[00:00:38] Speaker A: Hello everyone and welcome back for another episode of the Crack Die podcast. My name is Matt. I play twin Talon on the show, although this episode and last I am playing Daalak the Blind Fire Oracle and feisty 800 year old. Now, as much as I love Twintalen, it is always fun playing different characters, playing different classes, getting to try new things, but don't fear you will see the regular characters again. Probably just a reminder that next weekend, October 23, is the next episode of Absalom and Order, which is our Twitch show at Twitch TV? Crackeddie or crackedy if you can't remember the spelling. The Edgewatch agents have finally gotten out of the undercity and next weekend we'll get to see what each of them thinks is going on in the city. In the case that they are investigating. I'm very excited to see how wrong they all are or how right it could happen.
[00:01:42] Speaker B: I'm sure someone will figure out something right.
[00:01:44] Speaker A: The players are smart characters. We'll see. Additionally, if you'd like to support either show, you can do so by going to patreon.com crackdypodcast. Currently there are two tiers which you can pledge $2 and $5, but we have some more tiers coming up. If you pledge at $5 or above, you'll get to submit your own crit card, either hit or miss for use on both of the shows. So without further ado, let's get into the show. Oh, right, what happened? So last episode we ended with Fennel, Rob's character getting crit hit and then failing an all important fortitude save. As we know these things carry blight poison. Will Fennel survive this episode? Will Rob have to bring knife sword in halfway through? Well, only one way to find out. Episode 100 B of the Crack Die podcast Da Art of storytelling part two.
[00:02:41] Speaker C: Natural. 20 for a 32. That's another critical hit.
36 points of damage.
And I need you to make an all important fortitude save that is a fail. Would you like to use your hero point?
[00:02:59] Speaker D: Yep.
[00:03:00] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:03:01] Speaker D: Haha.
I'll see your 20 and I'll raise you 20.
[00:03:06] Speaker C: We're at 32. You're fine. And then one more beef at Nakasha.
[00:03:12] Speaker E: See what it does.
[00:03:14] Speaker C: 19 on the die for a 26. That'll hit for 21 points of damage. And you are.
[00:03:24] Speaker E: I mean, that's good at least.
[00:03:27] Speaker C: All right, next up is this.
[00:03:30] Speaker F: So is the bird like, what is the bird doing at this time?
[00:03:35] Speaker C: It just pecked all the people around it. But it is on its feet.
[00:03:39] Speaker F: It is on its feet. Okay, I guess I'll run up and swing. Nobody hits my family.
[00:03:44] Speaker C: All right, another sudden charge.
[00:03:47] Speaker F: I think sudden charge is, like, I can move twice and then hit once in two actions.
[00:03:52] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:03:52] Speaker B: Right?
[00:03:53] Speaker F: So I don't think I need to move twice. Cause isn't my speed, like, 20?
[00:03:57] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. Yeah, you can move. And then just regular strike. Yeah.
29 will hit. Oh, yeah, baby. Eight more points of damage, and I.
[00:04:10] Speaker F: Get so mad, I will swing again.
[00:04:12] Speaker G: Get em.
[00:04:13] Speaker C: 18 will miss. All right, always moving. Two swings.
[00:04:19] Speaker F: Yes.
[00:04:21] Speaker C: All right, Nakasha, more of the same.
[00:04:26] Speaker E: Let's keep whacking this thing.
All right. 25 looks like it hits.
[00:04:31] Speaker C: Yep, that's a hit.
[00:04:32] Speaker E: But it does 19 damage.
[00:04:34] Speaker C: All right, describe how you splatter this thing.
[00:04:37] Speaker E: Oh, she's just very annoyed that it has been, like, attempting to poison her and that she lost her breath trying to get it. So she just brings the fouchard down, like, right in between its eyes, and it's just like. And then she kicks it off the blade and.
[00:04:51] Speaker G: Sounds great. Spits on it.
[00:04:53] Speaker H: Good job, kids.
[00:04:55] Speaker G: Thanks, grandpa. Anybody hurt? Everybody okay?
[00:04:59] Speaker D: I took a little whang to the head.
[00:05:01] Speaker F: Yeah, I'm okay.
[00:05:03] Speaker H: Baby girl, would you like me to do surgery on your brain?
[00:05:06] Speaker G: Child, who are you asking?
[00:05:09] Speaker D: Quiet.
[00:05:10] Speaker G: Cousin, what is happening?
[00:05:12] Speaker E: I don't know.
Can I treat wounds on myself? I've never had this ability for you.
[00:05:19] Speaker D: I mean, yes, please, cousin. I was just, you know, heat a battle and all.
[00:05:23] Speaker G: Well, if you guys are handling yourselves, I'm gonna do the same since I got whacked pretty bad.
[00:05:29] Speaker C: As the day wears on, after taking some time to fully heal yourselves and you begin following the map again. After traveling another hour or so, you come upon a cave system.
You enter the cave and start to follow it down a winding hallway.
As you look at the walls, you notice marks as if Picts carved out this cave.
As you turn a corner, you see a red creature with a long spear stabbing down and reveling in the pain it causes to a small group of bulbous creatures with goat like legs and horns lying on the ground.
[00:06:10] Speaker B: It's just like a weird demon thing killing bulbous goat people who also don't look like. Yeah, they're kind of gross looking.
Yeah, look at their freaking teeth. They're mostly outside of their face. That's not where teeth go.
[00:06:26] Speaker E: No, that is not how teeth go.
[00:06:28] Speaker C: I don't know what you're talking about, but I think these people are beautiful in their own unique way.
[00:06:32] Speaker F: Don't teeth shame them?
[00:06:34] Speaker B: Yeah. My bad. That's on me.
[00:06:37] Speaker D: He's old.
[00:06:38] Speaker H: It was a different time in my day. We kept our teeth inside of our faces.
[00:06:42] Speaker C: You also notice that it is swelteringly hot. This room.
[00:06:46] Speaker B: There's lava.
[00:06:47] Speaker C: Like I said, it's swelteringly hot in this room.
[00:06:50] Speaker G: All right, well, that's not good. We should take care of that.
[00:06:55] Speaker H: What?
[00:06:56] Speaker G: Described to grandpa the scene before them.
[00:07:00] Speaker H: That sounds horrible.
[00:07:02] Speaker C: So you enter this room, seeing these creatures spearing these bulbous creatures on the ground.
[00:07:09] Speaker E: Should we. Should we separate them? Or just running, swinging?
[00:07:13] Speaker D: We could take off their heads and sell their innards. Well, what? No.
[00:07:19] Speaker G: No.
[00:07:20] Speaker D: Why not?
[00:07:21] Speaker G: No. What can I roll some form of lure to figure out what these creatures that they're attacking are like? Are they locals? What is happening?
[00:07:32] Speaker B: Either. Either side.
[00:07:33] Speaker C: Okay, so are you looking at the red creature or the bulbous creatures with the.
[00:07:39] Speaker G: The bulbous creatures with the teeth?
[00:07:42] Speaker C: Sure.
[00:07:43] Speaker G: I always want to defend the. The little guy, that is.
[00:07:46] Speaker C: All right, give me a religion role, please.
[00:07:49] Speaker G: I don't think I have that trained.
[00:07:52] Speaker C: Doesn't matter. You can still make knowledge checks. Untrained.
[00:07:55] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:07:56] Speaker D: You think legal lore will help me?
[00:07:59] Speaker G: Probably not. I'm guessing a ten gives me nothing.
[00:08:03] Speaker C: It does not give you anything. Didn't critically fail. You just don't know.
[00:08:08] Speaker B: Can I check to see if I know what the red creature is?
[00:08:11] Speaker C: The red creature? Yes, you may. That is also religion.
[00:08:16] Speaker B: I got a 29.
[00:08:17] Speaker C: You got a 29? That is what is called a babao. The babao is an assassin, a murderer, a sadist, certainly not unusual traits. Yet their penchant for stealth and surprise sets them apart from their kin. Ba baos are from mortal souls of lone killers who took pleasure in more personal murders, and particularly those with grisly patterns in their killings. This is a chaotic, evil medium. Demon fiend.
[00:08:52] Speaker H: Okay, from your description, it sounds like a ba bao.
[00:08:57] Speaker G: No, that's. That's the sound I make when I teleport.
[00:09:00] Speaker H: Grandpa, you're talking about bamfs. These are bao pals, also known as chitty bow bow chicka chica. Oh, yeah, they're bad fennel.
[00:09:11] Speaker C: You look, you recognize those goat like creatures as abracindalou. A b r I k a n d I l u. These are also known as wrecker demons. They despise beautiful things and do everything in their power to destroy both people and objects that might be regarded as such.
[00:09:34] Speaker F: So the big red guy is the first one, and the four little things around him are the second one?
[00:09:38] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:09:39] Speaker F: Okay, so we just let him kill them, right? We don't stop with them, they're bad. They're all bad. Anyway.
[00:09:45] Speaker D: Don't stop. Can't stop.
[00:09:46] Speaker G: I was gonna say, what are we doing here?
[00:09:51] Speaker E: Could these be the things that have brought about darkness?
[00:09:54] Speaker H: I don't know, but if they want to fight amongst themselves, I don't really see why we should interfere. Yeah, mop up the losers to prove that we're better.
[00:10:02] Speaker F: So are we peeking around a corner to see if there's any other entrances or exits in the area?
[00:10:07] Speaker C: Sure. You can peek around the corner. You see two pits of lava and a deep hole in the very back. In front of the hole, about 5ft away from it, you see a chest. Very ancient looking chest. Is anybody sneaking as you see that, you notice one of those wrecker demons gets stabbed and dies. The red creature appears to grow a little bit bigger. Oh.
[00:10:38] Speaker F: Oh, okay.
[00:10:38] Speaker E: We should kill the red thing.
[00:10:39] Speaker G: Oh, no.
Okay. Okay.
[00:10:43] Speaker F: Ready, set, go.
[00:10:46] Speaker G: I guess I could banff over there, but I would want to at least know that it's not trapped or guarded in any way before that.
[00:10:53] Speaker B: I mean, it might just be good to stealth as best you can over there to see if maybe you can get to it without them noticing you.
[00:10:59] Speaker G: All right? My Banff is loud anyway.
[00:11:01] Speaker C: All right. What is your stealth DC? That'd be your stealth skill plus ten.
[00:11:07] Speaker G: So I have a plus 14 to stealth.
[00:11:09] Speaker B: So 24.
[00:11:10] Speaker G: 24 is my dc?
[00:11:13] Speaker C: Yep.
So I'm making some secret rolls here. Give me a second.
[00:11:20] Speaker G: Do you do the stealth roll for me or is that just for perception?
[00:11:23] Speaker C: So basically, this is your stealth DC will be what anything that is trying to find you or see you is rolling against.
[00:11:33] Speaker G: Cool, cool, cool.
[00:11:34] Speaker C: So that 24 is what I'm trying to hit.
[00:11:40] Speaker G: Understood.
[00:11:41] Speaker C: I'm gonna say this one is distracted, so we'll give him a minus two. I'm super concerned about what we're doing.
[00:11:50] Speaker G: Yeah. Oh.
[00:11:56] Speaker C: And then let's do this minus one because he's more paying attention to. Stabbed. All right, well, as far as you know, you are completely hidden.
[00:12:09] Speaker G: Cool, cool, cool, cool. I'm gonna make my way over then.
[00:12:12] Speaker C: Wee before you that visual joke. Can I get everyone to roll initiative just so we have an order thinks? Yeah, just things are happening.
[00:12:26] Speaker G: Okay, sure. Can I roll with my stealth?
[00:12:30] Speaker C: Absolutely. Actually, I would insist you rolled your stealth.
[00:12:34] Speaker G: All right.
[00:12:35] Speaker E: Just for the record, I am the furthest thing from stealthy.
[00:12:38] Speaker C: Christine, what did you get?
[00:12:40] Speaker E: Nakasha has a 27 to her initiative.
[00:12:43] Speaker C: Haya, 29, heidi 23, Matt, 31, rob, 30.
And I'm just gonna roll some initiatives here, not that they really are paying attention to anything, but, you know, just in case. All right, Matt, you go first.
[00:13:07] Speaker B: I don't hear anything happening. Right.
[00:13:09] Speaker A: Because I can't see.
[00:13:11] Speaker B: I can't see past 30ft.
[00:13:12] Speaker C: Oh. Oh, that's right. You can't. I'm sorry.
[00:13:15] Speaker B: Beyond 30ft, everything is obscured to me in smoke.
[00:13:18] Speaker A: Basically, all I see is a wall.
[00:13:20] Speaker B: Of smoke at 30ft. So I think this thing. I can't. 35. Yeah. So this whole thing happening is beyond the scope of what I can see.
[00:13:29] Speaker C: I mean, you did hear something squeal as it was stabbed.
[00:13:33] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:13:34] Speaker B: And my granddaughter told me what the scene was, was one demon stabbing another demon. So I'm not really that concerned about it.
[00:13:40] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:13:41] Speaker B: So I'm just gonna delay until something happens.
[00:13:44] Speaker C: Delay? All right. Fennel.
[00:13:47] Speaker D: All right, I'm gonna look over there. I'm gonna hold my action until my sister finishes doing what she was planning on doing.
[00:13:56] Speaker C: Just so you all know, there is some smoke billowing out of the lava pits. Just so we're aware. That's what that swirling mass of smoke is.
[00:14:06] Speaker G: Wari, I'm a yeet over there.
[00:14:10] Speaker C: All right.
[00:14:11] Speaker G: Trying to avoid the lava. Well, I believe I can move. What was it?
[00:14:17] Speaker C: Oh, you're ridiculous.
[00:14:19] Speaker B: You're like, her speed is only 40.
[00:14:22] Speaker A: Before she does her magicy thing.
[00:14:25] Speaker C: Oh, yeah, sorry, 40. Only 40.
[00:14:29] Speaker G: So would it be feasible to say that for me to just get over there? I can use most, if not all, of my actions?
[00:14:36] Speaker C: Well, I will tell you that it is 60ft to the chest.
[00:14:41] Speaker G: So one and a half actions is what you're saying.
[00:14:45] Speaker C: So two actions.
[00:14:46] Speaker G: Cool. Those are my two actions.
[00:14:48] Speaker C: As you pull up in front of the chest, from out of the lava, it appears.
[00:14:55] Speaker G: Oh, no.
[00:14:55] Speaker C: You see a creature with goat holes.
[00:15:00] Speaker F: Like the things that are being stabbed.
[00:15:01] Speaker C: No, no.
[00:15:03] Speaker B: Different goatie boy.
[00:15:04] Speaker C: Different goaty boy. It is literally a goat headed creature with glowing red eyes and flaming hooves.
[00:15:12] Speaker G: But did it see me? Stealth on past is the important part.
[00:15:17] Speaker C: You actually see two of them, and one of them is going to come out of delay and move to you. Oh, no. Delay means it goes after, so.
[00:15:28] Speaker G: Uh huh.
[00:15:29] Speaker C: So you get to go first. You get one more action.
[00:15:32] Speaker G: I'm over the chest. Fuck it. All right, I made it this far.
[00:15:37] Speaker C: You go to open the chest and it is unlocked. You flip open the aging, cracked lid of the chest, and in it you see a scroll case.
[00:15:50] Speaker G: That's my turn?
[00:15:51] Speaker C: That is your turn.
Oh, boy. All right, so the creature sees you. Actually, Matt, you get to go first. If you would like to come off delay.
[00:16:03] Speaker B: Okay. Has anyone made any noise that something is happening?
[00:16:06] Speaker C: Nope, not yet.
[00:16:08] Speaker B: All right, I'm blind. I can't see, so.
[00:16:09] Speaker C: All right, do I see a reaction from the creatures?
[00:16:13] Speaker D: Did she just disappear from my perspective?
[00:16:15] Speaker C: No, she ran straight in. Like you can see shadowy form of her getting to the chest. And then you see these two shadowy forms coming out of the lava. And one of them seems like it's about to start moving towards this one. Looks like it's about to move. The one to the very north.
[00:16:31] Speaker D: They look similar to the three other ones, right?
[00:16:34] Speaker C: No, no, no. Glowing red eyes. An actual goat head. Human body and has hooves for hands and is holding a flaming sword.
[00:16:45] Speaker D: Can I just try an untrained religion thing to see if I recognize it?
[00:16:47] Speaker C: Absolutely.
[00:16:49] Speaker D: 20.
[00:16:49] Speaker C: This is what is known as a brimworc. B r I m o r a.
[00:16:54] Speaker D: K. Doesn't really seem like a good guy here at all.
[00:16:58] Speaker C: Chaotic evil demon fiend. It's about 3ft in height, so it's small.
And they're born from the souls of arsonists.
[00:17:07] Speaker D: All right, that's it. I'm gonna use suddenly charge.
[00:17:11] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:17:12] Speaker D: And I'm gonna try to get between my sister and the one that looks like it's coming after her. If I can get there.
[00:17:20] Speaker C: What's your speed? What's your speed? Your speed is 35. So you can go double double move sun charges. A double move. Right, so you can get all the way to it.
[00:17:32] Speaker D: All right.
[00:17:32] Speaker C: And attack.
[00:17:33] Speaker D: They're gonna do that? That's the plan. You stay away from her, you fiery ugly. What are you.
Oh, jeez.
[00:17:44] Speaker C: That is a miss.
[00:17:45] Speaker D: Just. I'm just totally thrown off by its ugliness.
[00:17:49] Speaker C: Yeah, it's just a regular miss.
[00:17:52] Speaker D: So ugly.
[00:17:53] Speaker C: And you have one more action.
[00:17:55] Speaker D: Try that again.
[00:17:56] Speaker C: All right, 25 will hit.
[00:18:00] Speaker G: Get him, get him.
[00:18:02] Speaker C: 22 points of damage.
Alright, it is now the creature in front of you's turn. It roars in anger and it swings its flaming sword at you. And a 34 will critically hit you.
[00:18:18] Speaker D: Yep.
[00:18:19] Speaker C: Oh, no. For 34 points of damage, doesn't that.
[00:18:23] Speaker D: Seem fishy to anyone else that he rolled? A 34 to attack and a 34 damage.
[00:18:28] Speaker G: Uh huh.
[00:18:29] Speaker D: Yeah, I think there's something wrong with the program. We should start over and then it's.
[00:18:32] Speaker C: Going to attack you with a huff. This is gonna try and punch you in the face.
[00:18:36] Speaker D: All right.
[00:18:37] Speaker C: And a 29 to hit.
[00:18:40] Speaker D: Yep, that hits.
[00:18:41] Speaker C: Okay, so you take twelve physical, six evil, and two fire.
[00:18:50] Speaker G: Oh boy.
[00:18:51] Speaker D: Oh, I'm sorry.
[00:18:52] Speaker G: I can't do anything as a reaction.
[00:18:55] Speaker C: All right, next up is one of the little tied down, swarming creatures, and it's trying to break free. And let's see, can it break free? Bail. All right. It does not break free. And, Kasia, you're up.
[00:19:12] Speaker E: I mean, I'm gonna do what I do. So I'm gonna rage, and I'm gonna go right for the ba bao because I don't want that to kill anything else. So I'm gonna rage, I'm gonna move, and I'm gonna use. I'm gonna use my silver knife against it. Okay, 31 will hit good 16 damage.
[00:19:31] Speaker C: So it does eleven slashing, five electricity.
[00:19:35] Speaker B: And when this turn is over, the old man would like to go.
[00:19:38] Speaker C: Okay, that's it for you. You raged.
[00:19:40] Speaker G: You move.
[00:19:41] Speaker E: I hit it with my silver knife.
[00:19:43] Speaker D: Yep.
[00:19:44] Speaker C: Now the old man of the sea.
[00:19:47] Speaker B: Okay, so he hears the sound of combat happening.
[00:19:51] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:19:51] Speaker H: It's like, ugh, fucking hell. Why does no one tell me anything?
[00:19:56] Speaker E: I mean, I usually do, like, scream when I start raging, so that might be cute.
[00:20:01] Speaker B: So he starts walking into the room, and he sees this creature ahead of him, just barely out of the smoke. He's wandered. Flaming goat.
[00:20:10] Speaker H: He's like, what the fuck are you?
[00:20:13] Speaker B: This looks demonic. Yeah.
[00:20:14] Speaker C: Oh, yeah, definitely.
[00:20:16] Speaker B: Okay. He will raise his hands in the air, and his hands will start to glow, and he will thrust them forward, and a beam of white light will lance out at the big goat.
[00:20:27] Speaker C: Oh, boy.
How many spikes on this white light?
[00:20:31] Speaker B: This is just a beam of energy, okay?
[00:20:34] Speaker C: Just a beam of energy.
[00:20:35] Speaker A: It is a blazing ray of light tinted with holy energy. So I need to make a ranged spell attack.
[00:20:42] Speaker B: So it's a 22 versus the goat demons ac that will hit. All right, this is a spell I like to call searing light.
[00:20:52] Speaker A: It does five, d, six fire and good.
[00:20:56] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:20:57] Speaker B: So if it has any good resistance or good weaknesses, it'll do whatever.
[00:21:00] Speaker C: On top of that, don't even bother with the fire damage, okay?
[00:21:04] Speaker D: Just.
[00:21:04] Speaker C: Just give me the good damage.
[00:21:06] Speaker B: It's all right. I'm also looking for good. Uh, so that is 19 good damage. Plus, if it is weak to good, it will take whatever extra from that.
[00:21:15] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:21:16] Speaker B: And that's his turn. One action to move, two actions to cast.
[00:21:20] Speaker C: The Ba bao sees that it is no longer able to just get a free lunch and will strike out at Nakasha with its long spear that it has for a 35.
[00:21:36] Speaker E: I believe that is a crit. I have a 22.
[00:21:40] Speaker C: Yes, that is a regular crit. Thankfully, it's not named, so it will just do 30 point.
All right. And then it's going to bite at you with a 28 battle hit or 18 points of damage. And then last is it's going to stab at you again with its long speed and a 20 will miss.
[00:22:04] Speaker E: Now it is striking at me directly. Question.
You did mention we all have a cold iron plate in our armor. That seem to be deterring it at all.
[00:22:12] Speaker C: It does not seem to be deterring.
No. Oh, oh, it does. Good call. Since it did hit you with a bite, it's who takes damage. Sweet. Good. And I'll give you a hero point for reminding me. Sweet.
[00:22:30] Speaker G: Nice.
[00:22:31] Speaker E: It's like the akijay are like prepared to deal with demons and shit.
[00:22:35] Speaker C: I know. Weird, right? This, it is your turn.
[00:22:39] Speaker F: This is torn between her beautiful life and her beautiful sister. But I think that sister is seems to be more in danger at this time. So I'm gonna run up and take a swing.
[00:22:51] Speaker C: Okay?
[00:22:52] Speaker E: Yes.
[00:22:54] Speaker G: Both of us can stop him.
[00:22:56] Speaker C: That is a critical miss. Would you like.
[00:23:00] Speaker G: No, no.
[00:23:02] Speaker C: Would you like cheese? Your hero point.
[00:23:04] Speaker G: Oh, geez.
[00:23:05] Speaker C: All right, fis, I took your last hero point. Okay, 22 will miss.
[00:23:13] Speaker G: Oof. Jeez.
[00:23:15] Speaker F: I'm gonna strike again because I'm just that kind of gal. Nobody hits my life or my sister.
[00:23:20] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:23:22] Speaker F: Watch me die.
[00:23:24] Speaker C: 24 will hit.
[00:23:27] Speaker G: Yes.
[00:23:28] Speaker C: Get it.
[00:23:30] Speaker E: Strike him down.
[00:23:32] Speaker C: I would love to.
The Mars. 13 points of damage as you stab into him.
[00:23:39] Speaker G: Perfect.
[00:23:42] Speaker B: Suck it long and suck it all.
[00:23:44] Speaker C: This demon. Thanks for back.
[00:23:46] Speaker D: I have a quit.
[00:23:47] Speaker C: Yes, go ahead.
[00:23:48] Speaker D: Sorry. The cold iron in my armor, does that do anything versus these guys?
[00:23:53] Speaker C: Let's see.
[00:23:54] Speaker E: Yeah, we all have it.
[00:23:55] Speaker C: Yeah, you all have it. Yeah, it does. So we're gonna give him some dumage. He hit you twice, right?
[00:24:02] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:24:02] Speaker C: All right, there you go. Took some more damage. So one of the wrecker demons on the ground, struggling to get out.
Not enough.
[00:24:12] Speaker B: What is he in?
[00:24:13] Speaker C: Looks like it's chained down with like, energy.
[00:24:18] Speaker B: All right.
[00:24:18] Speaker C: Basically being magically restrained. Still can't get out. Basically need a natural 20. Oh, a natural one will not do it though.
[00:24:28] Speaker E: Nope.
[00:24:29] Speaker C: Oh, okay, so now the creature that grandpa attacked looks at Grandpa unhappy that he was just hit with some searing light. All right, so he is going to move forward 10ft from the lava and in a 20 foot line. Give me a reflex save.
[00:24:52] Speaker B: Well, he came with the wrong old man.
[00:24:54] Speaker G: Grandpa.
[00:24:55] Speaker E: Now Grabba's butter cousin.
[00:24:59] Speaker B: It's my best save.
33.
[00:25:01] Speaker C: 33 is a critical success.
All right.
[00:25:08] Speaker H: Yeah. Pretty spry for old guy.
[00:25:13] Speaker G: Sorry.
[00:25:13] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:25:15] Speaker F: Isn't there a song about that? Pretty subscribe for an old guy.
[00:25:20] Speaker G: That's what I was.
[00:25:21] Speaker B: Yeah. So she was.
[00:25:25] Speaker D: What are you, a quad centarian?
[00:25:27] Speaker B: A quad centarian, yeah, maybe.
[00:25:29] Speaker C: So you get out of the way and you notice when you get back into the square, because you can't actually leave it. So you avoid all of the fire that came out of this creature's mouth. The ground is now slick, like it's greased.
[00:25:43] Speaker A: That's gross.
[00:25:44] Speaker F: And this time it wasn't used.
[00:25:48] Speaker E: Okay, who's not here right now, too? Who's all over the place?
[00:25:54] Speaker C: That's its turn.
The top of the initiative. Lori. There is a scroll in a chest.
[00:26:01] Speaker G: Imma grab it.
[00:26:03] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:26:04] Speaker B: All right.
[00:26:05] Speaker C: As you grab the scroll.
[00:26:09] Speaker G: Yes? I die.
[00:26:10] Speaker C: Smoke starts to billow out of the hole. Hole in front of you.
[00:26:16] Speaker G: Oh, no.
[00:26:16] Speaker C: And massive amounts of clouds of smoke start to cover and flow out of the lava and engulf the entire room.
[00:26:28] Speaker H: Do you guys see this smoke or is it just me?
[00:26:30] Speaker C: Still a gigantic.
[00:26:33] Speaker E: Oh, my God.
[00:26:35] Speaker C: Oh, no.
[00:26:37] Speaker E: And this is how we die. And the age of darkness continues.
[00:26:43] Speaker C: This is a gargantuan red dragon rises up from out of the pit, smoke falling out of its mouth, lightning crackling around its teeth, its dark horns and spikes of black coming out of its skin and tail and body. And it looks at you and you start to hear it laugh at you, Moiri. And you hear it booming in your head.
What is this pitiful creature doing here?
[00:27:18] Speaker G: Hello, Dahak.
[00:27:20] Speaker B: What?
[00:27:22] Speaker E: I don't think you're wrong.
[00:27:24] Speaker G: No, I think I'm very right. But I don't think we, at least these characters know.
[00:27:29] Speaker E: No, Saraya's had this nightmare before, though.
[00:27:32] Speaker C: Uh uh. So that was your first action, was to pick that up? The scroll case up, Imma pocket it.
[00:27:42] Speaker F: Nothing to see here.
[00:27:43] Speaker C: Oh, by the way, I'll let you know I rolled a 14 for this dragon's initiative, and it has a 53, so.
[00:27:52] Speaker G: Fuck, fuck, fuck everything.
Not breaking eye contact with a dragon as it's laughing at her. She will just slowly lower the scroll case into her pack.
[00:28:04] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:28:06] Speaker G: And be like, um, I'm guessing this is your home. I'm, uh, nice to meet you. I'm just gonna. I'm gonna go help some friends.
[00:28:17] Speaker D: Bamf.
[00:28:18] Speaker C: Oh. Where do you bamf to?
[00:28:21] Speaker G: Uh, who's in trouble?
[00:28:23] Speaker C: You can bamf to the entrance if you would like.
[00:28:26] Speaker G: I don't want to leave my family.
[00:28:28] Speaker F: That'd probably be the smartest thing.
[00:28:30] Speaker G: Yeah, but I never said I was smart.
I did just beeline to a chest and grab it. And as this demon thing's laughing at me, decide to pocket it's shiny. So my brother came to my defense against the creature to the north. Grandpa seems to be doing pretty good down south here.
[00:28:51] Speaker B: Yeah, I'm squaring off against this demon. It's taken the worst of it so far. I can't even see the giant dragon. So that's the best part.
[00:28:58] Speaker G: I'm just gonna scream giant dragon and then Bamf just north to try and be flanking with my brother. Some sibling love right here as I bounced away.
[00:29:11] Speaker B: We're just leaving sibling love on the table. Gonna do anything with that? Okay, okay. Just ask.
[00:29:16] Speaker G: She is a married woman. That's right.
[00:29:19] Speaker F: Happily.
[00:29:20] Speaker A: There are videos.
[00:29:20] Speaker G: Exactly.
[00:29:22] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:29:22] Speaker G: She's married to my cousin.
So do I marry to all of you? It's fine. Don't worry about it.
[00:29:31] Speaker C: You have one more action. Oh, you banff and strike.
[00:29:33] Speaker G: Yeah, I suppose I was still holding my dog slicer and not have changed weapons, right?
[00:29:39] Speaker C: Uh, yeah, I would probably say that.
[00:29:43] Speaker G: I'll swap it next time. How's a Nat 20. Motherfucker.
[00:29:47] Speaker C: That's a critical.
[00:29:48] Speaker G: That's right. For a 30 motherfucking three. Sorry, grandma.
So this demon is fatigued because the card says sapping slash crit effect. The target is fatigued.
[00:29:59] Speaker C: Okay, go ahead and give me double damage.
[00:30:02] Speaker G: Yes, I will. 26 damage.
[00:30:06] Speaker B: Nice.
[00:30:07] Speaker C: You slaughter the goat.
[00:30:10] Speaker E: Hooray.
[00:30:11] Speaker G: Mari, will you late in triumph.
[00:30:15] Speaker C: All right, next up is fennel.
[00:30:19] Speaker D: So that guy's dealt with. Time to check out the big one.
[00:30:23] Speaker G: Oh my God.
[00:30:24] Speaker E: Are you going for the dragon?
[00:30:26] Speaker G: He's going toe to toe with Doc.
[00:30:32] Speaker E: Because this is going to end well for anybody.
[00:30:37] Speaker D: I think that's 15ft.
[00:30:39] Speaker C: Well, yeah, you're good.
[00:30:41] Speaker D: I'm gonna lunge at it.
[00:30:43] Speaker C: Oh, geez.
[00:30:44] Speaker D: Okay, from where I am.
[00:30:46] Speaker G: Nice knowing ya.
[00:30:50] Speaker D: Here we go.
31.
[00:30:53] Speaker C: That is a critical miss.
[00:30:56] Speaker B: A 31 is a critical miss.
[00:30:59] Speaker G: What? Oh, well, I guess.
Yes.
[00:31:02] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:31:03] Speaker D: Melee. You are flat footed to the end of your turns. I mean, I can't move.
[00:31:06] Speaker C: No, it just means you take a minuse two to your ac.
[00:31:09] Speaker D: Alright. And for my next trick, I'm gonna sudden charge across the room. I'm gonna run full tilt the other direction.
[00:31:16] Speaker G: Please tell me he, Naruto runs away.
[00:31:20] Speaker E: Yes.
Arms back and forward.
[00:31:25] Speaker G: Yep.
[00:31:29] Speaker C: All right, Nakasha, it is your turn.
[00:31:32] Speaker E: I'm gonna keep swinging away at the Ba bao. But seeing how he reacted to my armor, I'm going to drop my silver knife, take an action to draw the cold iron one. And I'm going to stab him with that.
[00:31:45] Speaker C: And a 23 I assume misses it. Does.
[00:31:49] Speaker E: Well, I just got a hero point. So let's try that one more time for a 22. So nothing changes.
So swipe. And she's going to try again for another 23.
Apparently she's just unsettled by the arrival of this giant dragon thing.
[00:32:07] Speaker C: I mean, fair enough.
[00:32:08] Speaker E: She's not really looking at where she's slashing. She's just staring at the dragon and like, trying to disguise.
[00:32:15] Speaker C: All right, Matt, it's your turn.
[00:32:19] Speaker B: Okay, so the old man brings his arms back like as far back as they'll go. And he comes back forward and slaps his hands together as loud as he can. And the goat guy in front of him. And also Dahak junior need to make fortitude saves.
[00:32:36] Speaker C: Okay, yeah.
[00:32:37] Speaker B: If they could critically fail, that'd be great.
[00:32:38] Speaker C: One's a 17.
[00:32:40] Speaker B: That is a fail.
[00:32:41] Speaker C: One's a 55.
[00:32:43] Speaker B: That's critical success. I expected that when 31 was a critical failure. Okay, so either way, it doesn't matter if they success or failed.
[00:32:53] Speaker A: They take three d ten sonic damage.
[00:32:56] Speaker C: Okay, jeez.
[00:32:57] Speaker A: Okay, so they both take 21 sonic.
[00:32:59] Speaker B: Whether or not they succeeded. Actually, no, I'm sorry. That's worded poorly.
[00:33:04] Speaker A: Nevermind.
[00:33:04] Speaker B: Dahawk doesn't take it, but the goat does. He failed. So he takes full damage and is deafened for one round.
[00:33:13] Speaker C: All right, one more action.
[00:33:15] Speaker B: For his last action, he's going to call out and he says, maury, get.
[00:33:21] Speaker H: The thing in the chest and get out of here. You need to get back to the village.
[00:33:26] Speaker B: And he is going to load a frost file.
[00:33:31] Speaker C: So you loaded and you already loaded one frost vial, you said?
[00:33:34] Speaker B: Yeah, so I loaded the fire one earlier. So that's getting chucked out. And he's going to load a frost file into the crossbow.
[00:33:41] Speaker C: Right. It's the Bavao's turn and it's going to stab at one of the demons. The long spear. Great. And he kills it. He's gonna stab at another one. Will kill it.
[00:33:57] Speaker B: Oh, no, he's getting bigger every time.
[00:34:00] Speaker C: Yep. And then he's going to stab at Nakasha. And 22. Exactly. Or 14 points of damage.
[00:34:12] Speaker E: Okay. Okay.
[00:34:14] Speaker C: Fists, it is your turn.
[00:34:16] Speaker F: Okay, folks. Folks. Okay. Okay, folks.
[00:34:19] Speaker G: Let's.
[00:34:21] Speaker F: Let's take my sister. I grab her by the hand and I. Can I pull her away? Can we run away, Christine?
[00:34:29] Speaker C: Do you, do you let her pull your character away?
[00:34:32] Speaker E: I cannot. I am raging. And unless I am no longer in an environment where there are no enemies or anything, I'm gonna fight you staying here and trying to kill things.
[00:34:44] Speaker C: Okay? So first thing you'd have to do is you'd have to grapple your sister. So give me an athletics role versus her fortitude piece.
[00:34:52] Speaker E: It's a DC 20 219.
[00:34:55] Speaker C: You do not get her.
[00:34:57] Speaker F: Okay, I guess I'm just gonna fight this out with you then.
So I guess I'll drop my sword and then go for my cold knife to.
[00:35:05] Speaker C: Okay, you draw your coal iron dagger and go ahead and make that roll. A 30 will hit for ten points of cold iron damage. We gon die.
[00:35:18] Speaker F: It's okay.
[00:35:19] Speaker E: We're gonna die together.
[00:35:20] Speaker G: I'm sorry.
I think I aggroed everything.
[00:35:24] Speaker B: It's cold iron, though. So, like, doing extra damage? Yeah, probably. Maybe. Hopefully.
[00:35:29] Speaker C: This demon that is fighting grandpa moves 515ft next to you and swings a flaming sword at you and will miss. Second attack with the flaming sword will critically miss.
[00:35:47] Speaker H: Come get me, you kentucky frat bitch.
[00:35:53] Speaker C: I hit an ally adjacent to me or the. So I'm just gonna say he hits himself for 14 physical, one evil and one fire.
[00:36:05] Speaker B: So it plays and take the evil out of fire. I'm gonna guess.
[00:36:07] Speaker C: Yeah. All right. It is now the top of the.
[00:36:10] Speaker E: Round, and Daha kills us all.
[00:36:13] Speaker C: Well, let's see, let's see. So I need Nakasha, Fis, and Dahalik to give me a reflex save.
[00:36:26] Speaker H: Well, it was good knowing you.
[00:36:27] Speaker B: I guess it was on a natural 20 it bumped off, right?
[00:36:32] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:36:32] Speaker E: So I got a 23.
[00:36:34] Speaker F: I got 26.
[00:36:35] Speaker B: Grandpa got a 29.
[00:36:37] Speaker E: Yeah, grandpa's the most nimble out of all of this.
[00:36:39] Speaker A: I didn't get to be 800 years.
[00:36:41] Speaker B: Old by not jumping out of the way when dragons are breathing fire at me. Ah.
Oh, my God.
[00:36:48] Speaker G: Help me. Ah.
Did you not see the vomit swarm of dice that just appeared on your screen?
[00:36:58] Speaker B: Here's the thing. I'm basically blind, so. No.
[00:37:02] Speaker G: Yes, but Matthew isn't blind to the vomit swarm of actual dice. I choose scream.
[00:37:07] Speaker B: I choose to ignore the 103 damage that was just dealt to me.
[00:37:10] Speaker E: Yeah, the 103 damage, which is enough to kill me.
[00:37:13] Speaker C: Why is doing it again?
Oh, I just wanted to do it again because I.
No, no, no, no. That was so Matt could see how many dice there were. Ok?
[00:37:22] Speaker B: I saw it the first time. I saw it the first time.
[00:37:24] Speaker E: It's 25. D, six. For those of you playing at home, it's five d, six. Acid.
[00:37:29] Speaker G: Five.
[00:37:29] Speaker E: D, six. Cold. Five d, six. Electricity.
[00:37:31] Speaker G: Five d, six.
[00:37:32] Speaker E: Fire and porzy.
[00:37:34] Speaker C: Okay, so let me go through each of these. Does anyone have any resistances to acid? No. Cold.
[00:37:42] Speaker B: No.
[00:37:43] Speaker C: Electricity?
[00:37:44] Speaker E: No.
[00:37:44] Speaker B: No.
[00:37:45] Speaker C: Fire?
[00:37:46] Speaker A: I should, but no.
[00:37:47] Speaker C: Okay, poison and no. So that means it's 103 points of damage. So that's gonna put all of you at.
[00:37:56] Speaker E: Dad, I was at full health. That would put me at zero.
[00:38:00] Speaker B: Yeah, I was at full health, I believe.
[00:38:02] Speaker C: Massive damage.
[00:38:04] Speaker B: Yes. If it's more than double your. Your original total.
[00:38:07] Speaker C: 103. Double everyone's total. No.
[00:38:10] Speaker E: No.
[00:38:11] Speaker C: All right, so even the old man.
[00:38:13] Speaker B: Had 60 hit points.
[00:38:14] Speaker C: The old man is dying one. Nakasha knight. Nope. So you're dying one as well? Actually, all of you critically failed. You're saved. So that's double damage.
[00:38:26] Speaker B: Oh, well, then we are extra damn.
[00:38:28] Speaker E: We all insta die. Because 206 will absolutely double my 90 basic points.
[00:38:34] Speaker F: I'm definitely dead.
[00:38:35] Speaker E: I'm definitely dead.
[00:38:37] Speaker B: Three of us caught in it, we're dead.
[00:38:38] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:38:38] Speaker E: It's just one of those scenes where, like, you see it. Like, you just see the energy rushing past us all.
[00:38:43] Speaker C: As we.
[00:38:43] Speaker E: Like, our skin comes off and our muscle comes off and our bones burn away into dust.
[00:38:49] Speaker F: Vaporize.
[00:38:50] Speaker C: Next up is Pia. Run.
[00:38:55] Speaker B: Yeah. I mean, you are the fastest.
[00:38:58] Speaker G: Yeah.
[00:38:59] Speaker C: Grandpa told you to get the hell out of there.
[00:39:01] Speaker E: Yeah.
[00:39:01] Speaker G: I feel like Mari would probably choke back a scream. But they were here on a mission where others had failed, right?
[00:39:10] Speaker C: Oh, yeah.
[00:39:10] Speaker E: Well, at least you know why now.
[00:39:12] Speaker G: Yeah.
[00:39:13] Speaker B: Grandpa did call out to get the scroll back to the village before he was incinerated by 206. Damage worth of breath weapon.
[00:39:20] Speaker G: Uh, yeah. I guess she'll just keep running. I don't know what else to do.
[00:39:25] Speaker C: So as you flee from the great darkness, you make your way back to Akraval with a scroll in a handheld, you duck and dodge from the darkness as it chases you, blasting at you with all manner of breath weapons. You flee with haste to get back to the safety of your home. Fire starts to burst from the sky as the gargantuan red dragon breaks through the gray clouds. As storms rage around it, you see trees crack as lightning hits them, freeze and melt away as they are hit with multiple types of energy at once. As you duck and weave, you run for what feels like forever. As the sun dips down below the horizon, you and your brother alone make it back to Akrabel.
You deliver the scroll to the elders who look upon it with great concern and amazement.
Days pass, and it appears that the darkness has followed you. It begins to seize your village, burning away trees, electrocuting the warriors that confront it. Days turn into week, and with your nation under siege, the Akuji fight the darkness, confronting the dragon with the force and fury of every elf who was strong enough to carry a spear. The power to fight back was brought with a terrible price. The only way for the mortal weapons to wound the darkness was via a powerful ritual known as the Anima invocation, which required the noblest of the Akuje to willingly sacrifice themselves so that their spirits could bolster their remaining Akuji warriors. The thoughts of your grandfather, your wife, her sister swarm your memories and empower your weapons. Finally, after days of fighting the darkness and hundreds of your fellow Okuji dying, the darkness was banished. Perhaps now peace could be restored. Thank you for listening to the crack Die podcast. Background sound effects provided by sirenscape because Epic Games deserve Epic music, please visit
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