Right. Can we just. Can I be a fly on that wall? What do we like with. With that knowledge? Like, what. What does Contago offer Nadal?
[00:20:41] Speaker A: Brianna, you kind. You sense that there's a little bit more that he isn't telling you, and perhaps if you chat with them a little bit more, they might open up a little bit more to you.
[00:20:56] Speaker E: To me?
[00:20:58] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:20:58] Speaker E: Brianna will grab him by the collar.
[00:21:02] Speaker C: No, you are the strong hand that his stuck jar needs.
[00:21:09] Speaker E: Oh, my brain is not working. Okay.
Um. I'm not sure how to. How to broach this, honestly.
So may I perhaps ask what sort of diplomacy you engaged in while you were here, or if you had a chance to do so at all? I know that you were unfortunately, captured.
[00:21:33] Speaker A: This was merely my first stop on the road to Contago. I hadn't planned to spend more than a night here. Here.
[00:21:43] Speaker E: I see.
[00:21:44] Speaker A: When I was captured, I'm one of the most junior diplomats visiting the silver city, which is Contago.
I'm afraid that my delay here won't even be noticed by my superiors, but I intend to perform my duties to help negotiate trade the best as I can.
[00:22:16] Speaker E: Why would you say they wouldn't notice that? And I think you're being far too modest, sir, that you are a junior.
Unless, if it's simply in lack of experience or tenure in your position.
[00:22:31] Speaker A: It would be lack of tenure in my position.
Again, I'm one of the most junior members of my group, and this is. I feel it is important, obviously, to solidify trade negotiations, especially since both cities are fairly young in their independence, to set up negotiations between the two.
However, I.
Again, I'm very new or very young in my role, and where I got to go missing. It wouldn't be necessarily the worst thing, as someone else could fill my role fairly quickly.
[00:23:20] Speaker B: Is that a concern of yours? That you may go missing?
[00:23:24] Speaker A: Oh, no, no. I mean, this is a. Even though I'm a diplomat, it's still a dangerous job. The roads are obviously still held by bandits, and nidal is not.
You see, I'm kind of paused looking for the words the most well loved country.
We are known for our worship to our God, who is not the most loving God out there in some people's eyes, but he works well for us and has protected our city for ages.
[00:24:02] Speaker B: I am very curious in that regard. Specifically, there's such a cultural divide between Nidal and Rav Noor. I'm just very curious. How. What do they offer you? As for trade. What?
[00:24:18] Speaker A: I am one of several diplomats working to solidify our trade agreements and to establish a cultural exchange between the two nations.
[00:24:29] Speaker C: What is cultural exchange code for?
[00:24:34] Speaker A: My expertise is on.
My specific area of expertise is Velstreck relations.
I am somewhat of an expert on these ominous outsiders.
[00:24:47] Speaker C: What are Valstrech?
[00:24:48] Speaker A: Oh, Matt, I am so glad you asked.
[00:24:54] Speaker C: So Nadal and Contago are neighbors, by the way. I'm sorry? Nadal and Ravenel are neighbors. They are?
[00:25:03] Speaker B: You say they're neighbors?
[00:25:04] Speaker C: They are directly adjacent to one another.
[00:25:06] Speaker B: Okay, that makes sense.
[00:25:07] Speaker A: That's very different then a religion. Recall knowledge. Religion, please.
[00:25:13] Speaker B: All right.
[00:25:14] Speaker A: All right, soraya, what did you get?
[00:25:16] Speaker B: 31.
[00:25:17] Speaker A: Okay, higher.
[00:25:20] Speaker E: 16. Not sure. Oh, because I rolled a four. Okay. Yeah, a 16.
[00:25:25] Speaker A: Heidi?
[00:25:26] Speaker D: 20. Oh, sorry, I lied.
[00:25:28] Speaker A: 1818.
[00:25:29] Speaker C: Okay, Matt, which only got a 19 out of five.
[00:25:33] Speaker A: And knife, sword, 20 under duress.
Okay, Soraya, you are the only one who knows what these are. Velstrek are horrific, shadow dwelling fiends who seek ultimate sensation through self mutilation.
They transcend their stoic detachment only when inflicting pain and terror upon the their victims, practicing new forms of debasement and torture before turning their knives on themselves. Although Valstrex consider themselves beyond such limitations as morality or moral taboos, their victims know them as emotionless tormentors who inflict debased, sadistic suffering. They claim to seek perfection in thought, form and action, although they don't recognize any refinement that doesn't require the painful excision of the flesh or spirit. Vowel strikes manifest from the souls of masochistic or sadist mortals that are diverted into the shadowplane, then forged into the form that suit their vile predilections, ranging from the low ranking augurse to the aesthetic obsessed interlocutors. Some mortals refer to Vellstrix as kytans, a misattribution that the velstrichs tolerate with cold amusement. The term chitin denotes a master or virtuoso among their kind. And these fiends enjoy being labelled masters of their horrid paths to perfection through agony.
[00:27:18] Speaker C: So these are chain devils is what they used to be called, I believe. Well, that's what chitons were. So if. If chitons are like the elevated form of Vellstrex. So they're called.
[00:27:27] Speaker A: Yes. V e l S T R A.
[00:27:30] Speaker B: C. It seems like the description, that's like a. That's a misattribution. That's like something mortals call them. And they're like, ha, ha. We guess, but not really.
[00:27:37] Speaker C: Yeah, but that would be like calling every professor Doctor. And they're just like, well, technically not, but I'll take it, like, yeah, Doctor, Doctor.
[00:27:45] Speaker A: Doctor.
[00:27:46] Speaker F: Doctor. Doctor.
[00:27:47] Speaker C: Doctor, doctor. So, yeah, so that's the way I get. But anyway, so if they are chitons. If chitons are like the elevated form of a valstrech, then I believe that these were in the old, old school. The old people like me would know them as chain devils.
[00:28:01] Speaker B: I'm sorry, you what?
[00:28:03] Speaker A: With Velstrek.
I'm one of the leading people in Velstreck relations.
[00:28:11] Speaker B: What does that entail precisely?
[00:28:13] Speaker C: Twin Talon will waggle his eyebrows.
[00:28:15] Speaker B: She'll look back and just kind of, like, show him a dagger under the table.
Is that what you're into?
What do velvet relations entail? And why are we bringing them over to Rabbull?
[00:28:31] Speaker A: Give me a society.
Everyone can give me a society role if you would like.
[00:28:36] Speaker B: I mean, she also is just asking him straight out like, no, I know, 32. Apparently, Saraya is much more of a morning person than Christine is because she's rocking all these checks.
[00:28:47] Speaker A: All right, Christine, what did you get?
[00:28:49] Speaker B: 32.
[00:28:49] Speaker A: Heidi?
[00:28:50] Speaker D: 25.
[00:28:51] Speaker C: Matt, 23.
[00:28:53] Speaker A: Rob?
[00:28:54] Speaker F: Lucky 13.
[00:28:55] Speaker A: Okay. And hyah.
[00:28:57] Speaker E: 16 again.
[00:28:58] Speaker A: Okay, so as you are all looking at him, he has elven like features, but after talking with him for so long, you all realize that he's definitely not an elf, especially soraya. But he is what's known as a bitch.
[00:29:21] Speaker B: Loud.
[00:29:22] Speaker A: Kyle. These are Kael. He is a Kael, also known as a fetchling.
[00:29:29] Speaker F: I need coffee, stat. Go fetch it.
[00:29:32] Speaker C: These are, like, from people that were born on the plane of shadow, I believe.
[00:29:35] Speaker A: Yep.
These people, known today as fetchlings, are distinct ancestry descended from generations of humans who became trapped ages ago on the shadow plane. So being a Kyle or fetchling, you would know that he is from the shadow plane. And these velstrecks are also creatures of the shadow plane. So his ancestry gives him unique knowledge to communicate with them on the shadow plane and have. Has potentially helped him negotiate things like, hey, if you don't torture these people, you can use these people. So he's been an ambassador between Nadal and the Vellstreks, which is why he is one of the leading experts in velstreck relief.
[00:30:32] Speaker B: Huh. So it's your goal. Ultimately, I would seem to ensure that velstrecks and those on the material plane interact safely and to as much benefit as possible for everyone.
[00:30:45] Speaker A: Correct.
There are people in Contago who might be hiding, as it once was, a part of Cheliaks, which, as I'm sure you all know, are demon worshippers. But there are still. I'm sure, quite sure there are people from in Contago who still secretly worship, who are being unfairly prostituted, prosecuted.
And my goal, as is the goal of Nadal, is to give those people a safe place to travel if they need it. Or rather than taking on calling these creatures from the shadow planes themselves in an unsafe manner, we were hoping that I could negotiate a safe place or a safe area where these things can happen for themselves and for the Valstrex and not be as dangerous for everyone involved.
[00:31:50] Speaker B: Interesting.
[00:31:51] Speaker C: So I don't know that I would agree with you, but if you're willing to pay us to take you to Contago, do you have a ship to get there?
[00:32:00] Speaker A: It is, yes.
You can travel either over land or by sea or whatever you would feel more comfortable doing. It is about a three day journey.
I have all of the arrangements made by Nidal with the mayor of this town to provide us with whatever we would need if we decide to go over land. It's three days. It's also three days by boat. We have a wagon that can lead us or that can take us, and everything has already been paid for and taken care of.
[00:32:31] Speaker C: Well, I happen to know a ship captain, if you are interested in hiring a ship.
[00:32:37] Speaker A: Um, again, Nadal court will take care of all payments required, but, yes, absolutely. All right. If that's what you're more comfortable with.
[00:32:45] Speaker D: U is smiling from ear to ear because she knows that they're talking about her.
[00:32:51] Speaker C: And Twintalm will kind of shift his gaze down to be like, captain.
[00:32:55] Speaker D: Captain.
[00:32:56] Speaker A: That's me.
[00:32:57] Speaker D: That's me.
[00:32:57] Speaker B: I'm the captain.
[00:33:01] Speaker A: Okay, so you are going to accompany and guard him on the trip to Kentarco? Is that what. I'm just making sure.
[00:33:09] Speaker C: I mean, we're going there anyway, right?
[00:33:11] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:33:12] Speaker C: Great. So let's have this. This fucking devil worshipping asshole to pay us. To take us there.
[00:33:18] Speaker B: Yeah. Just in case. Because I know, I know. I didn't actually relate in the scene. Like, once he leaves to get everything ready, she's like, so do you know what vill strike are like? This is what he's trying to do. I mean, they can make.
[00:33:29] Speaker D: I'll be honest, I guess. But it was one of those situations where I felt like adults were talking. I'm not really sure what was happening over there because I don't know what was going on. My roles were real low.
[00:33:42] Speaker C: Basically.
[00:33:43] Speaker B: Yes. He's trying to set up diplomatic relations to allow them to have people who used to live in the demon worshipping country, who now live in the non demon worshipping country, to have their own space to do that as theoretically, safely as possible. But these are literal demons of pain and destruction and torture. And.
[00:34:00] Speaker F: Can you all keep it down? Some of us are trying to sleep in these backpacks.
[00:34:03] Speaker B: Five swords.
[00:34:04] Speaker C: Sorry, buddy.
[00:34:05] Speaker B: Jasper opens the backpack and looks in. He's in his weird human elf form. Good morning.
Yes.
[00:34:15] Speaker C: Yeah, so basically, he's like, people are gonna do crime anyway. Let's give him a safe place to do crime.
That's what he wants, so I hope he doesn't succeed.
[00:34:26] Speaker B: But anyway, I mean, I can't really see them wanting to do that.
[00:34:31] Speaker C: I don't know. Maybe he will offer something that they will make a concession for. But the. The practical answer to his question is, would we like to get paid to go to a place that we're going to anyway? Sure. Why not?
[00:34:45] Speaker B: Yes. That's. That's ultimately the way I see it.
[00:34:47] Speaker D: But then we drop him off in a dark alley and then we kill him, right?
[00:34:51] Speaker C: What? No.
[00:34:52] Speaker B: Um. I don't know that I would want to murder a diplomat.
[00:34:56] Speaker D: Well, that's not our problem if he's dead.
[00:34:58] Speaker B: Um, the people.
[00:34:59] Speaker C: It's our problem that we made him that way.
[00:35:01] Speaker B: Yes. Then the people who sent him will probably see that as a problem.
[00:35:04] Speaker C: Not that they're paying attention, according to him, but.
[00:35:06] Speaker D: Exactly.
[00:35:08] Speaker C: But that's not an advocation of murder. Just saying. I think no one would notice.
[00:35:12] Speaker B: And if the Welsh Reichs certainly start to, you know, not have anyone up to deal with and start coming after them directly, I'm sure they will have an issue.
[00:35:19] Speaker C: But in any case, I say we take the contract. We just do what we're paid to do. Nothing more, nothing less. We're going there anyway. We have to go see someone at the. I've already forgotten what it is. Sun import something.
[00:35:31] Speaker A: Sunset.
[00:35:31] Speaker C: Sunset.
[00:35:31] Speaker A: Sunset import.
[00:35:32] Speaker C: We're going to sunset imports anyway, so.
[00:35:34] Speaker B: Might as well get paid to take the travel.
[00:35:36] Speaker A: And as you are all packing up to take your newly acquired boat over to Contago, there is another knock at the front door of the inn.
[00:35:50] Speaker C: We don't live here. It's a public space. Maybe you should come inside.
[00:35:55] Speaker A: Jer Leela opens the door. I just wanted to make sure everything was. Was up to your standards and you had a once. The Scarlet triad have left a pleasant time here at. In Cypress point.
[00:36:11] Speaker D: Ooh runs up you back for me?
[00:36:15] Speaker A: No, but I do have a gift for everyone.
And she plunks down a very heavy looking bag.
This is merely a thanks from the entire town for all of the help that you have given us over the past day and saving the entire town from becoming slaves.
[00:36:39] Speaker F: Five gold says it's a body.
[00:36:40] Speaker C: I don't think it's a body. I'll take your bet.
[00:36:43] Speaker A: And she plops the small coin purse down on the table for you.
[00:36:51] Speaker C: That's when Solomon says it's certainly not necessary, as he takes the coin purse and puts it in the bag of holding.
[00:36:56] Speaker A: As you look into the bag, you notice.
Wow, there's no way to say this. She gives you 1200 gold.
[00:37:06] Speaker C: All right, I will file that with the rest of the gold in the bag of holding.
[00:37:10] Speaker A: Also, now that everything is cleared up here, we can take care of this off air, but you are more than welcome to buy whatever you would like here. This is a level a, level three town.
[00:37:30] Speaker B: What's the rarity of items that we.
[00:37:32] Speaker A: Can find here, so common and uncommon of up to level three. If you need to buy, like, armor kits or anything like that, do that. But we can take care of that a little later if you would like. Yeah, it's a third level settlement, so.
And with that, you all head to ooh's new boat also. So this is a very important question, Heidi.
[00:38:00] Speaker D: Yes.
[00:38:01] Speaker A: In your preparations to leave, Jerlila has offered to rechristen and name the boat for you. What is the name of your new boat? Oh, no.
[00:38:16] Speaker C: I'm gonna guess. I'm gonna guess. It's something like the mermaid's tits or something like that.
[00:38:24] Speaker D: Coined. That's it.
[00:38:26] Speaker A: Mermaids tits.
[00:38:27] Speaker D: Yes.
[00:38:28] Speaker A: All right.
So they hold a rechristening ceremony for your new boat, the mermaid's tit dunzo.
[00:38:39] Speaker B: Now, is the masthead just like your typical mermaid. But, like, with only one shell boob. Like, with one half of the shell bra and the other tit is out.
[00:38:47] Speaker D: No, man, she's titties out and her face is a tit.
[00:38:49] Speaker C: It's a whole.
[00:38:50] Speaker D: Just a big old boob.
[00:38:54] Speaker B: The masthead is just a pair of boobs. It's just.
[00:39:03] Speaker A: So we're going to go into something that we haven't really done a lot of, and that is downtime.
[00:39:11] Speaker C: Downtime on a boat.
[00:39:12] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:39:12] Speaker B: Three days is still not a lot, though. A lot of downtime actions take. Or at least crafting.
[00:39:16] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. You also need, like, crafting place.
[00:39:20] Speaker B: Yeah, I think I technically have a portable.
[00:39:21] Speaker C: I thought that was the one that was like, seven bulk was the one you needed to actually craft things.
[00:39:25] Speaker A: Since you can outfit this boat, and I'm gonna kind of get you a boat drawing and how you can. Oh, rod, you guys dream for it. You can kind of out boat.
Um. You guys can outfit it with whole bunch of things, right? Like, you have a boat now. You could put a alchemy crafting station in there.
[00:39:47] Speaker D: Whoa, whoa. You gotta ask me first. This is my boat. Well, I am the cat.
[00:39:52] Speaker A: Well, that's what I.
[00:39:53] Speaker B: Look at me.
[00:39:54] Speaker A: Look.
So in, you know, before you leave, you can have things set up there. So you have some downtime.
You have three. Three days of downtime. One of the things you can do in this downtime is speak with the diplomat. You can craft, you can create forgeries.
You can.
[00:40:25] Speaker F: I'm sorry, just like you're. Like, you can craft, you can hunt, you can make forgeries, you can do crime.
[00:40:34] Speaker B: I just imagine I started forging, like, a permit for the backpack.
[00:40:43] Speaker A: Yeah. So you can also, like, if anyone had a disease, you could treat the disease. You can train an animal to do certain actions.
[00:40:51] Speaker D: Do you guys still have those?
[00:40:53] Speaker A: What?
[00:40:53] Speaker D: Worg.
[00:40:54] Speaker C: Yeah, they're back at home.
[00:40:56] Speaker D: Puppy things. Oh, okay.
[00:40:58] Speaker B: I think they were still puppies, so they weren't. They weren't even technically juvenile animal companions.
[00:41:03] Speaker C: And the wheel of animal companions didn't land on warg for me, so I got pterodactyl in step.
[00:41:08] Speaker A: So again, just so you know, this is oath day, the 26th of Rova 4719, when you start your journey.
[00:41:18] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:41:18] Speaker A: So, Christine, is there anything you want to do specifically in this downtime?
[00:41:24] Speaker B: I am looking at a couple things before I answer.
[00:41:28] Speaker A: Okay. Heidi.
[00:41:31] Speaker D: Who's gonna try to shoot her shot at Saraya?
[00:41:35] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:41:36] Speaker D: While she's working. Hey, girl.
[00:41:38] Speaker B: Oh, hey.
[00:41:40] Speaker C: I mean, Twintellen doesn't craft. There's not really a lot of downtime actions that I don't know what he would do. I'm not inspired enough to think of anything to train the pterodactyl to do that she wouldn't already be able to do. So I think Tun Tao is just gonna generally, you know, just keep watch, make sure nobody's sneaking up on us, hanging out. He probably does spend a lot of time hanging out in the crow's neth with Taysani. Not so much training. It's just hanging out fish. Or having her go fish to bring them fish.
[00:42:11] Speaker A: Knife, sword.
[00:42:12] Speaker F: Rob, um, I'm gonna try to learn a new spell.
[00:42:18] Speaker A: Yes, you can do that, but as.
[00:42:20] Speaker F: A sorcerer, I can't really.
[00:42:21] Speaker A: Wait.
[00:42:22] Speaker F: What? I don't get my spells from learning them.
[00:42:24] Speaker A: Oh, that's true.
[00:42:25] Speaker F: But I'm gonna attempt to learn one.
[00:42:27] Speaker A: Ah, yeah, I'm gonna.
[00:42:29] Speaker F: I'm gonna attempt to learn a spell because I want to figure out a way to make a bag of holding livable. All right.
[00:42:33] Speaker B: I'm just imagining him, like, flipping through Saraya's, like, formula book because she insists what she does is magic.
[00:42:40] Speaker F: Yeah, exactly what I'm doing.
[00:42:45] Speaker A: All right. Is anyone going to speak with the diplomat, or are you just going to kind of let him sit quietly on his own?
[00:42:54] Speaker B: I mean, I think even crafting, like, even though it takes a while, it's not like an all day, everyday thing.
[00:42:59] Speaker C: We're not. I don't think we're giving him the cold shoulder.
[00:43:02] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:43:03] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:43:03] Speaker C: He wants to talk to us. He can talk to us. So I was looking over the downtime activity. I guess one of them is subsist, which is to gain food. So I guess that is what Twintalon is actually doing.
[00:43:13] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:43:13] Speaker C: Yeah. So I'll be basically providing food.
[00:43:16] Speaker A: All right. So, Saraya, while you're kind of working on crafting things, you kind of look at Halak, and he's very quiet, very to himself, and you kind of look, and you're putting. Since you've lived alone for so long, you're kind of looking at him, and you're like. You realize he probably has no friends, like, in general.
And when, like, he gets to contago, he's under a lot of pressure. I know he's, like, not the, like, coolest dude in the world, but if you spent some time, like, if you checked in on him once, you got to contago every now and then, he probably would appreciate it, and it could help, you know, you get stuff later or, you know, if you need something, and he's talking to the leaders of the city. He might be able to, you know, help you out.
[00:44:11] Speaker B: Okay. So she'll probably. Yeah, like, make. Try to make conversation with him, like, over meal times, and, like, be a little buddy ish as much as she knows how to do, because she is also very used to being alone.
[00:44:22] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:44:22] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:44:23] Speaker A: As you chat with him, you know, he kind of perks up a little bit. His genuine gloomy demeanor kind of starts to. To fall away a little bit, and. And you learn that he is actually a cleric, and although he lets you know that he can't really, like, neglect his duties, if you needed anything from him, such as healing or something like that, he'd be willing to set aside some. Some of his healing ability each day in case you needed it. Mechanically, he is a fifth level cleric of Zon Kuthon, and he is willing to set aside one third level heal spell. Cool. Two second level heal spells. And three first level heal spells for you guys.
[00:45:13] Speaker B: Oh, thank you. Very, very happy to see this. As much as, you know, we're here to help take care of you. You're willing to help take care of us.
[00:45:21] Speaker A: I've never been much for the sword or. Or any weaponry, but my God does bless me with some ability to take care of those. There's also a very large misconception that, despite being, pain is good to learn from, but you also must continue to live.
[00:45:40] Speaker B: You have to survive it to learn that pain.
[00:45:43] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:45:44] Speaker B: Fascinating.
[00:45:45] Speaker A: Right? Ooh, shoot that shot.
[00:45:48] Speaker D: All right, I've got pickup lines here. Hang on.
Hey, girl. I heard chemist dude on the table periodically.
[00:46:01] Speaker C: Sploosh.
[00:46:05] Speaker B: I just need to know, like, when is when and how is this happening? Like, I need to know, like, background here.
[00:46:10] Speaker C: Just like this. She walks up and says it.
[00:46:14] Speaker D: I guess you're, like, in the middle of this conversation with this guy.
[00:46:19] Speaker B: Just, like, leaning over at the dinner table. Just like, hey, Gary.
[00:46:22] Speaker C: In between the two of you. Slides in between.
[00:46:27] Speaker D: Just gets right in there.
[00:46:29] Speaker A: Just.
[00:46:29] Speaker D: No shame. Just, like, gets right in there.
Hey, baby.
With a little more alcohol catalyzed, this reaction.
[00:46:43] Speaker B: Is. Ooh. Just reading off a list. Like, is that what's happening?
[00:46:47] Speaker D: Yes.
I got one more. One more. I must be a diamond because you gave me a hardness of tan.
The end. Okay.
[00:47:02] Speaker B: Is that just, like.
[00:47:02] Speaker A: Is it.
[00:47:05] Speaker B: Just, like, staring expectantly now? Like.
[00:47:09] Speaker D: You want to have a party?
[00:47:11] Speaker B: A party drink.
[00:47:12] Speaker D: Bailey's out of a boot.
[00:47:13] Speaker B: A shoe.
[00:47:17] Speaker C: You a fish, man? What is going on?
[00:47:19] Speaker B: Yeah, like, are you actually old? Greg? I'm very confused.
[00:47:24] Speaker D: Who's that?
[00:47:25] Speaker B: He drinks Bailey from a shoe.
I assumed you learned it from him.
[00:47:32] Speaker D: Oh, my uncle. Yes, yes.
[00:47:34] Speaker B: Oh, oh. All right, all right.
[00:47:37] Speaker D: Hey, girl, you want to have a fun time in the captain's quarters? She raises her eyebrows at her several times. Yeah, yeah, I am.
[00:47:48] Speaker B: It's been some time since I had a companion, but I'm not opposed.
You can, like, see in her face, like, am I doing this right?
[00:48:01] Speaker D: Don't worry, baby. I'll take care of you. She just grabs Saraya's hand, brings her.
[00:48:05] Speaker B: Oh, I just imagine I got, like. It just got, like, scooped up, like, just being carried.
[00:48:10] Speaker D: And that's the way it goes. Just come here, baby.
[00:48:14] Speaker A: And with that, we're going to fade to last.
[00:48:16] Speaker C: Go back to the table. So as the. As the priest of Zon Kuthon watches them go away.
[00:48:21] Speaker D: Oh, wait, wait, wait. I have something. Wait. I don't have any pickup lines for him, but I could. I could say something like, hey, you want to. You want to have a. Have a time, too? We can. We can have a little threesome right here. It could be a really great time. You want to.
[00:48:34] Speaker A: His normal pale cheeks flush red, and he's like, um, no, thank you.
My, my God. You see him kind of searching.
[00:48:47] Speaker D: It's all right, baby. You don't have to anymore.
[00:48:49] Speaker A: Chased. My, my, my God.
Zankou thon makes. Makes us take a vow of celibacy. Yes, celibacy.
So I appreciate the offer, but I cannot partake.
[00:49:11] Speaker B: It's all right. We understand. You've said enough.
[00:49:13] Speaker D: That's a shame, because you're just my type. And she just starts, like, walking away.
[00:49:20] Speaker A: So the soundtrack from my bodyguard starts playing.
[00:49:24] Speaker C: I think you mean the bodyguard. The bodyguard, yeah. So as they walk away, Twintalon is going to look at the priest of Zonkuthan, and he's gonna say, you know, a mohs scale picked up line is hard to pass up. And then he's gonna pick up two clams from their. From their lunch, and he's just gonna kind of tap them together, like, locking.
[00:49:48] Speaker A: Eyes with this guy fading to black here.
[00:49:53] Speaker B: And the twin Talon is shooting his shot.
[00:49:57] Speaker C: No, no, he's just doing his best to make.
[00:50:02] Speaker A: So with that fade to black, three days pass, you don't see ooh. Or Saraya for those three days.
[00:50:11] Speaker D: Wow. I am amazing.
[00:50:13] Speaker C: They are dehydrated.
[00:50:17] Speaker B: No, Jasper. Just periodically, like, comes in and out different.
[00:50:22] Speaker D: Who's driving this ship right now, I'm assuming.
[00:50:26] Speaker B: Oh, no, we're never getting.
[00:50:32] Speaker A: I keep trying to turn the wheel.
[00:50:34] Speaker F: But the wheel turns me.
[00:50:37] Speaker C: No, what's happened is twintallon has installed a smaller wheel next to the big wheel. It's not attached to anything like he and nice work. Compile it together like you have. Like with a kid has his own little steering wheel in the car kind of thing.
[00:50:50] Speaker A: You see the Indiana Jones map appear and you've done like two loop de loops to get to where you need to go. Because like Rob said, knife sword spins with the wheel.
It just. You've made this, like, concentric circle until you reach the Jesus. So you've made it to the Silver City, and we will pick that up next.
[00:51:18] Speaker C: Good place to stop.
[00:51:19] Speaker B: Wow. I hope you enjoyed this role play episode, everybody.
[00:51:24] Speaker C: Is this what you've been asking for? Is this what you wanted?
[00:51:32] Speaker A: Thank you for listening to the Crack Die podcast. Background sound effects provided by Sirenscape because Epic Games deserve Epic music. Please visit
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